That's the only reason I'm still here, my sister is suffering enough and now he's found her. The police say as long as nothing happens they can't do anything.
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aWishNotTrue
- Apr 5, 2021
- 111
Yea it's fucked up, no option for a restraining order or the such (ex parte/order of protection)?
Maybe she can move in with you if that's possible, or at least get some security cams and stuff.
It sucks that there isn't much else you can do since law enforcement isn't able to help. Preemptive measures generally aren't given the respect they should have when there's no physical evidence the harasser has done anything.
Maybe she can move in with you if that's possible, or at least get some security cams and stuff.
It sucks that there isn't much else you can do since law enforcement isn't able to help. Preemptive measures generally aren't given the respect they should have when there's no physical evidence the harasser has done anything.
Zzzzz
Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
- Aug 8, 2018
- 879
As usual, police is useless.
I used to have a stalker when I was a youtuber. He was a guy who had found out the zone where I lived because I had recorded some videos on the streets and he just looked for me everywhere until he found me, followed me and then the following day sent me a message saying he knew where I live and he loved me and wanted us to be together.
I just ignored him. He kept messaging me but I never saw him again. This happened 5 years ago. Quite a disturbing experience.
Sorry to hear you're sister is dealing with this. I guess you could get some people and kick this guy's ass or try to get more evidence so that they see that this stalker is really dangerous!
I used to have a stalker when I was a youtuber. He was a guy who had found out the zone where I lived because I had recorded some videos on the streets and he just looked for me everywhere until he found me, followed me and then the following day sent me a message saying he knew where I live and he loved me and wanted us to be together.
I just ignored him. He kept messaging me but I never saw him again. This happened 5 years ago. Quite a disturbing experience.
Sorry to hear you're sister is dealing with this. I guess you could get some people and kick this guy's ass or try to get more evidence so that they see that this stalker is really dangerous!
BeansOfRequirement
Behind the guilt was compassion
- Jan 26, 2021
- 5,747
Oh god I wish I had a (female) stalker. I wonder if they like suicidal NEETs without any friends, maybe they do.
saltshaker
salt shaker, rule breaker
- Jan 29, 2021
- 402
UseItOrLoseIt
1O'8
- Dec 4, 2020
- 2,217
IsThisTheEnd?
Mange
- Aug 6, 2020
- 575
yes unfortunately they never really stop, it's beyond most people understanding, if you really are stalked my sympathy your need all your strength.
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
yeah,two (I'm like stalker bait)
The one broke into my house ,after having a restraining order against them, wanked in my underwear,slept in my bed and stuck a picture of my kids to the kitchen table with a knife
The second just loitered around my flat with wilting flowers....kida sad really
The one broke into my house ,after having a restraining order against them, wanked in my underwear,slept in my bed and stuck a picture of my kids to the kitchen table with a knife
The second just loitered around my flat with wilting flowers....kida sad really
My suggestions are carry mace/pepper spray and keep a hammer next to your bed. Guns require too much distance and training to use, and knives too much training, precision, and strength. Baseball bats also require too much space and strength.
Your sister needs to control the situation. Take away his ability to stalk. If she sees him on the street, go right up to him and start talking. If he calls, answer. Fuck with his head way worse than he can fuck with hers. Oh, and my favorite - find his car and take out all 4 tire valves. Just keep doing that over and over, and make that motherfucker go crazy when he can't leave his house because he always needs to fill all 4 tires. You can't even get in trouble for that. You're not slashing tires or anything.
Never give someone who you're scared of power in any situation. Never show fear.
Your sister needs to control the situation. Take away his ability to stalk. If she sees him on the street, go right up to him and start talking. If he calls, answer. Fuck with his head way worse than he can fuck with hers. Oh, and my favorite - find his car and take out all 4 tire valves. Just keep doing that over and over, and make that motherfucker go crazy when he can't leave his house because he always needs to fill all 4 tires. You can't even get in trouble for that. You're not slashing tires or anything.
Never give someone who you're scared of power in any situation. Never show fear.
Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
As a woman, the best self defence articles are a can of hairspray and a lighter. it's npt illegal and is scary as hell and gives you TIME
Even if you can't get to the lighter, hairspray in the eyes will slow an attacker down. My suggestions were for a (generally) non-violent stalker/creep. If you are dealing with someone who is going to rape/kill you, you have to fight back with everything you have. Don't spray and run, spray and injure him in the most damaging ways you can. First I would say blind him by pushing your fingers into his eyes until they cave in.
In a rape/kill situation, if you don't take him out permanently, he will come back to finish the job, and the cops won't do shit. It's better to die fighting than get raped, killed, and thrown in a ditch.
Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
There's no better option than to run the hell away.
I had two and a half years of being beaten to a pulp,dragged around London by the hair because i somehow caused him to miss the bus, attempts to kill various friends and relatives. Mace is illegal in many places and it's just something innocuous for a female to carry
I had two and a half years of being beaten to a pulp,dragged around London by the hair because i somehow caused him to miss the bus, attempts to kill various friends and relatives. Mace is illegal in many places and it's just something innocuous for a female to carry
Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
This is a sttalker and a narcissist. To the rest of the world he's delightful and charming.
It's the victim who's to blame
this is not rational thought
It's the victim who's to blame
this is not rational thought
@Kattt I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I do hope it's behind you. Please be safe.
Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
It's in the past. More important is trying to ensure the safety of those in the grips of a deranged mind. Even after i got a police panic button, he would keep kicking the door in. But it can't last forever. there's nearly always charities and orgs that will offer help and advice. I think it's probably worse for men in that situation with the expectations and emotional state expected of them
@Kattt idk, I've never been stalked. But even if I were, there wouldn't be the threat of physical violence against me.
I fucking hate men who abuse women. They are usually cowards and would run to the cops if confronted by someone who is their physical equal.
And you're right. In a lot of cases, it is best for a woman to run when she has the chance. I just never back down or run away from anything. Maybe it's because idgaf if I die, and if someone kills me, it saves me the trouble of doing it myself. But I so wish you could have fish hooked that mf's mouth and made him look like the joker :)
I fucking hate men who abuse women. They are usually cowards and would run to the cops if confronted by someone who is their physical equal.
And you're right. In a lot of cases, it is best for a woman to run when she has the chance. I just never back down or run away from anything. Maybe it's because idgaf if I die, and if someone kills me, it saves me the trouble of doing it myself. But I so wish you could have fish hooked that mf's mouth and made him look like the joker :)
Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
I had a male friend who's gf would just empty the entire contents of the kitchen on him. she even chucked a fridge at him.
it happens but often men are ashamed to say anything
it happens but often men are ashamed to say anything
LADY007
Specialist
- Feb 25, 2020
- 372
I had one.. 12 yrs old with gf.. 9pm..burger joint.. Older guy, literally, in a trench coat. Made a lewd gesture at us so we left to walk home. He followed us in his white car. We ran to a girl friend's front door and pounded on it. He had gotten out of the car with something shiny in his hand and the friend's mother opened the door just in time. He actually had a face like Freddy Kruger without scares. I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet and waited for my knees to stop shaking up and down. I carry a S&W. 38 revolver now and pepper spray gel.
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
I've had someone send me a whole bunch of hand-written letters full of spooky innuendo, unsigned and with no return adress. Nothing happened besides those letters and after a while they stopped. I never bothered investigating who it was but I suspect it was an opponent, since I just finished a case evicting a mentally unstable guy after he sabotaged the elevator and then assaulted and injured the technician who came to fix it.
Surprised it only happened once so far since I've had showdowns with plenty of actual psychos, including convicted rapists and murderers, but they somehow never ended up having any personal sentiment against me.
Surprised it only happened once so far since I've had showdowns with plenty of actual psychos, including convicted rapists and murderers, but they somehow never ended up having any personal sentiment against me.
