Have you lost anyone to suicide?

[hunter_lewis]

Hello,
Have you lost anyone to suicide?
Could you tell me what it was like for you and how you are dealing with it, and if you ever got over it?

 

[Voldmort]

No, but my friend looks like he's planning suicide.

 

[Jen Erik]

Yes.

It feels like any other kind of death to me, the grief is the same.

Every person I know who has done it had been in some kind of pain, be it physical or psychological, so there was also a sense of feeling glad, relieved, etc. for them that they are no longer in that pain.

 

[hunter_lewis]

Yes.

It feels like any other kind of death to me, the grief is the same.

Every person I know who has done it had been in some kind of pain, be it physical or psychological, so there was also a sense of feeling glad, relieved, etc. for them that they are no longer in that pain.

could you tell me who you lost to it?
and also how long did it take for your pain to get a bit better?

 

[Jen Erik]

could you tell me who you lost to it?
and also how long did it take for your pain to get a bit better?

Yes. Several friends; I'm thinking off the top of my head, but at least half-dozen over the years (I am in my mid-40s).

The initial feeling of grief passes rather quickly for me – maybe 2 weeks. And that feeling of grief is always about not having the person in my life anymore, that they are literally gone; it is not a feeling of grief because they planned their death on their own terms.

But grief for me is not a linear process – sometimes I will think it has passed and then 2, 3 years later, I am overcome.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I lost a great aunt and a step dad. I still grieve and here flashbacks to this day about my step dad. I don't think I'll ever get over it.

 

[Roph]

I lost a college suitemate to suicide.

 

[Kim]

I lost my best friend many years ago by suicide... i'll never get over this I think.

My aunt and one uncle died on CTB too. In my region, someone dies again and again on suicid. It seems to be a popular death style on a bittersweet way.

 

[Lizzie S.]

I'm not sure if it was a suicide, but my ex's friend died from a heroin overdose

 

[IG959]

My aunt hung herself

 

[worldexploder]

I had a good friend named Joe who overdosed on pills in 2009. We were online buddies but use to talk on the phone for 12 hours at a time. He was suffering just like me. We talked about committing suicide together many times.

He called me just hours before he CTB but I was sleeping off a whisky hangover and didn't hear the phone. He left a message saying that he really needed to talk to me. He sounded anxious, depressed, and nervous. I called him as soon as I heard the message but nobody picked up.

After 5 days of trying to get ahold of him, I decided to look up the obituary in his home town. Sure enough, his name was there. I was shocked yet not shocked at the same time. He wanted to end his imposition just like me.

I'd be a liar if I said I didn't miss the guy. At the same time, understood that he did what he had to do. His suffering ended therefore I fully supported his choice.

 

[Jblack]

I lost a friend to suicide. She was on, it seemed, every anti-depressant and psychotropic drug in the book along with anti-anxiety meds. She developed a medical condition where she would just pass out without any warning. Since we were researchers, management was just about to ban her from going into a lab to do work. The thought of not being able to do the one thing that kept her alive proved to be a bit too much. Her office was two doors down from mine. So at lunch time one day, she took a gun and shot herself in the head. Since it was lunch time there was only her, another researcher and myself on the floor. Funny but the gun really didn't sound that loud, maybe it was the noise from the labs that kind of drowned it out. But there she was on the floor in a pool of her own blood. She had escaped the pain she could not bear. I do remember the head of security being very cold and callous when he commented that she should have done it at home as this just created a mess to clean up at work.

She had talked to me about her plans several times, always seem somewhat agitated when she did. I guess, I should have known that something was up when she came to my office the day before she exited and talked for nearly 3 hours. That 3 hours was the calmest I had seen her in years. It should have been a tip off that she had reached a decision but it just didn't click in my head. The next day she came in and again seemed calm and kind of at peace. She wasn't going around saying goodbye to people or anything like that, nothing to indicate closure. She was just relaxed as she worked. I know that sounds kind of strange but when you work with someone for a long time you notice mood changes, good or bad. I won't forget her or that final day.

 

[ParamitePie]

Best friend of mine killed herself in 2011. I knew she planned to kill herself for years, and we talked about it quite often. We talked for almost 12 hours before she carried it out via partial suspension hanging. We used to talk for absurdly long periods of time, but by the time we'd finished talking that morning I was already late for class, which was her reason for "cutting it short". She was very calm and self-assured about the whole affair, and without sounding like some voyeur, I was unfortunately privy to the event, as she left her webcam on. She was very rehearsed and passed away peacefully. My immediate reaction was shock, and I spent the rest of the following days in a dumb stupor, followed by grief and a melancholy longing, which eventually turned into an affirmation of my own intent to commit suicide.

 

[millefeui]

Such bittersweet stories. I hope those people are at peace now.

 

[onewayroad]

I'm not sure if it was a suicide, but my ex's friend died from a heroin overdose

Lost a friend to heroin overdose earlier this year. Most people think it wasn't suicide.

Didn't effect me too much, I don't have much of an emotional response to death. I miss him though.

