zeldalover
Everybody agrees 👏🏼
- May 16, 2023
- 95
I'm curious. I know it seems to be very dependent on where you go, and more likely than not it's horribly traumatizing, but I'm starting to feel like it's either inpatient or death right now. I honestly don't think I'll make it within a week or two without seriously attempting. I've never gone to inpatient and so I have no idea if it would help me but it feels like maybe the only shot I have before fully determining to full blown CTB. I've heard stories where it has helped at least for a bit, and I just need something to help keep me alive for at least a year or two.
I guess a lot of it too is that I don't want to impulsively attempt if I'm going to attempt but every day feels like I'm so close to it. I promised my therapist a week of living and I had thought that if I can make it to next week without trying that I might try to see if I can voluntarily go, as it won't be easy for me otherwise given my living situation. I can't even call my CPEP because if I do I'm convinced my mom will say that I don't need it and that I'm being overdramatic, when in actuality I was shaking so hard last night in the bathroom trying not to do it.
I guess a lot of it too is that I don't want to impulsively attempt if I'm going to attempt but every day feels like I'm so close to it. I promised my therapist a week of living and I had thought that if I can make it to next week without trying that I might try to see if I can voluntarily go, as it won't be easy for me otherwise given my living situation. I can't even call my CPEP because if I do I'm convinced my mom will say that I don't need it and that I'm being overdramatic, when in actuality I was shaking so hard last night in the bathroom trying not to do it.