Red
Warlock
- Apr 10, 2019
- 744
I had a kind of stalker guy, he was a bloke I knew who called himself my "friend" (although I never really felt any reciprocal feeling) and was constantly around despite my obvious discomfort around him. He was super weird - I first met him because was friends with a dude I was seeing for a little while and he actively pursued me even while I was already in a relationship with his friend. Early in our relationship we were out camping in a large group and as soon as my fella went to bed and the rest of us were sitting round the campfire, creepy guy tried to put his head in my lap and touch me n stuff, he was so shamelessly persistent!
He once presented me with a box of things he'd kept from our interactions; flowers from a field we'd been in, bottle caps from beers I'd drank around him, splinters of wood I'd thrown at him when he was being creepy. He'd turn up at my house with my long term bf and refuse to leave until forcibly evicted, often "accidentally" missing the last bus home in order to stay over. I could never properly sleep while he was in the house for fear that he would come in during the night or do something weird in the house while he was unsupervised…
He wasn't the crazy, stranger type dude who watches you from the street or tails you in secret; he just tried to insert himself into my life at the most inappropriate and unwanted moments and despite me giving him "the talk" many times ("I'm just not romantically interested in you and never will be, you're creeping me out, it's wildly inappropriate etc etc), he still persisted and was constantly making moves, desperate to jump in when I was even slightly inebriated or in a low mood or at any disadvantage in any way. He'd sit me down on a regular basis or write me notes confessing his love, I don't know why he wouldn't take my rejection on board, he was just so focussed on the thought of us being together that he wouldn't let it go! I once even woke up in a shared house I lived with to find him over me just STARING… It was so goddamn weird!
My friend group at the time (not a very nice bunch of people at all) constantly took the piss out of him and abused him for it, telling him outright how pathetic he was and constantly humiliating him. Still he persisted. I think they both encouraged him (how else would he have been there watching me that time when I was asleep if someone didn't let him in and allow him near my sleeping body??) and ripped him to shreds for it for their own sick amusement, it was such a horrible time and my mental health suffered greatly.
Eventually I got pregnant and when my baby was born he showed up at the hospital. I'd managed to shrug him off somewhat during the pregnancy as it was a difficult one full of morning-noon-and-night sickness and I was often unable to socialise, but he showed up the day after I'd had my baby just as many of my "friends" had to see how we were doing. I guess he felt entitled being as I had so many other visitors, I don't know. There were other people there in this instance, ones I trusted, and so I felt safe going to the loo, giving them strict instructions not to let him anywhere near her. To my horror, when I came back he was holding her and smelling her head, seemingly turned on by the thing that had just come out of a very intimate part of my body… I flipped out, snatched her back and told him that he wasn't welcome in my life anymore, that he was too creepy and didn't listen to or respect my boundaries and I wasn't prepared to have him anywhere near me or my precious child any longer. I told him never to come to our house again, that if he showed up he would be turned away with extreme prejudice…
To my surprise, the momma bear thing actually worked - it must have been my both fear and anger that came together in that moment to hammer it home at last, for I was so vehement in my attack there was no chance of him being able to shrug it off this time. I was furious at those who were supposed to be protecting my child in those couple of minutes and now they're out of my life too - bunch of pricks. I suppose they thought it was funny or something but that was the last straw for me; because I had something so precious and defenceless to protect, I had no problem in cutting that creep right out and banishing him from ever being near me again!
Not the same situation I know but I guess both a warning to others how insidious these people can be and how taking control of the situation can do wonders if you just have the power to stand up for yourself in the strongest way possible!
In a situation where it's a case of being followed by a near stranger, or someone you know who just stays on the fringes to freak you out, the one saving grace is that he's outside doing his shit instead of finding a place inside your life to wreak havoc and make you uncomfortable at every turn. I'd keep a diary of every interaction, look up the laws on how you're allowed to protect yourself and honestly, whether it's legal or not, have something like mace or pepper spray or some other alternative on hand to be able to fend him off should he try anything to invade your personal space. LOG EVERYTHING, so then you can take it to the police and build a case for harassment. Step up home security, get cameras, film him with your phone - the more evidence you have the easier it will be to show that he is a nuisance and needs to be kept away from her.
