Hating life, mistakes, pain, insight

[downndone2]

I am posting yet again.. I hate myself and everything I've done and ruined. I just can't forgive myself even if I've been forgiven by others. The pain is unbearable, anxiety and depression crippling. Constantly feeling like ctb has become my only option to escape the pain of it all. Then the daily physical pain and other symptoms wear me down. Things are just nonstop gutwrenching....

Still trying to get any additional insight on if I crush approx 500mg oxy and 500mg demerol, add sodium chloride, administer iv and will it be enough...I also have metoprolol (approx 1 month supply) I could take orally in addition. Also, have insulin but would rather not go thru those symptoms if the opiates will do it...

If not, my other methods are just awful ones..gunshot or something else that'd be traumatic. Unless I can manage to come up with N or Fent...

Any insight... I just must end this bs soon

 

[jodes2]

SN isn't that bad. Heroin is good if you don't mind injecting yourself. Ppeh's 4 drug protocol with morphine is a peaceful way to go. Although you need to buy and crush 1000 pills. Time consuming and expensive

 

[MortisJ.]

If You've been forgiven, instead of closing yourself from everyone, try making contact with those who have forgiven you and stay close to them, though it might not relieve all the pain, I'd suggest trying to loosen the burden you have by thinking positive things, and surrounding yourself in positive connections, though the past may haunt you, the future is in Your hands.

 

[downndone2]

SN isn't that bad. Heroin is good if you don't mind injecting yourself. Ppeh's 4 drug protocol with morphine is a peaceful way to go. Although you need to buy and crush 1000 pills. Time consuming and expensive

If I could count on finding heroin or fent I would do that in a second.
Can't spend money on morphine
Is 500mg oxy and 500mg demerol going to do it if I crush and inject in vein?

I would think it might.

If You've been forgiven, instead of closing yourself from everyone, try making contact with those who have forgiven you and stay close to them, though it might not relieve all the pain, I'd suggest trying to loosen the burden you have by thinking positive things, and surrounding yourself in positive connections, though the past may haunt you, the future is in Your hands.

I understand your point but I can't go on like this. On top of being unable to forgive myself, I'm faced with losing everything and going to be in a financial disaster soon. I'm also unemployed wurg massive debt and other things. My health is quite poor physically and mentally. It will be best for me to just get it over with. I keep thinking my heart will just give out in my sleep with no such luck