Have not gone to school in 4 weeks; Suicidal thoughts are getting stronger

[lifecouldbedream]

I'm wondering if it would be beneficial to tell my school/family that I believe myself to be suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. I've already attempted suicide a couple of times, only failed because I backed out. After a period of using psychadelics and dissasociatives I thought I was no longer depressed for a few months or so. That being the case, I am now at the point where I am genuinely considering getting the materials for another suicide attempt or starting to cut myself. My parents are not mad at me for missing school, but they don't seem to have an idea of what my condition is. I was hoping that they could figure it out because there is no way in hell I am telling them anything regarding my mental state, even if it would benefit me. My dad asked me why I didn't go to school today, I said "I'm trying to." in reference to the fact that it seems to be a challenge just to get out of bed in the morning, and he just looked at me weird.

I'm going to start microdosing mushrooms which should help to a degree but that won't fix the fact that I have guranteed the failure of all of my classes, and already have been kicked out of some of them. Thoughts on telling the school about my mental state? Is it a bad idea? I would honestly rather just do it but my survival instinct is way too high and this was the reason I failed my other attempts. Last time I attempted I was having traumatizing visions of my family finding me dead for months. I still get them sometimes.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I'm kind of in the same boat, tbh. I just dropped my classes due to this.

That would be up to you. If you can't CTB right now, perhaps you should if you feel you need to. If you notify the school, they probably won't be able to do much about your classes, because I'm pretty sure mental illness/disabilities have to be on file before you start the class, but they might direct you towards professional help and/or attempt to get you hospitalized. I don't know how efficient your school is about that, but if you are afraid you're going to harm yourself and you don't want to, you can always voluntarily admit yourself to a ward.

If you think the psych ward would make things worse, then hold off; there's nothing much the school could do anyway, but it's better to be on the safe side. Also, there may be free counseling on your campus or other resources, so you could always inquire about that.

*I'm going off the fact that people generally freak out if you say you have suicidal thoughts. I can't say anything would happen for sure.

 

[symphony]

If school is a trigger at the moment, generally it is possible to withdraw fully in the middle of a semester for medical reasons (including mental illness or suicidality) with little or no academic consequences.

 

[mboo]

Generally it's better not to isolate yourself. Mind you I'm doing it now too! Better to mix with people. There's always someone like you to talk to you. Even if they are hard to see. They are there. Hurting too.
Parents might look weird because they don't know what to do or say. They may want to help.

 

[lifecouldbedream]

Generally it's better not to isolate yourself. Mind you I'm doing it now too! Better to mix with people. There's always someone like you to talk to you. Even if they are hard to see. They are there. Hurting too.

I genuinely cannot stand being around people. Even people I like I feel the need to stay away from them. Almost mental torture just to make eye contact with someone. As a result I usually do not ask for help of any degree; for example I would rather walk for 2 hours to school than ask one of my family members for a ride even though I know they would be completely fine with taking me.

This has also fed into this loop where I do not go to school. The more days I miss, the more attention will be drawn to me. I go to a relatively small school so its even harder to blend in with the crowd than usual. I have an unusually intense fear of being looked at, I know many people will look at me when I walk into class for the first time in a month because of the attention drawn. Or at the very least they will be thinking of me.

 

[mboo]

I'm so sorry it's like this. Can you talk to a therapist? Do you enjoy learning when you are at school? Walking is healthy. But 4 hours a day is too much. Are you old enough to learn to drive?
I'm an extrovert so enjoy being with people. Or at least I did. Now I'm depressed it's not as good. I'm embarrassed. But people do care and it helps you.

 

[Foresight]

Are you in college?

It's time to reach out directly to the school. Contact the counselor.

If your parents are ignorant or nonresponsive then they're useless. If you have an understanding parent, reach out to them too.

 

[whatevs]

Going by what you wrote your parents seem worryingly unaware of your condition. Of course that you should talk candidly with them about what's happening to you.

I hope it's just a communication glitch and they aren't emotionally out of touch.

