N
noname223
Angelic
- Aug 18, 2020
- 4,992
I am not sure on my case. It is such a long time since I am a member of this forum.
I always was in favor of assisted suicide. I think the first time I was hesitant to use the abbreviation ctb. It did not feel right to use such an abbreviation for such an existential decision. However when I explored my own suicidality I also recognized that the whole ruminating about suicide is absurd in a certain way. I think about it on a daily basis, I spend a lot of time into it, sometimes it even feels like wasted time, sometimes it feels self-absorb and insular. However it is for sure a part of me.
These thoughts accompany me since such a long time. My first suicidal ideation started when I was 15. If I live another decade there will probably be more days when I thought about suicide than days without these thoughts. I am analyzing my whole life, decisions, likelihood etc.
I try to look at it from different angles. Many things I experience feel very cyncial for me. Because the whole game is so fucking rigged against me and I barely have a chance for an acceptable outcome. Especially this cynicism was a reason why I joked a lot during my most nightmarish time/ when I was acute suicidal in the clinic. Sometimes irony can be comforting and feel a little bit like catharsis. Humor can take the edges of pain. Sometimes emotions/ feelings can be paradoxical. Some people laugh at funerals despite the fact they are grieving a lot.
I cannot really say whether it changed my opinions in certain ways. I cannot remember the differences when I was no member.
Maybe it surprised me because many topics which are here discussed are also on my mind. Especially the things I ruminate about are similar to the contemplation in this forums. Like the fear of poverty or hurting loved ones. I think here in this forum there are many people with really horrible lives. People who are homeless or they have nightmarish health conditions. So I am a little bit more humble because I know I am not the only one with a shitty life who suffers on a daily basis.
When I read stories in this forum I might be reinforced in antinatalism. But I am still sceptical whether antinatalism can really solve our problems. The practical implementation seems for me close to impossible.
I think I have learned about other cultures in this forum. It is interesting to look beyond borders and to leave the German insular cosmos. Not sure whether one understands that in English.
One thing to add this forum motivated me to listen more to Lil Peep and Juice WRLD. And I really started to love them.
I think when one visits this forum often one can really see into the abyss. And realize how much pain and injustice there is in this world. Life is often very unfair. And I feel very sorry for all the people who suffer so much. For example culprits of crimes seem to get away with their action way too often without a just punishment. And the victims of these crimes are broken people.
I always was in favor of assisted suicide. I think the first time I was hesitant to use the abbreviation ctb. It did not feel right to use such an abbreviation for such an existential decision. However when I explored my own suicidality I also recognized that the whole ruminating about suicide is absurd in a certain way. I think about it on a daily basis, I spend a lot of time into it, sometimes it even feels like wasted time, sometimes it feels self-absorb and insular. However it is for sure a part of me.
These thoughts accompany me since such a long time. My first suicidal ideation started when I was 15. If I live another decade there will probably be more days when I thought about suicide than days without these thoughts. I am analyzing my whole life, decisions, likelihood etc.
I try to look at it from different angles. Many things I experience feel very cyncial for me. Because the whole game is so fucking rigged against me and I barely have a chance for an acceptable outcome. Especially this cynicism was a reason why I joked a lot during my most nightmarish time/ when I was acute suicidal in the clinic. Sometimes irony can be comforting and feel a little bit like catharsis. Humor can take the edges of pain. Sometimes emotions/ feelings can be paradoxical. Some people laugh at funerals despite the fact they are grieving a lot.
I cannot really say whether it changed my opinions in certain ways. I cannot remember the differences when I was no member.
Maybe it surprised me because many topics which are here discussed are also on my mind. Especially the things I ruminate about are similar to the contemplation in this forums. Like the fear of poverty or hurting loved ones. I think here in this forum there are many people with really horrible lives. People who are homeless or they have nightmarish health conditions. So I am a little bit more humble because I know I am not the only one with a shitty life who suffers on a daily basis.
When I read stories in this forum I might be reinforced in antinatalism. But I am still sceptical whether antinatalism can really solve our problems. The practical implementation seems for me close to impossible.
I think I have learned about other cultures in this forum. It is interesting to look beyond borders and to leave the German insular cosmos. Not sure whether one understands that in English.
One thing to add this forum motivated me to listen more to Lil Peep and Juice WRLD. And I really started to love them.
I think when one visits this forum often one can really see into the abyss. And realize how much pain and injustice there is in this world. Life is often very unfair. And I feel very sorry for all the people who suffer so much. For example culprits of crimes seem to get away with their action way too often without a just punishment. And the victims of these crimes are broken people.
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