Had another friend jump off an 8th story balcony. Or 10th, can't remember. I couldn't care less that he's dead because when he did it, he was having a fight with one of my best friends as they were dating. She said she didn't want him in her life, he jumped right in front of her. What a fucking asshole. Suicide is not a weapon you use to fuck people up like that. I wish I believed in hell so I could think he was there. At least it took him several days to die.

His death didn't effect me in the slightest, but the impact his death had on my best friend affected me greatly. As you can probably tell I am still very angry about it haha

 

[starcrossedfate]

My uncle. He jumped. I'll never forget it.

 

[Lizzie S.]

Lost a friend to heroin overdose earlier this year. Most people think it wasn't suicide.

Didn't effect me too much, I don't have much of an emotional response to death. I miss him though.

Had another friend jump off an 8th story balcony. Or 10th, can't remember. I couldn't care less that he's dead because when he did it, he was having a fight with one of my best friends as they were dating. She said she didn't want him in her life, he jumped right in front of her. What a fucking asshole. Suicide is not a weapon you use to fuck people up like that. I wish I believed in hell so I could think he was there. At least it took him several days to die.

His death didn't effect me in the slightest, but the impact his death had on my best friend affected me greatly. As you can probably tell I am still very angry about it haha

I'm sorry :(

 

[Miro]

Someone who lived down the hall in the dorm shot himself.

 

[I’vehadenough]

D

I had a good friend named Joe who overdosed on pills in 2009. We were online buddies but use to talk on the phone for 12 hours at a time. He was suffering just like me. We talked about committing suicide together many times.

He called me just hours before he CTB but I was sleeping off a whisky hangover and didn't hear the phone. He left a message saying that he really needed to talk to me. He sounded anxious, depressed, and nervous. I called him as soon as I heard the message but nobody picked up.

After 5 days of trying to get ahold of him, I decided to look up the obituary in his home town. Sure enough, his name was there. I was shocked yet not shocked at the same time. He wanted to end his imposition just like me.

I'd be a liar if I said I didn't miss the guy. At the same time, understood that he did what he had to do. His suffering ended therefore I fully supported his choice.

do you think it was a purposeful overdose?

 

[Susannah]

Yes. One of my best friends killed himself in jail. He wasn't really a criminal, but a victim of overmedication. All the meds made him do stupid things sometimes, nothing serious or violent. Anyway, after waiting 3y for the trial (we expected he'd get a few weeks in prison), the fucking judge sentenced him to 6 months. He managed 1 week. Used his belt tied to the oven on his cell. We all got shocked, and of course furious at the gards, the police and judges.

I still miss him, but I don't blame him at all. I'm sure he's in a better place.

 

[Duqu]

My best friend from junior high/high school. She killed herself (actually, almost to date) 3 years ago OD'ing on a costco sized bottle of benadryl.

I miss her terribly and wish she'd told me more about what was going on with her. We had a freaking lot in common.

 

[worldexploder]

D

do you think it was a purposeful overdose?

Yes. He left a note.

 

[Lra888]

My grandmother

 

[RM5998]

A person I knew somewhat well in my college. They were playing Dota, but left the match midway, swallowed some benzos and tied a plastic bag around their head. Died in under 15 minutes (disconnected from the game at 2:15, was found dead at 2:30).

I guess it did make me think of my somewhat nebulous desire to CTB in a more concrete light. I remember being the only person who didn't feel particularly sad, just hopeful that they found some semblance of peace and happiness.

 

[Maravillosa]

My maternal grandmother shot herself when I was 14 years old. I did not know how she died until five years later, when I was hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts.

 

[Tara2018]

My father .. He was the most important person in my life, and I feel extreme guilt and shame because he actually asked for my help but I ignored him because I was dealing with my depression, law school, suicidal thoughts...etc.
It's been 3,5 years and I still can't get over it.
I was suicidal before his death because of my mental illnesses. But after his death my life torn apart. I became a different person even worse I was before.

 

[Lady black]

A good (at first online, then real life) friend from another forum that doesn´t exist anymore. She hanged herself 2 years ago in a wood. Hope she rest in peace

 

[OnlyMercy]

I lost one of my closest friends to suicide earlier this month.

My immediate reactions, which were anger and guilt, came as a shock to me. He and I always operated on the same wavelength and I considered him to be a kindred spirit in many regards. Anger stemmed from the fact that no single remaining human being I know understands me as effortlessly as he did and I've now lost that bond. Guilt stemmed from the fact that I didn't somehow intervene to "rescue" him.

I've learnt to accept the fact that he is gone for the remaining duration of my life however I still think about him everyday and how differently my life will unfold without his presence. I find comfort and solace in the fact that he left a detailed suicide note; this suggests that his decision to leave was well thought out and not undertaken impulsively. There is probably not much I could have said or done to convince him otherwise.

 

[goxua]

I've lost many.

My very first boyfriend hung himself, my best friend suicided by H, a uni friend jumped in front of a train, work mate hung herself and two acquaintances hung themselves.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I've lost a number of close friends to it and my first boyfriend. I wouldn't say it was difficult to deal with because I knew exactly what it's like to not want to live.
People called me heartless for being basically emotionless about it, but I always believe it's their choice. Why be upset they ended their suffering when no one else would when they reached out?
Sure there's a grieving process, but it obviously wasn't what people expected from me.