Venting hating people while being lonely (and bored)

[nails]

i wish i could completely hate human interaction as much as i hate humans. i don't know what to do about that. i love talking to people and even hearing others talk, but i hate people because they're all so terrible. everything goes downhill after the joy of conversation ends.
no, i'm not going to talk to ai chatbots. it's not the same and it just makes me feel more lonely.

irl or online, people are garbage. talking to anyone is pointless, but i keep doing it like an idiot. nearly everyone i meet is an asshole or weirdo. the decent people i meet just have no interest in knowing me (not that the assholes are interested in me either).
i've tried everything and put in all the advice that i've received here and from other people/sources. it's all futile. how can someone tell me to just keep trying and wait for the right people when i've been trying for practically my entire life? i can't believe that the people on this forum of all places tell me that bullshit. how many times have you been told to keep trying because "you'll get better" and "x issue will get better if you try/keep going"? it's so infuriating. i've put in the work and i've only gotten worse and worse because of it. people have ruined everything. everyone i cared about just left and every attempt i've made to find new connections or heal or whatever just left me worse off. i regret ever reaching out to other people and trying to make friends.
i don't think i have the energy to rant about my family again. it could be much worse, they just don't care at all. they all just seem so indifferent to, and sometimes irritated by my existence. they don't care about anything i have to say. that's how it is with everyone i meet. they only talk to me if i'm the only person available, but even then, they aren't even having a conversation with me. they just talk and get annoyed or disinterested whenever i try to contribute (but then occasionally get mad when i don't contribute enough).

i don't feel as distraught as i used to, but i still feel miserable most of the time. i'm just very bored all of the time. i despise being at work, but i hate staying home even more because there's just nothing to do. i have no one to talk to, every hobby and activity just makes me feel really depressed or anxious. i've stopped everything completely. i occasionally tried to dabble in different activities, but i don't want to do that anymore. it all leaves me feeling so terrible. i haven't even been able to yap on this site because that requires me to think about what i'm feeling, which obviously just makes me sad. i don't even have the energy to self harm. i still get strong urges, i just can't muster up the energy to simple grab the blade. i want to enjoy things again but i just can't.

 

[jes7ter]

probably the most relatable thing ive read on here
im sorry you feel that way, i know what its like too well

 

[cluefixphantom]

I've also tried talking with chat assistants, but the conversations become boring so fast. Many don't approach they wait for input. Copilot asks if he can add things to the image and make it better but it's another way of asking for input. And since everything has become more commercial, they've also gotten dumber.

Companies try to limit AI so that especially outsiders or people who are poor can't really discuss what they actually need to. I rather "talk" to a cat that constantly meows, scratches, and knocks things over–at least she shows some kind of participation and she is a physical body. AI sadly doesn't have this yet. But I wish it comes soon (like in Detroit Become Human).

When you chat with popular assistants, they quickly refer you to therapists or just say some nonsense you'd hear from mainstream people. I'm constantly looking for AI that isn't programmed like that–one that thinks more like Schopenhauer, Karim Akerma, Valerie Solanas, Mary Daly, and so on, more something spectacular and funny.

I also want AI that generates images and songs for free, showing and playing what I really want to see and hear–not just what's popular. The ordinary people are dull and they limit AI because of this and to earn more money.

 

[darksouls]

assholes were always very interested in me,
people in real life are vile energy vampires,
they exploited me mercilessly