FarSquid
Alone, at the end of everything
- Nov 14, 2021
- 8
May 30th, 2022. On or by that day, I will finally be free from this living hell. It's the only thing keeping me going at this point, which is fucked up if I think about it so I don't. Everything keeps getting worse, forever and always, and there is no other escape. The only thing I'm worried about is minimizing any effects on a few friends and my roommate - planning to find a nice secluded place so roomie doesn't have to worry about any mess. Friends will get a letter/email I suppose, something as heartfelt as I can manage.
It's always in my thoughts, that date of final salvation from this torture. Every night as I struggle to fall asleep, I solidify my plans a bit more. Everything is ready for the day I choose, thank fuck. I'm very tempted to leave a detailed note, telling everyone who might care just how fucked up my entire life has been for so long. Not that anyone wants to read it, of course. But getting that out might make me feel a bit better, semi-memorialized in death, if not in life. Sometimes all I can feel is anger, at everyone who never cared enough to leave a child alone and lives a happy life while I live in the turmoil their actions left behind.
May 30th can't come quickly enough.
It's always in my thoughts, that date of final salvation from this torture. Every night as I struggle to fall asleep, I solidify my plans a bit more. Everything is ready for the day I choose, thank fuck. I'm very tempted to leave a detailed note, telling everyone who might care just how fucked up my entire life has been for so long. Not that anyone wants to read it, of course. But getting that out might make me feel a bit better, semi-memorialized in death, if not in life. Sometimes all I can feel is anger, at everyone who never cared enough to leave a child alone and lives a happy life while I live in the turmoil their actions left behind.
May 30th can't come quickly enough.