Iris Blue
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
- Oct 23, 2023
- 220
I'm sure it would have an impact on anyone one way or another. But have there ever been any specific instances that you think or know definitely was created from being adopted or going through the foster care system?
I am early 20s, I was adopted at a very young age (I was left outside a building in a different country without any information on my birth parents) and my adoptive parents always made sure that I grew up knowing where I came from but also making sure I knew I was still apart of their family as their own daughter. Sure it was exciting having an extra holiday (my adoption day) to celebrate every year and to get a better understanding of where I came from.
But there were still some struggles here and there and although I am glad my parents let me know I was adopted when I was young (so I wouldn't have to be told the obvious as I grew older that my parents were white and I was not), there was still more to it.
But one thing that has been apart of me that I never really noticed or understood until later on is how much I've been looking for a mother figure. Whether it was through teachers, family friends, even my own friends parents. I would always want to be near them and give them gifts to show my appreciation. And even if I were to see a mother figure on tv who seemed like a really good parent I'd be envious of a fictional character and their fictional family. It has gotten out of hand many times and a lot of the time I think back and just can't understand why or feel so much embarrassment. It still hasn't stopped. I never knew my birth mother and I had a very bad and toxic relationship with my adoptive mom. I feel incomplete and lost.
But now I don't want to celebrate my adoption day anymore. It makes me mad and upset wishing my birth mother just let me die. I really don't want to sound ungrateful to anyone but I feel like it was a waste for everyone to do those extra steps to give me a "better life" when all I'm going to do is throw it away soon anyways. Feeling this loss and incompleteness without being able to have someone to look up to and to go and ask for help and guidance through all the confusing and uncomfortable questions about life that only a mom would know makes it feel even more alone.
I feel bad for wasting everyone's time but I cant keep going on with these kind of thoughts everyday. Hopefully I didn't rant too much thank you if you read this far.
I am early 20s, I was adopted at a very young age (I was left outside a building in a different country without any information on my birth parents) and my adoptive parents always made sure that I grew up knowing where I came from but also making sure I knew I was still apart of their family as their own daughter. Sure it was exciting having an extra holiday (my adoption day) to celebrate every year and to get a better understanding of where I came from.
But there were still some struggles here and there and although I am glad my parents let me know I was adopted when I was young (so I wouldn't have to be told the obvious as I grew older that my parents were white and I was not), there was still more to it.
But one thing that has been apart of me that I never really noticed or understood until later on is how much I've been looking for a mother figure. Whether it was through teachers, family friends, even my own friends parents. I would always want to be near them and give them gifts to show my appreciation. And even if I were to see a mother figure on tv who seemed like a really good parent I'd be envious of a fictional character and their fictional family. It has gotten out of hand many times and a lot of the time I think back and just can't understand why or feel so much embarrassment. It still hasn't stopped. I never knew my birth mother and I had a very bad and toxic relationship with my adoptive mom. I feel incomplete and lost.
But now I don't want to celebrate my adoption day anymore. It makes me mad and upset wishing my birth mother just let me die. I really don't want to sound ungrateful to anyone but I feel like it was a waste for everyone to do those extra steps to give me a "better life" when all I'm going to do is throw it away soon anyways. Feeling this loss and incompleteness without being able to have someone to look up to and to go and ask for help and guidance through all the confusing and uncomfortable questions about life that only a mom would know makes it feel even more alone.
I feel bad for wasting everyone's time but I cant keep going on with these kind of thoughts everyday. Hopefully I didn't rant too much thank you if you read this far.