Has anyone else had to move a lot as a kid?

[Zoltiel]

Has anyone else been affected by moving?
When I was young I moved a lot, and not like within a city, but between nations. I've categorized my childhood into 4 parts.

1. I started school in my home country in Europe. Everything was great, I was a good student and played all the sports my school had. I can't recall 1 bad experience I had there, I was chill with everyone and people liked me. The future was bright.

2. My family decided to move to the other side of the world. My entire extended family, that I loved, was lost, all my grandparents and aunt left behind. I was still in elementary school, and all of a sudden I had to learn a new language and a new culture. Then, a few months after starting school, my parents decided to move to another city in the same country. So I had to do it all again. I managed to learn the language and had no trouble making friends. Even though it was hard at first, I eventually managed to adapt.

3. Right before middle school, my parents decided to move again, about 2000 miles away to a new country (same language). They decided to move right into the bad part of town. I was immediately the target of bullying, and life was pretty miserable, I missed where we lived before. Eventually, I was able to make some friends, and at the beginning of high school we had a pretty good group and we were finally starting to do cool shit like partying and then

4. In the middle of my junior year of high school my parents decided to move again, 1000 miles south. I was devastated. I was not liked at my new school at all and had no real friends. I spent the last 1.5 years of high school in severe depression and loneliness, and watched all my friends from my old school having the time of their lives their senior year on facebook.

I was now entering adulthood with severe depression and existential crises. I haven't been allowed to develop socially and learn how to manage long term relationships. Ever since then I have always had trouble forming friendships and relationships, and it hasn't improved no matter what I do. I feel like people notice something about me they don't like, or make some sort of conclusion about me right away, and this lowers my value in their minds. I wish I was just left alone and allowed to develop normally, I feel like I have been robbed of all of my childhood experiences, by the very people that are supposed to care and support you.

I went to a college in my state, and after 2 years I was very depressed because I was still dealing with social and existential problems. I decided to withdraw from school. My dad started yelling at me over the phone when I told him, and when I saw him next he told me I was a burden on society. Then they decided to move yet again, 3000 miles away this time, to the opposite side of the country. They said I was going to come with them. I was finally old enough to get off this ride, so I said no. They left and took my little brother with them.

I eventually went back to school and finished and got a computer job like everyone else. Now my parents are happy and they try to pretend like everything is ok and nothing ever happened between us. They try to rationalize to me that moving a lot is normal, and abandoning family is normal, but I will never believe it. Most people I meet have a place that they can call home, have friends that they grew up with, have some sort of identity, I have NONE of this. I am tormented by it every day. The feeling of loneliness never goes away, even when I had some friends in college, even when I had a girlfriend. Something just DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE HERE.

I FEEL LIKE MY PARENTS CHOSE A LIFE THAT WOULD GIVE ME THE MAXIMUM LEVEL OF SUFFERING, AND WOULD ENSURE MY FAILURE IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE. THEY NOW LIVE IN A GIANT MANSION WITH LOTS OF MONEY, AND ARE WONDERING WHY I HAVEN'T PRODUCED THEM ANY GRANDKIDS YET. THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO ME, AND NEVER WILL UNTIL I FINALLY CTB.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Hi

You've been through a lot of changes during your formative years with all the moving, especially between countries and cultures.

My parents did the same thing, and yes, it impacted me. Social anxiety for one thing.

You said: "They try to rationalize to me that moving a lot is normal, and abandoning family is normal, but I will never believe it. Most people I meet have a place that they can call home, have friends that they grew up with, have some sort of identity, I have NONE of this."
That is so true, and so haunting.

I don't know if this is similar, but my parents were clueless about the impact that it had, and just thought the whole thing was one big adventure.

My heart goes out to you as you face loneliness and depression because of these early things beyond your control.

I hope that you feel slightly less alone knowing that you aren't the only former "1 checked bag and 1 Carry on" child on here.

