Discussion Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide?

[TheGoodGuy]

PLEASE explain how that made you feel.

I have only known 2 people who died young (in their teenage years) one was a friend who died in a scooter accident crashing into a car at 13-14 years old the other was an ex girlfriend who died of an amphetamine overdose in 2017.

 

[brighter]

PLEASE explain how that made you feel.

I guess it doesn't make much difference but do you mean on SS or irl?

 

[Jc40]

I went to college and met someone who really got me and we connected. I've not met anyone like her since.
I was meant to go up and visit her and I didn't. Then found out she hung herself in hospital. This was in 2002. I obviously blamed myself and I didn't blame her, never thought bad of her, she gone and at peace now.

 

[Queer_Kenny]

I lost three friends to suicide in high school, including my very best friend in the world. I lost a fourth friend a few years later. But, in the last few years, as we're all getting older, I've lost eight friends who, like me, didn't like what the world had become, and didn't want to live any more. I have five more friends who tried and failed.

 

[siray]

PLEASE explain how that made you feel.

I have only known 2 people who died young (in their teenage years) one was a friend who died in a scooter accident crashing into a car at 13-14 years old the other was an ex girlfriend who died of an amphetamine overdose in 2017.

But hey, you're here, and will probably kill yourself in a while just like most of us here at SS. You would have felt suicidal eventually if your friends hadn't died young.
My point being, there is a no such thing as a connection between human 'souls'.

You die and all your suffering gets buried leaving a trace which eventually gets buried too.

 

[Dead beat dad]

PLEASE explain how that made you feel.

I have only known 2 people who died young (in their teenage years) one was a friend who died in a scooter accident crashing into a car at 13-14 years old the other was an ex girlfriend who died of an amphetamine overdose in 2017.

My grand poppa killed himself after the death of his wife by stepping in front of a train.
He was the perfect man in my eyes, strong and compassionate, devoted, kind. A man reminiscent of a different age (it maybe that's my childhood rose tinted recollection).
It was odd because I had to report him missing to the police and tell my mother what had happened, but that stuff was all pretty matter of fact.
Seeing the impact it had on my mother was sad as it made her fall in to a massive rage and also deep illness and depression.
Also hearing the train drivers testimony at the inquest was pretty upsetting.

That said, I vividly remember him being knelt beside the bed of his wife who had just passed away, weeping in a way I had never know the strongest man in my life to weep, he was genuinely and categorically heartbroken.
In balance I feel that while I am sad I lost my beloved grandpoppa he did what was right by him and I don't blame him for what he did and I hope that what he did brought him the peace that he sought.

Just my 2c

DBD

 

[YukiFox]

A college friend died when she was 29 years old. She jumped off one facility in the campus. I have a lot of grief for her since she was a kindful person and I believed she will be alright after another attempt, but she wasn't. I tried to handle the pain with pro life activism but I only hide my own suicidal thoughts. That was the most close and personal experience with that suicide of another friend.
when I was 16 years old a man jumped from his window on the apartment building I lived. I only heard the bump and after ten minutes the police arrived. I only see them on elevator and was the first time that I heard a suicide too close to me.

 

[Roberto]

It wasn't very close to me. In the university. I knew a tall, fragile pale and thin woman, friend of a friend. It looked very sensible. Few years after, I was told she did ctb. She was such a beautiful person ... I was a bit sad about that. But as said it wasn't close in my life.

 

[TAW122]

No, not personally, though I did have a few people who did die due to various other causes. Two of my professors while I was a student at uni both passed away from health related reasons and natural causes. Then one of my former roommates from 5 years ago passed away just 2 years ago at his parents' home. Also, there is one neighbor who ctb'd (presumably via a firearm) near where my parents lived, which was over a decade ago.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

