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Jemo_

Jemo_

No_other_way_outta_this_sh#thole
Apr 22, 2021
42
I just self -diagnosed months ago. It sucks how all the symptoms just resonate with what I feel. It's a huge load to carry and makes me want to question every experience in my life.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,571
I have it, (Aspergers Syndrome) but I was also diagnosed when I was a child.
 
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electrojellysoup

electrojellysoup

Member
Apr 19, 2021
43
Getting my assessment done next week. Been waiting for months for this, after years of doctors telling me to get it checked out. Would be cool to have more answers about what my issues actually are.
 
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P

Phoenix

Student
Feb 27, 2021
153
I've always felt there's something more than just mental health going on with me. I've never felt like I've fitted in anywhere, never been able to have friendships from a young age, have obsessive routines, can't cope with change (even just furniture being moved) major sensory issues especially with loud noises. I've always slipped through the net. Self harmed from 7 but didn't get a mental health diagnosis until I was 23. I'm an expert in hiding everything and just doing what others do/what is expected of me. Find it impossible to express myself until it hits complete melt down. But I'm 28 now, maybe it's too late for a diagnosis? Maybe it isn't even autism. I don't know. Sorry guys a complete rant here. I just know something isn't right
 
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fox_wannabe

fox_wannabe

Enlightened
Jul 7, 2021
1,112
I have been diagnosed in early childhood, but It was forgotten and swept under the rug because mom wants a high performing child. Have been treated as malfunctioning or subhuman in school.
 
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Makko

Makko

Iä!
Jan 17, 2021
2,430
I've had an opponent who got an autism diagnosis as an adult, thinking it would help him keep his apartment. It didn't.
 
S

sillysweary

Member
Aug 14, 2021
10
I'm in the process of getting a formal diagnosis, though my psychiatrist is certain I have Aspergers (or whatever they call it now) and I'm in my 40s. It makes lots of things make a bit more sense but has also made me pretty angry and feel like there's no point in trying anymore because I'll always be "wrong".

I've been bullied because oft my peculiar behaviour my entire life. And am right now to be honest by a bunch of arsehole neighbours. Knowing that actually I *am* the problem sucks.
 
Stroopwafel.

Stroopwafel.

Meow
Jan 14, 2020
109
I've been diagnosed 3.5 years ago, I'm 28 years old now. It literally fucked up my life. I've had so many wrong diagnosis and treatment/therapy before, it completely ruined me. So much damage was done by all those wrong diagnoses and therapies, there's no way to ever fix this anymore.
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Cat Extremist
Dec 27, 2020
4,852
But I'm 28 now, maybe it's too late for a diagnosis?
A friend of mine was diagnosed when in his 60s. He was quite happy with it, as it explained a lot of what he'd been through and allowed him to make new friends within that community. Though he died just a couple of years later of cancer.

I was diagnosed at about the age of 19, though in doing so, my family had the agenda of denying that I had been abused and explaining my behaviour (such as being afraid of leaving my bedroom) as a genetic abnormality. I never worked out what the truth was, though autism plus abuse/neglect/bullying is definitely not a nice combination. It seems to me that support and competence on the part of caregivers is absolutely critical to functioning reasonably in the world.
 
Snake of Eden

Snake of Eden

“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
Jun 22, 2021
2,473
I just self -diagnosed months ago. It sucks how all the symptoms just resonate with what I feel. It's a huge load to carry and makes me want to question every experience in my life.
Same exact thing happened with me. My whole existence flipped upside down when i discovered it. I can look back and understand why I did the things i did and also why I was always different from everyone else in immense manner
 
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Snake of Eden

Snake of Eden

“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
Jun 22, 2021
2,473
If I'd been diagnosed when I was younger I probably wouldn't be planning to ctb now. I spent my whole life being unable to fit in anywhere. My parents didn't try to get a diagnosis because they didn't want me to be 'labelled' so I felt like a complete failure while growing up because I couldn't make friends or do anything neurotypical people could. I tried to get a diagnosis at 21 but probably because I'd become so adept at masking I was told I didn't meet the diagnostic threshold and was referred for adhd assessment instead. I was then prescribed amphetamines which I quickly became addicted to and ruined my physical and mental health with and lost my job as a result. I was eventually told by a psychiatrist this year that I'd been on the autistic spectrum all along. Well I'm ready to ctb next month so too little too late I guess.
It is sad reading what you been through because of lack of understanding for what you have. Autism isnt just some disease, it defines who you are and you cant help but wonder who you could have been if it wasnt for that affliction. I am on an autism facebook group and I see different attitudes in regards to people dealing with their own autism. Some embrace it and some complain it is not that great to have it. I lean to view it as an affliction and a flaw because I know how I really struggled going through life with all physical, mental and social problems that comes with it. Since it presents differently in each individual it is hard to dissect what I can qualify as my personality or autism and they maybe intertwined. Like you i came to this realization later in life and I regret and wonder who I could have been. Sadly it is too late now as I already failed with the opportunities that were given to me to build a good life and this is why I ended up here. All I want now that I may have access to is peace and I wish forgiveness from myself to myself but alot has been lost and I cant help but feel alot of hatred towards myself for what I have done to ruin my life and make it how it is today. It feels like ctb is a conducive action to my past behavior and with it I will inflict my final act to seal my fate as someone who took a self destructive path from beginning to the end. It is tragic but I dont find there is another way
 
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Dear Agony

Dear Agony

The Void
Jan 24, 2020
296
I'm pretty sure I'm an undiagnosed autistic. I wasn't able to get a diagnosis as a kid because the diagnostic criteria was super strict and I'm a female (that makes it harder to be diagnosed because of common stereotypes). If I'm right about this, then it would explain like all of the reasons why I want to CTB in the first place, give me an insight to my life, help me cope with trauma and even hate myself less. I'm going to meet up with a neuropsychiatrist soon and I really hope it goes well, it's like my only hope right now.
I have no social life, no friends, never dated anyone and developed severe agoraphobia due to sensory issues/bullying in my childhood. Among multiple other issues, like severe stimming all day. It takes over my life. I hope to get taken serious this time because it makes so much sense. I'm 19 btw.
 