Sending peace and kind thoughts.

 

[helIboy]

I had to move around a lot when I was younger and I couldn't relate anymore to both of your posts. hated leaving everything and everyone behind just when I was getting comfortable

 

[Merith]

In my 13 years of grade school, I've been to eight different schools. hell, I had three different teachers for just first grade.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I've moved a lot between the US and South Korea. Even within South Korea I moved around a lot.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Hi, yes I did and I know how traumatic each move is. I lived in the foster care system lived in 25 institutions. I should have been gone way before now. So sorry to hear you had your roots torn out before they had time to settle in.

 

[TheEndof]

I can 100% relate. I lived in at least 6 different countries over 3 continents — only two of which had the same first language (English). In high school, I moved 4 different times. This also impacted me tremendously. When I was 13, my parents decided we should move to a country where I had 1. Never visited and 2. Did not speak the language and was not familiar with the customs and culture. I had always been depressed, but that's when things really started going downhill for me. Just when I started to make friends, we moved again. This happened again... and again. I think the only thing that kept me going was the internet. I met and made some connections online, but that was NOT a good replacement for real, live connections that are long lasting.

Needless to say, I have extreme abandonment issues. I have trouble forming any long lasting bonds with people. I have no real roots. When people ask me where I'm from, I have no real answer. I don't have a childhood home or childhood friends, let alone high school friends. My parents damaged a lot of my social skills completely. The worst part is they didn't have to move at all but chose to out of their own selfishness without much thought as to how it would impact me.

 

[Zoltiel]

Hi

You've been through a lot of changes during your formative years with all the moving, especially between countries and cultures.

My parents did the same thing, and yes, it impacted me. Social anxiety for one thing.

You said: "They try to rationalize to me that moving a lot is normal, and abandoning family is normal, but I will never believe it. Most people I meet have a place that they can call home, have friends that they grew up with, have some sort of identity, I have NONE of this."
That is so true, and so haunting.

I don't know if this is similar, but my parents were clueless about the impact that it had, and just thought the whole thing was one big adventure.

My heart goes out to you as you face loneliness and depression because of these early things beyond your control.

I hope that you feel slightly less alone knowing that you aren't the only former "1 checked bag and 1 Carry on" child on here.

Sending peace and kind thoughts.

Thank you so much :) This post means a lot to me. I think my parents are clueless too. I truly believe we are living in the last stage of the mouse utopia experiments, when the mice lose their parental instincts, and are no longer able to raise healthy offspring, and the population collapses.

I had to move around a lot when I was younger and I couldn't relate anymore to both of your posts. hated leaving everything and everyone behind just when I was getting comfortable

Yes, I understand that feeling all too well..

In my 13 years of grade school, I've been to eight different schools. hell, I had three different teachers for just first grade.

I'm sorry.. I wish you and I and everyone here could have had a stable upbringing. Maybe then we wouldn't end up on this forum

I've moved a lot between the US and South Korea. Even within South Korea I moved around a lot.

I'm sorry..

Hi, yes I did and I know how traumatic each move is. I lived in the foster care system lived in 25 institutions. I should have been gone way before now. So sorry to hear you had your roots torn out before they had time to settle in.

25 institutions?! Jesus, all within the same city? Yes, looking back on everything now, also surprised to still be here..

I can 100% relate. I lived in at least 6 different countries over 3 continents — only two of which had the same first language (English). In high school, I moved 4 different times. This also impacted me tremendously. When I was 13, my parents decided we should move to a country where I had 1. Never visited and 2. Did not speak the language and was not familiar with the customs and culture. I had always been depressed, but that's when things really started going downhill for me. Just when I started to make friends, we moved again. This happened again... and again. I think the only thing that kept me going was the internet. I met and made some connections online, but that was NOT a good replacement for real, live connections that are long lasting.