I would also contact whoever that's in charge of this kind of thing in college, but my experience with that was very negative, although perhaps I just happened to stumble with an asshole...

 

[lifecouldbedream]

I'm so sorry it's like this. Can you talk to a therapist? Do you enjoy learning when you are at school? Walking is healthy. But 4 hours a day is too much. Are you old enough to learn to drive?
I'm an extrovert so enjoy being with people. Or at least I did. Now I'm depressed it's not as good. I'm embarrassed. But people do care and it helps you.

Old enough to learn how to drive, but due to my hatred of social interaction I haven't tried to ask my parents to help me finding a class.

Are you in college?

It's time to reach out directly to the school. Contact the counselor.

If your parents are ignorant or nonresponsive then they're useless. If you have an understanding parent, reach out to them too.

Going by what you wrote your parents seem worryingly unaware of your condition. Of course that you should talk candidly with them about what's happening to you.

I hope it's just a communication glitch and they aren't emotionally out of touch.

I would also contact whoever that's in charge of this kind of thing in college, but my experience with that was very negative, although perhaps I just happened to stumble with an asshole...

I'm a senior in high school. My parents are very caring, and I can tell they love me, but very incompetent in life, which has led me to avoid talking to them for the most part out of a semi-hatred, on top of my inability to make social contact on my own. I suppose at this point its just a matter of gaining the courage to tell someone, but it seems like an impossible task. I really want to but can't bear the thought of actually saying something deeply personal out of my own volition.

It's not like I'm planning to kill myself anytime soon at the very least. I'm very suicidal but after my last attempt I am too afraid of death to really try. That being said its still a major impact on my ability to live the way I want to and not fail school completely. At this point I might as well have already killed "myself," metaphorically speaking.

 

[mboo]

In the uk you learn to drive with an instructor and it's not that social. It's 121. It then gives you freedom. Your parents care and a ride to school would be helpful I'm sure. You sound very intelligent. Learning must be better than staying home. As you say the more you withdraw the worse it is.

I'm wondering if it would be beneficial to tell my school/family that I believe myself to be suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. I've already attempted suicide a couple of times, only failed because I backed out. After a period of using psychadelics and dissasociatives I thought I was no longer depressed for a few months or so. That being the case, I am now at the point where I am genuinely considering getting the materials for another suicide attempt or starting to cut myself. My parents are not mad at me for missing school, but they don't seem to have an idea of what my condition is. I was hoping that they could figure it out because there is no way in hell I am telling them anything regarding my mental state, even if it would benefit me. My dad asked me why I didn't go to school today, I said "I'm trying to." in reference to the fact that it seems to be a challenge just to get out of bed in the morning, and he just looked at me weird.

I'm going to start microdosing mushrooms which should help to a degree but that won't fix the fact that I have guranteed the failure of all of my classes, and already have been kicked out of some of them. Thoughts on telling the school about my mental state? Is it a bad idea? I would honestly rather just do it but my survival instinct is way too high and this was the reason I failed my other attempts. Last time I attempted I was having traumatizing visions of my family finding me dead for months. I still get them sometimes.

You clearly love your family. Tell them. And tell school. They will all try to help. Or you could engage a therapist yourself to help you?

 

[cooldude420]

Tell your school about depression and potential withdrawal with immediate readmission. Tell your parents about depression. Tell them you want to fight for a better life and want to beat the depression. I would say the stigma of depression is no where near as bad as it was 10, 20, 30+ years ago.

Small Victories are the beginnings of huge wins.
Focus on the little things. Go for a walk even if EXTREMELY depressed. I say this from experience. I'd go out at night for a walk with my shoulders slumped and head down. Just to make some kind of minor small progress. Clean 3 things in your room. 5 minutes of homework.

Microdosing helps but....
But it is not the silver bullet that will drastically change everything in you. It will help you get out of the worst of it. But you will still need to incorporate good habits. Do healthy self care. Exercise of any sort. Socialization (even go join some sort of organization for an interest). Meditation [ you can get a free year of the waking up app and learn how to meditate that way. it is one of the best meditation apps that I have come across.]