I wasn't a very close to this lady but some years ago a teacher that worked with my mom (who was also one of my siblings' instructors) ctb during the school week. She sent a text to a few of her coworkers and they knew something was up. By the time everyone got there she had shot herself in her backyard. She was engaged. Late 20s. Her death hurt a lot of ppl. They had to bring crisis counselors to the schools to counsel the kids because a lot of them didn't understand the concept of death (she was a kindergarten teacher). Many of the older students were her previous students so it was hard for them to cope as well. I didn't know her very well but even I was a little sad. She's the only one I've ever known to ctb tho.
I wasn't a very close to this lady but some years ago a teacher that worked with my mom (who was also one of my siblings' instructors) ctb during the school week. She sent a text to a few of her coworkers and they knew something was up. By the time everyone got there she had shot herself in her backyard. She was engaged. Late 20s. Her death hurt a lot of ppl. They had to bring crisis counselors to the schools to counsel the kids because a lot of them didn't understand the concept of death (she was a kindergarten teacher). Many of the older students were her previous students so it was hard for them to cope as well. I didn't know her very well but even I was a little sad. She's the only one I've ever known to ctb tho.

 

[Lost]

Yes my cousin. He shot himself

 

[dandan]

yeah, I had a neighbor some 4 or five years older than me... he shot himself with his fathers shotgun... or so they said.
he came up to my house eventually and we talked... we were both depressed and confused..

Another friend... I heard him say a thursday night: "I wont last long... I love this shit... cocain and the needle"
by next monday he was dead... some people say he ctb, his father says, he slipped on the shower and hit his head...

when I was young, I met and lived with my father and his new wife... I did spent some holidays with my father's wife family...
the brother of my father wife shot himself... some say playing with a gun wich wasnt supposed to have bullets...

poor mother of mine... I am hanging on only because I dont want her to be like the mothers of people I know... they dont recover easily

 

[Walilamdzi]

@dandan Have their mothers recovered at all?

 

[dandan]

I hardly speak to them, one of them posed very sad thing for more than a year until she overcome it, I talked to her on various ocasions saying I can't handle it anymore myself, she encouraged me to keep going. The last few post of her I saw she was happy , but happy posts don't mean or say nothing about he hole in her heart , but yes I saw happy posts.

One year ago I deleted my FB account, then did a new one but she ain't on it now.
From 700 friends now I have 80~

 

[Nihil]

1) Paternal great uncle. He killed himself with carbon monoxide in the car over getting another woman pregnant by accident. This happened way before I was born, so I didn't really feel much about it most of my life. Then again, I had a dream about him when he was killing himself the night after my paternal grandfather died of COPD last year. That dream haunts me, especially with him crying, warning me not to come into the garage, and to never do what he did. Feels eerie in some way I suppose.

2) Maternal great uncle. His wife died of lung cancer, and six months later, he offed himself by going to a park at 5 AM, sat on a bench, put a revolver in his mouth, and shot himself. I was only in elementary school at the time, but when my mom got the news via email, she screamed the most terrifying scream I've ever heard. She broke down and bawled her eyes out. She's made me promise never to do suicide, and she's one of the few individuals that still keeps me going. Regardless of how yuck this life is, I don't have the heart in me to destroy her like that.

3) Random guy from high school I never knew. It was tenth grade, with Spanish class starting as my first class at 8 AM. After the bell rang, the princple came onto the speaker and started yelling that it was not okay to bully or harrass or make fun of someone for "living a different lifestyle." He said that one of the school students hung himself with a rope noose because he was being continually bullied for being gay. Nearly half of the class was laughing over that, while the teacher did nothing and just continued class like nothing happened. As someone who's transgendered that's dealt with LGBT discrimination most of their life, that memory both haunts and hurts me that people can be that sadistically cruel.

 

[Mr. Hang Man]

In all honesty I haven't met that many people who actually successfully ended thier lives. Most of the people I am friends with typically attempt it but never follow through because of SI.

 

[Ruffian]

I wasn't a very close to this lady but some years ago a teacher that worked with my mom (who was also one of my siblings' instructors) ctb during the school week. She sent a text to a few of her coworkers and they knew something was up. By the time everyone got there she had shot herself in her backyard. She was engaged. Late 20s. Her death hurt a lot of ppl. They had to bring crisis counselors to the schools to counsel the kids because a lot of them didn't understand the concept of death (she was a kindergarten teacher). Many of the older students were her previous students so it was hard for them to cope as well. I didn't know her very well but even I was a little sad. She's the only one I've ever known to ctb tho.
I wasn't a very close to this lady but some years ago a teacher that worked with my mom (who was also one of my siblings' instructors) ctb during the school week. She sent a text to a few of her coworkers and they knew something was up. By the time everyone got there she had shot herself in her backyard. She was engaged. Late 20s. Her death hurt a lot of ppl. They had to bring crisis counselors to the schools to counsel the kids because a lot of them didn't understand the concept of death (she was a kindergarten teacher). Many of the older students were her previous students so it was hard for them to cope as well. I didn't know her very well but even I was a little sad. She's the only one I've ever known to ctb tho.

