Venting Have you ever been made to feel like you have to wait your turn?

[grandmotherboxing]

I always thought that, at least the small (but what i considered high quality) group of friends that i have was on good terms with me. But they... make me wait my turn?
See, because it's happened so often I'm not sure when it is paranoid fantasy and which one of these is reality. I do have a diagnosis of PTSD, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but one of the toughest things for me was to deal with emotional inconstistency with so many people in my life. My mother was ground zero, of course, but now I feel like I cannot trust anyone.
Yet they don't do anything to help me trust them better. For example, i'll try to chime in to contribute in a friendly way because that's how i was initially received - as an equal - and then over time I'll start hearing people sideline me, i'll start hearing things like "I didn't ask you, i asked him" and frustrated pouts either in real life (with the few IRL friends I can stomach) and online. It's bizarre and makes me feel like anything I do will be pushy. Hell, even writing this post I fantasize how the majority of readers would think "what an entitled f****t."

I'm not feeling too good about this, vietnam flashbacks I guess, so this whole thread will probably seem like a total word salad to most. I just had to try and get these thoughts out because putting them to paper never works.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think friend dynamics can be tricky. I've certainly felt uncomfortable and lower down the ranks or a spare part in friend groups before. I think it's rare to be in a group where everyone is equal. It happened maybe once for me but, most of the time there were rivalries and jealousy going on.

I've stayed away from groups for a while maybe as a consequence. I prefer the interactions with just one other person now.

I'm sorry that people are being off with you. Maybe you could try introducing new topics to talk about, rather than chime in on existing conversations. That's not to excuse what they're doing but, it might make them more open to engage.