Needless to say, I have extreme abandonment issues. I have trouble forming any long lasting bonds with people. I have no real roots. When people ask me where I'm from, I have no real answer. I don't have a childhood home or childhood friends, let alone high school friends. My parents damaged a lot of my social skills completely. The worst part is they didn't have to move at all but chose to out of their own selfishness without much thought as to how it would impact me.

Oh my god, 6 countries? How are you still alive? Why did they make you move 4 times in high school? That is absolute insanity. The worst part is, cases like ours are going to become more common, as family values keep eroding. Everyone is buying the false lie about how extravagant travelling is. People get bored of living in the same place, but living in the same place is of absolute importance to a child. An experience like I or you had, only cements the idea that they are a social outcast in their minds, forever. I would never wish this on anyone.

 

[foreveryoung]

Every 3 years since I was born my family would move to a new country. My father, mother, my siblings are all born in a different country than I was. It was due to my father not being able get along with his coworkers, he'd ask for a transfer to another country whenever he felt dissatisfied and hope for a better life in another country and the entire family had to tag along with him. I had to make friends then abandon them, make new friends at the new place and learn new rules which I never could get the hang of, often i'd get bullied cause i was different, then I'd abandon it all together again and again until I was 18. My accent, and grammar is all messed up due to this constant moving around the world , so i have a hard time communicating with people. My father eventually abandoned us because he wasn't happy with us. Here I am now left behind in a completely alien world. I'm a foreigner or an outcast even in my so called "home country". But i've managed to overcome all that now, because I realize my true home is the after life. Perhaps it was all fate to help me realize this.

 

[Zoltiel]

Every 3 years since I was born my family would move to a new country. My father, mother, my siblings are all born in a different country than I was. It was due to my father not being able get along with his coworkers, he'd ask for a transfer to another country whenever he felt dissatisfied and hope for a better life in another country and the entire family had to tag along with him. I had to make friends then abandon them, make new friends at the new place and learn new rules which I never could get the hang of, often i'd get bullied cause i was different, then I'd abandon it all together again and again until I was 18. My accent, and grammar is all messed up due to this constant moving around the world , so i have a hard time communicating with people. My father eventually abandoned us because he wasn't happy with us. Here I am now left behind in a completely alien world. I'm a foreigner or an outcast even in my so called "home country". But i've managed to overcome all that now, because I realize my true home is the after life. Perhaps it was all fate to help me realize this.

:0 Your post literally made me cry. Maybe because I never met anyone with a similar background as me, and now there are so many people replying to my thread who had similar fates as me. When you said "But i've managed to overcome all that now" I felt kind of bad about myself because I've never been able to overcome this and it's been 10 years, but then you said "because I realize my true home is the after life" and I became happy, because it is the same conclusion I have reached. I really hope simulation theory is real, and that one day we will look back from paradise and go "what a crazy dream"...

 

[foreveryoung]

:0 Your post literally made me cry. Maybe because I never met anyone with a similar background as me, and now there are so many people replying to my thread who had similar fates as me. When you said "But i've managed to overcome all that now" I felt kind of bad about myself because I've never been able to overcome this and it's been 10 years, but then you said "because I realize my true home is the after life" and I became happy, because it is the same conclusion I have reached. I really hope simulation theory is real, and that one day we will look back at all this and go "what a crazy dream".

I honestly think it is a crazy dream, sometimes I think "What are we?" we are weird alien creatures with these arms and legs, needing to eat, sleep, and doing all sorts of weird things to stay sane. but why? Its all ludicrous. Not just my belief, but Ive read other peoples accounts of the after life where the soul is free'd and able to reach its true potential in the after life. I hope its all true, and the current life was just the preliminaries. We're all going to get their eventually so why not sooner? haha

 

[arelia]

My dysfunctional family gifted me 6 school moves (and many more house moves during that time) over 2 countries in the space of 6 years. I went from an A student to barely scraping through by the last one. For a couple of the schools they at least allowed me to stay at the same school until the end of the year after we'd moved from one side of town to the other, which meant I had to spend hours each day going across town to get from home to school. Consequently I've always been an outsider, never settled anywhere and all the other kinds of behaviours you see from people who never really put down roots.