Make a physical file if he sends letters/items and/or an electronic file of emails, texts, videos etc. Record any phone calls, make it very clear in any interaction that is presence is fully unwelcome. Many of these people take silence as the go ahead to carry on so just be clear in no uncertain terms that what he is doing is wrong and that it makes you angry, not afraid. SHOW NO FEAR! They feed on that shit.
I like the idea previously mentioned of striding up to him and calling him out but it kind of also seems a bit dangerous to me - it fully depends on the type of person you're dealing with. It would work with that cowardly, insidious type but may spur a more volatile type into aggressive action, so be careful! Maybe make friends with some BIG people and ask them to go have words and set out some very clear boundaries that are not to be broached for fear of serious repercussions.
Nobody should have to live in fear of anyone like this - if he's not being overtly aggressive or abusive then he's likely to be a coward and he'll easily be dissuaded if you show that you have the strength to stand up to him and refuse to live in fear of such a pathetic excuse for a human being!
Good luck and much love
He once presented me with a box of things he'd kept from our interactions; flowers from a field we'd been in, bottle caps from beers I'd drank around him, splinters of wood I'd thrown at him when he was being creepy. He'd turn up at my house with my long term bf and refuse to leave until forcibly evicted, often "accidentally" missing the last bus home in order to stay over. I could never properly sleep while he was in the house for fear that he would come in during the night or do something weird in the house while he was unsupervised…
He wasn't the crazy, stranger type dude who watches you from the street or tails you in secret; he just tried to insert himself into my life at the most inappropriate and unwanted moments and despite me giving him "the talk" many times ("I'm just not romantically interested in you and never will be, you're creeping me out, it's wildly inappropriate etc etc), he still persisted and was constantly making moves, desperate to jump in when I was even slightly inebriated or in a low mood or at any disadvantage in any way. He'd sit me down on a regular basis or write me notes confessing his love, I don't know why he wouldn't take my rejection on board, he was just so focussed on the thought of us being together that he wouldn't let it go! I once even woke up in a shared house I lived with to find him over me just STARING… It was so goddamn weird!
My friend group at the time (not a very nice bunch of people at all) constantly took the piss out of him and abused him for it, telling him outright how pathetic he was and constantly humiliating him. Still he persisted. I think they both encouraged him (how else would he have been there watching me that time when I was asleep if someone didn't let him in and allow him near my sleeping body??) and ripped him to shreds for it for their own sick amusement, it was such a horrible time and my mental health suffered greatly.
Eventually I got pregnant and when my baby was born he showed up at the hospital. I'd managed to shrug him off somewhat during the pregnancy as it was a difficult one full of morning-noon-and-night sickness and I was often unable to socialise, but he showed up the day after I'd had my baby just as many of my "friends" had to see how we were doing. I guess he felt entitled being as I had so many other visitors, I don't know. There were other people there in this instance, ones I trusted, and so I felt safe going to the loo, giving them strict instructions not to let him anywhere near her. To my horror, when I came back he was holding her and smelling her head, seemingly turned on by the thing that had just come out of a very intimate part of my body… I flipped out, snatched her back and told him that he wasn't welcome in my life anymore, that he was too creepy and didn't listen to or respect my boundaries and I wasn't prepared to have him anywhere near me or my precious child any longer. I told him never to come to our house again, that if he showed up he would be turned away with extreme prejudice…
To my surprise, the momma bear thing actually worked - it must have been my both fear and anger that came together in that moment to hammer it home at last, for I was so vehement in my attack there was no chance of him being able to shrug it off this time. I was furious at those who were supposed to be protecting my child in those couple of minutes and now they're out of my life too - bunch of pricks. I suppose they thought it was funny or something but that was the last straw for me; because I had something so precious and defenceless to protect, I had no problem in cutting that creep right out and banishing him from ever being near me again!
Not the same situation I know but I guess both a warning to others how insidious these people can be and how taking control of the situation can do wonders if you just have the power to stand up for yourself in the strongest way possible!
