N
noname223
Angelic
- Aug 18, 2020
- 4,996
I think there are several ideas behind this thread. I could very well imagine there is a correllation between being bullying and wanting to commit suicide. I was bullied for a very long time as a teenager and also very severely. I think yes it traumatized me. Especially my paranoia (about being bullied) and eating disorder have origin in that. They say many people who develop psychosis have experienced being excluded socially. And yes this is true. I can remember after a special events (extreme bullying) I developed my first paranoid thought. I have the theory this triggered my first manic episode, It is impossible to prove that but the time sequence fits.
But there is also this saying. Noone is solely a victim of bullying most of us also were at least once in a life time a bully themselve. I don't know if that is true. But it made me think. If I compare the relation of bully someone or get bullied I am by very far rather the victim. Most of my worst bullies came from very rich families and live now probably wonderful lives while I experience mental torment every single day.
But there were some people I also hurt. There was one boy in kindergarten who we treated very badly. I think we have hurt him a lot. Mabye he still remembers me. Then there was once one of my best friends was horribly bullied. I did not have the guts to defend him. I was too scared to get bullied too. Yeah I feel pretty bad due to these two people who I have hurt. On the other hand the count of "dead bodies" (only used metaphorically) of other people is probably way higher. And when I kill myself this is not a metaphor anymore. My bullies will have my blood on their hand and they will never know it. I prefer that. I don't want them to know it. I would be too scared to get further humiliated.
But there is also this saying. Noone is solely a victim of bullying most of us also were at least once in a life time a bully themselve. I don't know if that is true. But it made me think. If I compare the relation of bully someone or get bullied I am by very far rather the victim. Most of my worst bullies came from very rich families and live now probably wonderful lives while I experience mental torment every single day.
But there were some people I also hurt. There was one boy in kindergarten who we treated very badly. I think we have hurt him a lot. Mabye he still remembers me. Then there was once one of my best friends was horribly bullied. I did not have the guts to defend him. I was too scared to get bullied too. Yeah I feel pretty bad due to these two people who I have hurt. On the other hand the count of "dead bodies" (only used metaphorically) of other people is probably way higher. And when I kill myself this is not a metaphor anymore. My bullies will have my blood on their hand and they will never know it. I prefer that. I don't want them to know it. I would be too scared to get further humiliated.
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