Sorry for the word-salad title and post, I tried to pack everything I wanted to say in it. I hope this won't turn into a debate. I fully accept that this subject matter is silly to those who don't relate.
Just wondering if anyone can relate to my frustrations. At some point I came to the conclusion that our five senses can't perceive all there is in reality (due to multiple drug experiences). This opened the door for me to explore more esoteric avenues.
I tried praying, meditation, reading scripture, water-fasting for three weeks, fasting and abstaining sexual activity at certain points of the lunar calendar ("sacred secretion"), Neville Goddard, yoga, kundalini-related breathing and exercise techniques, and much more. The full list is long and laughably dumb, but I was really reaching for a spiritual connection out of sheer desperation, a type of connection that MANY people testify having from doing a lot less.
It's frustrating because you hear a lot about "unconditional love" in these sort of circles, and how all you have to do is "just ask for it and receive it bro." Yet, here I am doing all this work over the course of years with nothing to show for it. I know nothing is owed and I sound like a spoiled brat, but it's discouraging. It's like opening the door for God or "love" to come in, meeting halfway and putting in the effort, yet no one shows up. The religious and spiritual will start moving goalposts, saying you didn't do this or that. If you name it, I very likely tried it. Only thing is I haven't tried lately is asking people to pray for me. Seems a bit too selfish to ask for someone flawed like me. I'll only disappoint those people. I had a previous experience with a church group in my youth that prayed for me and I am ashamed of how I turned out despite all their kindness and hope towards me.
After some years, at the end of of my patience, all I started asking for was simply communication from Jesus/God. That's it. I haven't received anything unfortunately.
Anyone else have related experiences?
Just wondering if anyone can relate to my frustrations. At some point I came to the conclusion that our five senses can't perceive all there is in reality (due to multiple drug experiences). This opened the door for me to explore more esoteric avenues.
I tried praying, meditation, reading scripture, water-fasting for three weeks, fasting and abstaining sexual activity at certain points of the lunar calendar ("sacred secretion"), Neville Goddard, yoga, kundalini-related breathing and exercise techniques, and much more. The full list is long and laughably dumb, but I was really reaching for a spiritual connection out of sheer desperation, a type of connection that MANY people testify having from doing a lot less.
It's frustrating because you hear a lot about "unconditional love" in these sort of circles, and how all you have to do is "just ask for it and receive it bro." Yet, here I am doing all this work over the course of years with nothing to show for it. I know nothing is owed and I sound like a spoiled brat, but it's discouraging. It's like opening the door for God or "love" to come in, meeting halfway and putting in the effort, yet no one shows up. The religious and spiritual will start moving goalposts, saying you didn't do this or that. If you name it, I very likely tried it. Only thing is I haven't tried lately is asking people to pray for me. Seems a bit too selfish to ask for someone flawed like me. I'll only disappoint those people. I had a previous experience with a church group in my youth that prayed for me and I am ashamed of how I turned out despite all their kindness and hope towards me.
After some years, at the end of of my patience, all I started asking for was simply communication from Jesus/God. That's it. I haven't received anything unfortunately.
Anyone else have related experiences?