There have been a couple of interesting reports done on the impact of moving schools, it not only drops your educational attainment but in one report it's cited as the cause of psychotic like symptoms.
As an aside, one of the more interesting studies found that for people under 20 who committed suicide in the us between 1979-92, it was found that there was a higher number of people who were the youngest in their class (the summer born babies), so if you were usually the youngest in your year and you moved a lot, you were hit with a double whammy.

 

[Merith]

Can I ask everyone here who has moved many times as a kid a question? Are your memories as a kid vivid at all? Or are they all faded? Not just one memory, but your entire childhood.

 

[56709]

I went to five school districts during my K-9th grade years, then moved again and decided to do online 'homeschool'. This was probably the worst decision I could have made, but I was already determined to CTB at that age and wanted to leave school at any cost.
I can't relate to moving from country to country, let alone between linguistic regions, though. That sounds incredibly alienating.

 

[freaky3600]

When I was a kid, we moved 8 times all in the same town though. I went to 6 of the 8 public schools in the town. I think I moved about 20 times in my entire life. I moved across country when I was 19 and had nothing. It was always a struggle.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

My mother had a habit of antagonising our neighbours and having to move every couple of years. Made it real fucking hard to maintain or create friendships as I knew I'd just be leaving them, not to mention the constant anxiety from the kids of said neighbours being cunts to us.

I've moved once since leaving home and that was because I was in a tiny place and my partner had moved in with me. Still feel my heartrate spike when I hear a football being bounced, expecting it to come flying at my window.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Can I ask everyone here who has moved many times as a kid a question? Are your memories as a kid vivid at all? Or are they all faded? Not just one memory, but your entire childhood.

My childhood memories are vivid.

 

[thx1138]

I've moved 7 times because of my parents and 4 times since I became 18. I've lived in 5 different countries. It actually doesn't sound like a lot compared to some of you. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you find a home eventually. I've gotten so much into the habit of moving that if I stay somewhere longer than 2-3 years, I start to feel uncomfortable and I want to move again. I never formed any long-lasting relationships, and I don't want to. I just want to be invisible. I don't feel like I belong anywhere in the world. I don't think I will ever belong.

 

[Zoltiel]

I honestly think it is a crazy dream, sometimes I think "What are we?" we are weird alien creatures with these arms and legs, needing to eat, sleep, and doing all sorts of weird things to stay sane. but why? Its all ludicrous. Not just my belief, but Ive read other peoples accounts of the after life where the soul is free'd and able to reach its true potential in the after life. I hope its all true, and the current life was just the preliminaries. We're all going to get their eventually so why not sooner? haha

Yes, and on top of it, no one is really able to tell us why we are born here to suffer.

There have been a couple of interesting reports done on the impact of moving schools, it not only drops your educational attainment but in one report it's cited as the cause of psychotic like symptoms.
As an aside, one of the more interesting studies found that for people under 20 who committed suicide in the us between 1979-92, it was found that there was a higher number of people who were the youngest in their class (the summer born babies), so if you were usually the youngest in your year and you moved a lot, you were hit with a double whammy.

That's funny, I was always the youngest in my class, because my parents had this delusion that I was some kind of gifted kid that needed to skip a grade. Looking at the statistics is kind of funny, in one study they found that even with just 1 move, everything increases almost 2x; suicide, psychiatric disorders, substance abuse, etc. And it was just moving within the same country. I would like to see some statistics of people who had to move 4+ times as a child, to different countries.

 

[squirtsoda]

Born in NZ and moved back and forth between the US and NZ, several US states, plenty of bullying in both countries. Lived in both poverty and wealth, parents abusing each other, then single, then remarrying. Mind games. Pretty common story if you think about it.