ConfusedHurting2632
Student
- Dec 22, 2021
- 116
The reason I don't wanna live is because in my opinion this is simply just not a very good world (full of hatred and murder and the such), and from my point of view it just has nothing to offer me. My own personal life hasn't been the worst if we're talking in terms of events (as in nothing particularly tragic happened, I wasn't raped or anything, didn't experience my loved ones get murdered, etc; but I was often rejected by my peers a lot), but I was frequently sad at age 6 in Kindergarten, began facing depression at age 13, and had my first suicide attempts at age 17. Today I'm age 20, with a birthday coming up quite soon on July the 20th, and still haven't found any reason to live. Because what's the point of living if I always feel so apathetic and can't get pleasure out of anything?
The methods I tried were arguably pretty dumb, or really dumb depending on your standards, with probably around a 0% chance of success, but I was desperate and looking for any method that at least looked like in theory they could work. I tried tying a plastic bag around my head. I couldn't handle the pain, and eventually just took the bag off. I tried drowning myself in the bathtub. Again, I couldn't hold my breath under the water that long. I tried hanging myself from the doorknob with a belt formed to make a circle around my neck...I sat there for like an hour or two and no results besides the mark (temporary) from the belt on my neck. I tried cutting my arms, but I could never make more than very superficial cuts similar to cat scratches, that barely even bled. I tried to go deeper on my wrists but just couldn't do it.
I swear, or ignorantly swear, if only I had access to a gun or something this whole thing would've been so much easier, and I wouldn't have to resort to the 0% chance methods I described above. I'm aware a gun isn't necessarily 100% foolproof either, but it at least seems more hopeful than the dumbass methods I've been trying.
As for my current living situation, I graduated high school at age 18 the year 2020, and haven't really been doing anything since. I live with my parents and don't work or go to school or anything. I imagine having no money of my own or anything doesn't exactly help with finding methods. I'm also dumb and lazy in general, and can barely bring myself to read a few sentences of anything, for example. I also can rarely ever bring myself to go outside or leave the house. I live in Orlando, Florida if it matters anything at all.
Till I'm finally able to die, I just keep praying some criminal breaks into my house and shoots me, or that I somehow get sick and get cancer and die, just anything so I don't have to live anymore.
And yeah...that's about it. I rarely post anything, and when I do it's mainly just for myself, but still, I hope not any part of my post offended anyone, and I apologize if it did.
The methods I tried were arguably pretty dumb, or really dumb depending on your standards, with probably around a 0% chance of success, but I was desperate and looking for any method that at least looked like in theory they could work. I tried tying a plastic bag around my head. I couldn't handle the pain, and eventually just took the bag off. I tried drowning myself in the bathtub. Again, I couldn't hold my breath under the water that long. I tried hanging myself from the doorknob with a belt formed to make a circle around my neck...I sat there for like an hour or two and no results besides the mark (temporary) from the belt on my neck. I tried cutting my arms, but I could never make more than very superficial cuts similar to cat scratches, that barely even bled. I tried to go deeper on my wrists but just couldn't do it.
I swear, or ignorantly swear, if only I had access to a gun or something this whole thing would've been so much easier, and I wouldn't have to resort to the 0% chance methods I described above. I'm aware a gun isn't necessarily 100% foolproof either, but it at least seems more hopeful than the dumbass methods I've been trying.
As for my current living situation, I graduated high school at age 18 the year 2020, and haven't really been doing anything since. I live with my parents and don't work or go to school or anything. I imagine having no money of my own or anything doesn't exactly help with finding methods. I'm also dumb and lazy in general, and can barely bring myself to read a few sentences of anything, for example. I also can rarely ever bring myself to go outside or leave the house. I live in Orlando, Florida if it matters anything at all.
Till I'm finally able to die, I just keep praying some criminal breaks into my house and shoots me, or that I somehow get sick and get cancer and die, just anything so I don't have to live anymore.
And yeah...that's about it. I rarely post anything, and when I do it's mainly just for myself, but still, I hope not any part of my post offended anyone, and I apologize if it did.