Discussion Have you grown tired of this place yet?

[Jon86]

I've been on r/sanctionedsuicide and now here for about a year. Before that, I was mostly alone with my suicidal thinking.

Initially, the discussions provided some relief and intrigue but I feel that's faded. Nothing here (anywhere really) affects me now, i've grown cold, distant. Talking about suicide in a way used to be at least interesting, now it annoys me. It doesn't seem as dark or taboo as it used to be, it's just annoying as fuck.

It's such a waste of time to spend thinking about it, i've spent a DECADE thinking about this bullshit daily. The fear of ending it is seriously starting to feel laughably pathetic. 'I feel close' doesn't mean shit as long as i'm still breathing but i'm growing beyond tired of this hamster wheel of despair filled with mindless distractions.

 

[Jaded]

You've never even made an attempt despite your feelings and thoughts?

 

[weedoge]

I get it, I can understand it "getting old" and becoming even frustrating because you know this is just a distraction and becoming concerned with things that don't really matter.

I've got all the info and validation I needed by being here, but I stick around to not be alone since I don't have friends. I've met some really nice people hwre. I agree its odd to think about feeling "nearly ready" because it doesn't mean a lot to say anything until we're actually rotting in the ground.

 

[unoriginal]

I feel exactly the same. Disillusioned by disillusionment. What a joke.

 

[MEoDP]

I'm not as active as when I first signed up here,but I can't say I have yet. You can join the discord group if you want to talk about topics other than suicide.

 

[Taylored]

I've been on since Friday. And have been logged in active all day and night. It's a sense of relief that never gets old

 

[bbq1]

I've been on since Friday. And have been logged in active all day and night. It's a sense of relief that never gets old

It will.

 

[bbq1]

I've been on r/sanctionedsuicide and now here for about a year. Before that, I was mostly alone with my suicidal thinking.

Initially, the discussions provided some relief and intrigue but I feel that's faded. Nothing here (anywhere really) affects me now, i've grown cold, distant. Talking about suicide in a way used to be at least interesting, now it annoys me. It doesn't seem as dark or taboo as it used to be, it's just annoying as fuck.

It's such a waste of time to spend thinking about it, i've spent a DECADE thinking about this bullshit daily. The fear of ending it is seriously starting to feel laughably pathetic. 'I feel close' doesn't mean shit as long as i'm still breathing but i'm growing beyond tired of this hamster wheel of despair filled with mindless distractions.

I see you as moving closer to the goal. It takes logging off for the last time. Reading a million more posts won't help as you've found out. I find that. Once you've got your method as perfect as you can and a 2nd choice just in case then everything else is just distraction to avoid using them. As the colonel says on asm, 'either shit or get off the pot faker'
It's a good saying really, stop pretending and procrastinating, just do it or shut up and go away. Basically that's what he means.
Advice which I shall take tomorrow if the weather holds up, and it is looking good.

 

[RacilyDank]

Not yet. Seriously, since everything in my life went to shit - mental health, work, home, relationship, friendship, my only interest is obsessing about killing myself. I probably spend more time on here than doing anything else in life. And this is coming from someone who previously had a healthy social life and loads of passions and interests.

 

[Ben]

Thanks for sharing, it's interesting to hear from such an experienced user.

I've nuked every online account I ever created for this exact reason. It didn't give me anything anymore.

This place is different though. I care about the people here. Pretty sure only death will stop me from coming back. I also get tired of the same conversations of suicide.

I've already given such lengthy responses about my opinion on all these threads, that I don't feel like rewording it all when the same topic get brought up again. In that sense, it can get redundant. But now that I've made it obvious how I feel, i more enjoy the psychological and metaphysical questions regarding death...rather then relplying to the "how tight should my rope be" type of questions. But It's still important that we do have users here to be there for people asking those questions

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

fear, anixiety and procrastinating are close related and a consequence of overactive amygdala

im not suprised that a lot of people are stucked here including me

 

[Jon86]

You've never even made an attempt despite your feelings and thoughts?

I started messing with partial suspension 5 years ago, numerous trials since, haven't been able to follow through. Not sure i'd call those attempts because I aborted them.

Attempts don't interest me, I have too much knowledge to make attempts. It's either death or nothing.

Being suicidal isn't uncommon, endless amounts of homeless people, prisoners for life, etc. who are suicidal who never succeed. Vast majority of suicidal individuals will never succeed.

 

[Jon86]

Suicide is always on my mind but it's more mundane and drawn out at this point. I feel indifferent to it, apathetic, I miss the times where it used to invoke an intense emotional response.

 

[Circles]

I've been on r/sanctionedsuicide and now here for about a year. Before that, I was mostly alone with my suicidal thinking.

Initially, the discussions provided some relief and intrigue but I feel that's faded. Nothing here (anywhere really) affects me now, i've grown cold, distant. Talking about suicide in a way used to be at least interesting, now it annoys me. It doesn't seem as dark or taboo as it used to be, it's just annoying as fuck.

It's such a waste of time to spend thinking about it, i've spent a DECADE thinking about this bullshit daily. The fear of ending it is seriously starting to feel laughably pathetic. 'I feel close' doesn't mean shit as long as i'm still breathing but i'm growing beyond tired of this hamster wheel of despair filled with mindless distractions.