In a situation where it's a case of being followed by a near stranger, or someone you know who just stays on the fringes to freak you out, the one saving grace is that he's outside doing his shit instead of finding a place inside your life to wreak havoc and make you uncomfortable at every turn. I'd keep a diary of every interaction, look up the laws on how you're allowed to protect yourself and honestly, whether it's legal or not, have something like mace or pepper spray or some other alternative on hand to be able to fend him off should he try anything to invade your personal space. LOG EVERYTHING, so then you can take it to the police and build a case for harassment. Step up home security, get cameras, film him with your phone - the more evidence you have the easier it will be to show that he is a nuisance and needs to be kept away from her.
Make a physical file if he sends letters/items and/or an electronic file of emails, texts, videos etc. Record any phone calls, make it very clear in any interaction that is presence is fully unwelcome. Many of these people take silence as the go ahead to carry on so just be clear in no uncertain terms that what he is doing is wrong and that it makes you angry, not afraid. SHOW NO FEAR! They feed on that shit.
I like the idea previously mentioned of striding up to him and calling him out but it kind of also seems a bit dangerous to me - it fully depends on the type of person you're dealing with. It would work with that cowardly, insidious type but may spur a more volatile type into aggressive action, so be careful! Maybe make friends with some BIG people and ask them to go have words and set out some very clear boundaries that are not to be broached for fear of serious repercussions.
Nobody should have to live in fear of anyone like this - if he's not being overtly aggressive or abusive then he's likely to be a coward and he'll easily be dissuaded if you show that you have the strength to stand up to him and refuse to live in fear of such a pathetic excuse for a human being!
Good luck and much love
tiredplant777
Student
- Jul 23, 2021
- 196
Yes, my abuser stalked me among other things. Honestly the best advice Would give to someone in that situation is first listen to yourself over everyone else. People are going to want to downplay things to feel comfortable, but if you feel it's unsafe listen and act accordingly. Don't worry about overreacting, it's better to overreact and take safety precautions then under react when you need to be safe. For me the best thing I could do was get physically as far away as possible so I traveled to super remote locations in the world, and I eventually moved across the country and rebuilt my life. If your sister can leave she needs to leave to a safe place. I am so sorry she is going through this.
IsThisTheEnd?
Mange
- Aug 6, 2020
- 575
Interesting statement I seem to attract stalkers and other similar freaks.
I agree with that, alot of people will downplay it simply because they have never experienced but if you suspect something is wrong it probably is.
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Kattt
Ancient of Mu-Mu
- May 18, 2021
- 800
Most people don't wan to get involved because they are rarely thaned for it.
All too often the victim is mentally ensnared so despite the danger, inevitably toleraes the behaviour and an attempt to help may be be met with aggression from both parties.
Only one person can stop it and that's the victim. They have to be ready and have experienced some clarity that convinces them to make the break
All too often the victim is mentally ensnared so despite the danger, inevitably toleraes the behaviour and an attempt to help may be be met with aggression from both parties.
Only one person can stop it and that's the victim. They have to be ready and have experienced some clarity that convinces them to make the break
stellabelle
ethereal
- Dec 14, 2018
- 3,919
Pretty unfortunate isn't it?
it's even worse when you demonstrate to someone how terrifying it is because you experienced it. They don't get it. They have no idea until you reenact it. They ignore you, go against your will and wishes, fuck with your shit, follow the idiots who dabble with your shit instead of what you're saying. They don't stop when you scream stop, they look at you like you're crazy when you're still dizzy, and you're reexposed to trauma. you need minor help and can communicate that but they treat you like fucking garbage. Yeah. All of that. They say they can just keep getting away with it no matter what. It's fucking sick.
Family members, people of the opposite sex, people who taunt you for fun, all of that.
Ash
What dreams may come?
- Oct 4, 2021
- 1,758
Yeah, a couple. One eventually took the hint. The other was just online and once I disappeared online, moved on to someone else. He's currently in prison for threatening to blow up a mosque. I don't know what the answer is to help people stay safe from stalkers but someone, somewhere needs to come up with something.
