Have you ever found out what your ex is doing, and its made you want to CTB so much more?

[Anonymoussn]

So I spent 6 months of 2019 in America. And I met a beautiful girl who seemed great. Spent a couple of months seeing each other. But then when I had to leave to go back to the UK, I broke it off because I figured it would never work. But now I've just found out that she has just married another guy from the UK, and has also just had a child with him.

I never asked her to move to the UK. And apparently this guy did. I just assumed it wasnt going to work. And if I Had. Just. Fucking. Asked. It might have worked. I cant believe how stupid I am...

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

There was absolutely no way for you to know that was going to happen.

You're not stupid. Most of us can't tell the future.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

apparently this guy did

Whoa! I think you've made a story you have no way of knowing is true. Maybe she asked him. Maybe she would have said no if you'd asked her. You'd only known her a couple of months, and neither of you felt compelled to take it beyond that to another country, which would have put a lot of pressure on your relationship when it didn't yet have the foundation to support that pressure. Maybe she knew that guy for longer and had built enough trust and safe attachment to justify the risks. And maybe they aren't as stable and happy as what is presented on social media or to whomever you may know in common.

It's easy to fall in love with a fantasy, but the reality is usually way different. When you look back at those two months, and when you really look at her, as well as yourself with her, was there enough assurance that would reasonably support the fantasy and risks? Or were there red flags about either of your situations or behaviors that would have said such a major move would have not been a good idea? Did you make a realistic assumption, because you knew in your gut it wasn't right? You only knew her two months -- I can tell you from experience you would have been under a lot of responsibility and pressure had she made that move, and you could just as easily be feeling guilty for wanting to ctb because of being under it (especially if the same root causes were already there; she wouldn't have saved you, but such a situation -- and the realness of it -- could have made you kick your own ass a lot harder than you are now for a fantasy).