No this website means a lot to me. I can finally discuss suicide as a rational option without being judged. I've searched the internet so much trying to find a community such as this and there are none or are censored with life affirming cliches. This place is where I can actually express myself even for a brief moment and in all honesty it's probably one reason why I haven't ctb yet. I'm crying right now thinking I'm actually not so alone as I thought I once was. I can't thank the people who made this site enough. This website has given me a place where I can be myself. I have hardly any family and no friends but in a weird fucked up way you amazing and wonderful people are what makes this place feel like a family. I can finally have someone to talk to such a simple thing but so hard to find.

 

[bigj75]

I've only been here 3 weeks. Good place and very informative. I am ready to ctb soon though.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

Yes, kind of. I have been on it for 2-3 weeks but it's getting a bit stale for me. There is only so much one can talk about, methods, afterlife, venting, goodbye wishes etc. This is not a dig on the site as it is a great place to chat about suicide-related matters and it provides a place where i can speak about my plans openly and be understood. That said, sometimes the talking has to stop when action should take over.

 

[windingdown]

I've only been here 3 weeks. Good place and very informative. I am ready to ctb soon though.

I've only been here 2 or 3 weeks myself (maybe just 2?). But it's helped me a lot - I learned about my method here, and have encountered some enormously helpful resources. I feel much more confident I will succeed now, and feel more confident about taking the plunge in general. I am in the process of making peace with death. I've got to hang in there another 2 weeks, as there are things going on in real life that are delaying me. This will actually be hard! But it gives me additional time to really make peace with dying.

It's been really helpful, also, interacting with others who are contending with the same existential and practical questions as I. In general, I think the level of intelligence on these boards is high. Just conjecture, but I think that many people who ctb are particularly intelligent. There is an existential dissatisfaction or despair that may go along with high intelligence, which 'normies' (as such!) may never understand.

I don't think anyone should rush ahead into ctb, or feel silly for continuing to 'just talk'; it's a huge deal, and there's a right time for people. For me, this comes after solidifying my method/plan (fingers crossed it's foolproof at this point), and also making psychological peace with death - something I'm working hard on daily, and making great strides towards. Everyone has their process.

EDIT: I'm also female, and don't feel any of the 'man up' pressure (whether external or from inner voices) that some men may feel.

 

[Trashcan]

No, I love this place. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't go on here.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I like it here still

 

[josh228]

I've been on r/sanctionedsuicide and now here for about a year. Before that, I was mostly alone with my suicidal thinking.

Initially, the discussions provided some relief and intrigue but I feel that's faded. Nothing here (anywhere really) affects me now, i've grown cold, distant. Talking about suicide in a way used to be at least interesting, now it annoys me. It doesn't seem as dark or taboo as it used to be, it's just annoying as fuck.

It's such a waste of time to spend thinking about it, i've spent a DECADE thinking about this bullshit daily. The fear of ending it is seriously starting to feel laughably pathetic. 'I feel close' doesn't mean shit as long as i'm still breathing but i'm growing beyond tired of this hamster wheel of despair filled with mindless distractions.

dude I have no idea what youre complaning about. Go outside or something, it seems thats what you need.

 

[wanttodie]

this website means a lot to me.

 

[Smilla]

This place is the only place I can be myself without judgement or recriminations.

It's a safe haven for me and will be until my last days. I'm so far gone into my plans to ctb that the only people I relate to in any shape or form are those who are contemplating, or who have decide on suicide.

 

[itsallover]

I see where you're coming from. A surgeon offered me a way out of my condition that took over my life and ruined everything. They say the mind butwhat I went through for 2 1/2 years traumatized me. I couldn't work do or anything sociable and don't feel like it anymore as I've lost all my interests as well. To talk about depression and having a way out that isn't treated as some kind of crime gives me comfort. I can't go back to the same caring and giving person I was before. I have seen what garbage people really are. I have opened my eyes to how you can be thrown away in an instant. If you get sick almost everyone dissapears. But there is that good point that you gotta put action to it. I'll see where I'm at mentally after I've recovered physically from surgery. I've essentially become a recluse who just self medicate chain smokes and wastes my time on the computer. Even if I do decide to live the care and support people show you here is like nothing I've experienced before. I think people come here when they don't know where else to go. If you talk about suicide elsewhere you're going to get yourself locked up eventually. Some people will eventually encourage you to fight and live on here. I believe that it really is a special community. Everything is completely open and honest.

 

[Final Escape]

I wish it wasn't illegal to move into a storage shed or something similar. Lol! My job is killing me and so is my rent. It would be great if government didn't dictate where you can live. I mean excuse me for existing but being too poor to afford a decent place.

 

[Ccre]

I'm here to find information on methods. And confirmations of success but it's not very explicit.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

I'm here to find information on methods. And confirmations of success but it's not very explicit.

I know what you mean but it's kind of difficult to get any confirmation of success when the person is dead.

 

[Ccre]

I know what you mean but it's kind of difficult to get any confirmation of success when the person is dead.

Yeah, I get that, I just meant like a few people apparently do the lead up and then reappear. I think Done is the only person I've not seen any activity from. I meant more along the lines of getting their N, I want to order it but there are lots of pitfalls.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Do we keep coming here because we're like gamblers at a slot machine who don't want to get up and walk away and loose our investment? Do we think this is a magic place that is the key to actually suiciding? Have we started on a dark path at the expense of a normal path and now are trapped on that road and can't get off of it?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Honestly … I have not.
There are times when I feel like I have nothing to say. I can't always be on here everyday. Even when I'm not working I still like watching tv or listen to music.

 

[QueenEtna]

To be honest I'm only on here so frequently because the last 3 weeks I've had no internet so I'm browsing with my mobile data instead of gaming all day xD Yeah it can be a bit stale but it gives me something to do.