Keep fighting. I've been in worst than you. I won't lie and sugar coat and say it will get better. But, it CAN get better.
I went back and reread some of the other posts and comments.

Do you want to get better with people? I'm not saying to like being with people. But, get better and understanding and dealing with people? Extroverts are naturally better at social skills then introverts just like tall people are better at volleyball and basket ball. But, the key is.... social skills. They are learnable and improvable.

 

[lifecouldbedream]

Tell your school about depression and potential withdrawal with immediate readmission. Tell your parents about depression. Tell them you want to fight for a better life and want to beat the depression. I would say the stigma of depression is no where near as bad as it was 10, 20, 30+ years ago.

Small Victories are the beginnings of huge wins.
Focus on the little things. Go for a walk even if EXTREMELY depressed. I say this from experience. I'd go out at night for a walk with my shoulders slumped and head down. Just to make some kind of minor small progress. Clean 3 things in your room. 5 minutes of homework.

Microdosing helps but....
But it is not the silver bullet that will drastically change everything in you. It will help you get out of the worst of it. But you will still need to incorporate good habits. Do healthy self care. Exercise of any sort. Socialization (even go join some sort of organization for an interest). Meditation [ you can get a free year of the waking up app and learn how to meditate that way. it is one of the best meditation apps that I have come across.]

Keep fighting. I've been in worst than you. I won't lie and sugar coat and say it will get better. But, it CAN get better.
I went back and reread some of the other posts and comments.

Do you want to get better with people? I'm not saying to like being with people. But, get better and understanding and dealing with people? Extroverts are naturally better at social skills then introverts just like tall people are better at volleyball and basket ball. But, the key is.... social skills. They are learnable and improvable.

You make good points, small steps do seem to be the best way to make progress. I am aware that microdosing and even tripping are not silver bullets (so far I have been on a few trips and they have not helped), just hoping that they can "jumpstart" my motivation to start improving. Unfortunately so far any benefits I get from the two seem to only last a few days, but I'm sure that with time and with combined effort to improve it will make a difference.

As for social skills, I would say that I am very good at reading people and understanding social interaction most of the time. Reading body language, tone, facial expression and the meanings of things that people say is second nature to me and I do it constantly to gauge my position in a conversation or social setting, as well as to understand what the person is thinking. Just not very good at exercising what I learn from analyzing social interactions, nor do I have a high will to engage with people. I highly suspect that I have autism spectrum disorder for a large sum of reasons, my social deficits included; at the very least something is wrong with me that makes me present with symptoms similar to those with autism spectrum disorder. I can't know for sure without a professional diagnosis but I usually don't try to push myself because of the mental exhaustion that usually results from even small social interactions. Truthfully, I'm completely fine with this as I can actually talk very confidently with people that I like and have a large amount of similarities with. That being said, this social deficit is detrimental when it comes to asking for help which is what I really want to improve on.

 

[cooldude420]

I'd start with the book atomic habits. You should be able to find it in a library or amazon. There are probably places you can find a pdf for free of it on the internet.

Feel free to reach out and send a message if you ever need to. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I'd start with the book atomic habits. You should be able to find it in a library or amazon. There are probably places you can find a pdf for free of it on the internet.

Feel free to reach out and send a message if you ever need to. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

here ya go

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

here ya go

Very interesting. Thanks.

 

[Heartaches]

I've been going through a similar situation for months. It's complicated, but I think the best think you can do is to speak about your issues with the school and your parents; maybe ask if the school has support for student's mental health, not just a counselor but maybe if they could give you some leniency with school work. My mom spoke to the principal in my school about my mental health struggles and for some time they weren't as hard on me and gave me more time to send homework.

As for your parents, I think it's be good to open up with them about your struggles but not everything at once, but talking to them about them gradually so you can take your time and not feel pressured to speak about every little detail. I hope your parents can understand and support in some way, cause it sounds kinda weird they aren't worried or haven't inquired much about how you've been feeling.