I just Googled suicide rates by profession the other day. Education is supposedly one of the lowest but I suspect it's underreported.
My cousin tested positive for the gene that carries Huntington's disease and threw himself off a bridge like the next day. I watched his father, brother, and sister deteriorate from it and it's the worst thing I've ever seen. I've also seen dementia in my family and it's worse than that. I'm adopted so I don't know what I'm in for.

 

[neveranyhope]

My best friend from college, who I lived with for 2 years and was really the only close friend I've ever had (we had a falling out at the end, stupid 22 y/o girls), technically died of alcoholism at 33 (she lived with end stage liver disease from age 30). When I found out, however, we hadn't spoken in years and I had looked her up because the night prior to me finding out, I had a dream where she came to me and said goodbye and killed herself in front of me. In trying to figure out what happened (I woke up, googled her, and found an obituary noting her death from a couple weeks before), an old mutual friend of ours told me, "Ultimately, she killed herself," which I took for literal suicide vs the slow suicide of alcoholism. I didn't find out till a few weeks later that it was alcohol. That entire experience was quite recent and I have been stuck in a paralytic depression for over a year, and my suicidal ideation is getting stronger as my life is getting worse. IE, more and more reason to do it every single day.

A few months after that, I found out via watching a recent Netflix documentary that one of my closest internet friends from over the years took her life back in '15. That really destroyed me, especially as we had frequently spoken of suicide and having a pact, but I had started to do better and had distanced myself. The last time she had reached out to me was the last time I was suicidal, and I never responded to her. It still destroys me. I had some contact with her family after she passed, her mother sent me the longest letters and her poor mother is so distraught, but I stopped responding because I feel so responsible and so terrible. I am a horrible person and surely nobody will be upset in the slightest once I ctb.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

My best friend from college, who I lived with for 2 years and was really the only close friend I've ever had (we had a falling out at the end, stupid 22 y/o girls), technically died of alcoholism at 33 (she lived with end stage liver disease from age 30). When I found out, however, we hadn't spoken in years and I had looked her up because the night prior to me finding out, I had a dream where she came to me and said goodbye and killed herself in front of me. In trying to figure out what happened (I woke up, googled her, and found an obituary noting her death from a couple weeks before), an old mutual friend of ours told me, "Ultimately, she killed herself," which I took for literal suicide vs the slow suicide of alcoholism. I didn't find out till a few weeks later that it was alcohol. That entire experience was quite recent and I have been stuck in a paralytic depression for over a year, and my suicidal ideation is getting stronger as my life is getting worse. IE, more and more reason to do it every single day.

A few months after that, I found out via watching a recent Netflix documentary that one of my closest internet friends from over the years took her life back in '15. That really destroyed me, especially as we had frequently spoken of suicide and having a pact, but I had started to do better and had distanced myself. The last time she had reached out to me was the last time I was suicidal, and I never responded to her. It still destroys me. I had some contact with her family after she passed, her mother sent me the longest letters and her poor mother is so distraught, but I stopped responding because I feel so responsible and so terrible. I am a horrible person and surely nobody will be upset in the slightest once I ctb.

What documentary?

 

[kaliban923]

My mother committed suicide. She had a very advanced form of MS at a time that there was no known treatments. My dad had died the year before and he was her sole caretaker and I lived 300 miles away. She lived another year after he died with the help of in home assistance. She first reached out to me to contact me about getting her "a bunch of valium" so she could OD. At the time I was unwilling to participate even if I was ok with her decision. She eventually contacted the Hemlock Society. They arranged for someone to anonymously come to her home and give her an overdose of medicine. She just had to pay for the person's travel expenses and the drug. I've always been quite comfortable with her decision. She was miserable and I still feel guilty not helping her but at the same time, I'm not that uncomfortable with my reluctance. That is a difficult decision to heap on a person.

