Discussion Have or, how have the intensity of your emotions changed as you've grown older?

[Forever Sleep]

Have there been general shifts or, do you still feel emotions at random levels?

I think for me, there have been marked increases in some and, decreases in others.

I felt more excitement and enthusiasm over things when I was young. I still have a reasonable sense of wonder. I'm not totally numb. But, it's not like it was. I remember even just going to a shop that sold second hand games being so excited to get home to play one. Reading the instruction book on the bus home. I used to feel so much more excited about my work too.

Ashamedly, my intensity to love and care about others has decreased too. I'm thankful that my tendency to worry has diminished although, I do still catastrophize now and then. Generally, my fear and anxiety has decreased but that's because I've mostly removed myself from situations that could potentially be stressful. I've removed myself from the threats, rather than becoming braver.

My resentment has, on the other hand massively increased. I think I was too timid and afraid and sad to blame others when I was young. I just absorbed it all as my own personal fault I wasn't good enough. Now, it's more a resentment that I'm (we are) here in the first place with all these expectations placed on me/ us.

I make excuses for myself too. Maybe in order to live more peacefully. I can recognise that some of my emotional/ personality shifts aren't very nice. It's not nice to feel less love towards others. But then, I reason that it's inevitable. I'm not really around them to feel that so much. It would be awful in a way to continue to love them to the same extent. I'd miss them so much. Maybe I've become more numb to protect myself from that.

Plus, some loved ones have died. That's taught me how much it hurts to love and lose. So, I think I pretty much made the decision at one point I wouldn't invite that into my life again. I suppose life's experiences harden us.

What have you experienced? Do you feel like you've become more or less emotional as you've aged? Have you made conscious or semi- conscious efforts to shut off some emotions to protect yourself?

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

They have changed, but not in the way that people would probably assume if they knew me back then vs. now. I think they've gotten more intense, but buried much, much deeper down in my psyche. Not for very long unfortunately—a lot is coming to the surface as my life crumbles around me, I think. We'll see how that goes.

 

[-Link-]

Have you made conscious or semi- conscious efforts to shut off some emotions to protect yourself?

Any emotions that involve attachment or closeness to other people, be it platonically or romantically, I've definitely shut off as a protective measure, as my getting close to others has only ever ended in hurt (largely through no fault of their own but rather more to do with my anxiety-induced aversion to emotional intimacy). Mostly a subconscious thing, I expect. Sometimes I have to shut it down consciously, though, if I feel any hint of "those feelings" towards another person bubbling up, I'm just like, "NOPE, don't go there, Link."

Long-term severe depression and passive suicidality have blunted my emotions all across the spectrum, I believe, although @NormallyNeurotic makes an interesting insight that makes me think -- the idea they could be "more intense but buried deeper." I wonder what that would look like if they ever came roaring back.

 

[Forever Sleep]

the idea they could be "more intense but buried deeper." I wonder what that would look like if they ever came roaring back.

That's true actually. I think I did largely bury my limerent tendencies about ten years back although- I am still definitely susceptible. Now and again, I will get flickers of obsession about someone again. I just have to try really hard to manage my thoughts. Some emotions are better kept buried I think.

I think I've always repressed anger too. I wonder what would happen if that ever came out.

 

[leftoperish]

I feel you, honestly as we grow older and we start to understand the world and lose our child like innocence, it's really a sad thing to have to change your nature just to fit in with society and even if they are happy social interactions, you or (at least I) start to hate what i have to become just to fit in, and makes me feel like an actor I've been played for a fool, counted out, and disrespected. But I've built an iron clad heart no to let it bother me i own my life and only i decide how it goes. Hope this helps. I have more to say but because i understand the feeling i know it will be a painful read for you, so just little words is all you need…..find your heart and remain who you are but always expect the least from people. Godspeed friend we will eventually reach the light

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

That's true actually. I think I did largely bury my limerent tendencies about ten years back although- I am still definitely susceptible. Now and again, I will get flickers of obsession about someone again. I just have to try really hard to manage my thoughts. Some emotions are better kept buried I think.

I think I've always repressed anger too. I wonder what would happen if that ever came out.

I think I buried it so successfully (despite it getting more intense as I grew) just because of the severity of my dissociation it will definitely vary person to person, I think. Sometimes it feels like I have the collective rage of like... 1000+ people.