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Snake of Eden

Snake of Eden

“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
Jun 22, 2021
2,473
I'm pretty sure I'm an undiagnosed autistic. I wasn't able to get a diagnosis as a kid because the diagnostic criteria was super strict and I'm a female (that makes it harder to be diagnosed because of common stereotypes). If I'm right about this, then it would explain like all of the reasons why I want to CTB in the first place, give me an insight to my life, help me cope with trauma and even hate myself less. I'm going to meet up with a neuropsychiatrist soon and I really hope it goes well, it's like my only hope right now.
I have no social life, no friends, never dated anyone and developed severe agoraphobia due to sensory issues/bullying in my childhood. Among multiple other issues, like severe stimming all day. It takes over my life. I hope to get taken serious this time because it makes so much sense. I'm 19 btw.
Best of luck. It is good you are still relatively young. If you say you think you have it then I believe it. I hope diagnosis will improve your mental state and to empower you to better understand and accept who you are and then work with it from there.
 
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Snake of Eden

Snake of Eden

“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
Jun 22, 2021
2,473
I think I could have learnt to live with it if I'd been given the right support. I was high functioning enough to hold down a job for years. Loneliness has always been a problem for me but the hardest part was always the guilt and shame I'd have to endure for being abnormal. If I'd had a diagnosis I don't think these feelings would have been engendered so deeply.
I agree full heartedly with what you say. I am also high functioning but I made terrible decisions in my life because of my extreme demand avoidant mentality and I am paying high price for it. Even if my disorders were responsible for the mistakes i made, suffering the consequences of my bad deicions will never enable me from truly embracing who I am or forgive myself. It is the worst position in life to be in and i didnt realize that until it was too late and nothing can be done about it. I am unable to live and function normally because guilt and shame has made me almost a hikikomori as I renounced any desire to socially interact or work because it feels that I have fallen from grace to oblivion where only more self destruction seem conducive. There is no turning back now
 
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NearlyIrrelevantCake

NearlyIrrelevantCake

The Cake Is A Lie
Aug 12, 2021
1,630
Not formally diagnosed, but when I was applying for disability ~6 years ago, a social worker wrote on the forms that I am, quote, "socially and emotionally retarded".
 
C

cantseethelight

Member
Jul 6, 2021
71
If I'd been diagnosed when I was younger I probably wouldn't be planning to ctb now. I spent my whole life being unable to fit in anywhere. My parents didn't try to get a diagnosis because they didn't want me to be 'labelled' so I felt like a complete failure while growing up because I couldn't make friends or do anything neurotypical people could. I tried to get a diagnosis at 21 but probably because I'd become so adept at masking I was told I didn't meet the diagnostic threshold and was referred for adhd assessment instead. I was then prescribed amphetamines which I quickly became addicted to and ruined my physical and mental health with and lost my job as a result. I was eventually told by a psychiatrist this year that I'd been on the autistic spectrum all along. Well I'm ready to ctb next month so too little too late I guess.
Hey, I really feel like I'm experiencing something similar to what you described, would you mind if I DM'D you?
 
fox_wannabe

fox_wannabe

Enlightened
Jul 7, 2021
1,112
I go through same story, am 22 now and have been diagnosed with depression recently. I am told I am "normal" or even acknowledged as aspie by my mother, but nothing is done to help me. I am lonely and unable to fit. Also very fragile and sensitive. I am quitting this or next month.
 
WaitWithoutHope

WaitWithoutHope

Member
Aug 20, 2021
20
My psychiatrist wrote "probable ASD" in the notes after my first appointment with her. I self-diagnosed years ago, but didn't seek professional help until I had a complete mental breakdown last October. It now says "possible ASD" in the notes after every appointment I have, but my therapist told me recently that the Kaiser doctors I've been seeing don't do assessments themselves, that they send patients out of network for that, and that it would cost money I don't have. I'm on Medi-Cal, so I'm limited in my options if I want to pursue a formal diagnosis. I've taken the Autism Spectrum Quotient and my score was 47/50, which was "clinically significant" according to my psychiatrist.

It sucks that there aren't more resources out there for people like us. I could really use help with developing my social skills & processing my sensory issues, as well as with job placement, education, housing, etc.
 
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Tomoko

Tomoko

Unpopular
Aug 12, 2021
123
No, but I can tell I'm not normal, so I'm gonna get checked out. Honestly kind of hope I have it so that my family members can stop bitching at me for being weird without feeling horrible for it.
 
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WaitWithoutHope

WaitWithoutHope

Member
Aug 20, 2021
20
No, but I can tell I'm not normal, so I'm gonna get checked out. Honestly kind of hope I have it so that my family members can stop bitching at me for being weird without feeling horrible for it.
 

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