My cousin's husband committed suicide just over a year ago(Mar 2018) two days before her birthday. He was depressed, their marriage(24 years) was not the best and he had an unsuccessful attempt several years prior. He was off his meds at the time and that probably contributed. Forgot to add. How did this make me feel? Pretty awful for my cousin. Their son is/was in treatment for Childhood Leukemia at the time and her husband was dealing with his depression and she was unable to focus on both so she focused on her son and lost her husband. As I said, the marriage was on the rocks for years as her husband was also abusive and an alcoholic but the timing here was cruel. A few weeks ago I was closer than I ever was to CTB but it would have been the 1 year anniversary to the day of my cousin's husband's suicide and that contributed to me not doing it(along with a strong SI)

 

[Marawa]

my father but he was in his 80's with cancer

 

[neveranyhope]

What documentary?

Unrest.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

Unrest.

Thank you! On my queue. You're not a horrible person. Thanks for sharing with all of us today!

 

[neveranyhope]

Thank you! On my queue. You're not a horrible person. Thanks for sharing with all of us today!

Thank you for saying so, I appreciate it. It's a good doc, and she was a really lovely person. I hope you enjoy it.

A few weeks ago I was closer than I ever was to CTB but it would have been the 1 year anniversary to the day of my cousin's husband's suicide and that contributed to me not doing it(along with a strong SI)

Glad you're still here. A few weeks ago was really bad for me too, darkest time yet. I hope it's getting better.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I have sadly known several people who commit suicide. 2 were people I knew IRL, & the others are people whom I was very close friends with online. It's a horrible feeling & I had one friend whose plan was to jump from the GGB. He actually traveled to California 2 times & didnt do it, before returning a 3rd time in sept of 2014 & jumping. He actually called me from the Last BART station before the bridge. That was one of the worst calls of my life. The California highway patrol called me the following day as they were investigating his death.

 

[Letmego. Please]

There were the two people on the same ward as me that i was friends with, one was an insulin od, the other was a lovely lad with schizophrenia who hanged himself on overnight leave.
Then there was a friend who hosepipped his car.

There have been a few more, but my overriding feeling was of sadness, i cared about these people, knew what pain they were going through & wanted nothing more than for them to find peace in this world, not to find nothing in another when we were all too young to know how life was going to turn out, i mean fuck at that age if you had told me i would get married i would have just laughed in your face at such a stupid idea that my life could ever be anything but what it was at the time. I got to find out, they didn't and that will always make me sad when i remember the time we spent together.

 

[dandan]

There were the two people on the same ward as me that i was friends with, one was an insulin od, the other was a lovely lad with schizophrenia who hanged himself on overnight leave.
Then there was a friend who hosepipped his car.

There have been a few more, but my overriding feeling was of sadness, i cared about these people, knew what pain they were going through & wanted nothing more than for them to find peace in this world, not to find nothing in another when we were all too young to know how life was going to turn out, i mean fuck at that age if you had told me i would get married i would have just laughed in your face at such a stupid idea that my life could ever be anything but what it was at the time. I got to find out, they didn't and that will always make me sad when i remember the time we spent together.

How things turned around for you, getting married wow, nice ...

 

[Xaphous]

Only a youtuber I used to follow.

 

[BACONF]

Pretty much my entire college. You know Arts school has this strange energy that attracts suicidal people. I knew about two cases.
To be sincere it makes me feel not so alone.

 

[Letmego. Please]

How things turned around for you, getting married wow, nice ...

Yeah thats the thing when i read nippers saying how life is shit, work is crap or for idiots, they have no idea how what seems so improbable now or just too much like hard work doesn't mean life will never change for the better.

Ok so i am now divorced but that doesn't mean i regret a minute of it, if i had died when my friends did then i would have missed out on some of the great things my life has produced & the fun i had along the way. I may have never left my friends in the sense that depression has been a constant, but for every year & every moment good & bad that i have lived i have done so in the knowledge that they didn't get that chance.