Hard to get better without having your special person by your siide….

[Cute_&_Loving]

When you don't have your special person in your life who would hug you and tell you that things would get belter, it feels like you're on your own and things will never get better…. Makes you don't want to recover…..

 

[kinderbueno]

I know exactly how you feel. The only time I wanted to get better was when I was in a relationship but even he turned against me and broke up with me

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

I know exactly how you feel. The only time I wanted to get better was when I was in a relationship but even he turned against me and broke up with me

I'm really sorry…..

 

[Arahant]

I feel that. And I see this sentiment a lot in various posts in here.
Love Conquers All, and conversely not having it feels like bottomless defeat.

Well to be fair, it can feel that way.

Might I wax lyrical and ramble about loving and healing a bit?

I had zero ability to feel love growing up. None. Didn't dawn on me it was an actual feeling until I tried MDMA and realized how numb and dissociated I had been.

Now on the other side of hundreds of hours of trauma therapy to grow out of complex trauma, I can tell you that intimacy and love is truly phenomenal.
You know how being threatened can trigger people into a fight/flight stress response?
And how there is a freeze response to immobilize if those are impossible?
Well there is also a social, connecting, buoyant, lovely, marvelous, life affirming, soul nourishing type of response called flock/flow/fun in response to feeling deeply safe. (the various states are borrowed from PolyVagal Theory of trauma and health)
And I'm telling you fam, it is GLORIOUS.
It is well worth recovering while single, and while in relationship.
I would rather have one day in the flock/flow/fun than a whole century in fight/flight or freeze.
I'm not exaggerating when I say one minute of light casual flirting in the flock/fun state felt more fulfilling than a whole sexual encounter in the freeze state.

You can do this, you can heal and you are worth the effort!

 

[RoadToGehenna]

Hey, loneliness kills. You literally die faster (not counting if you do actually ctb). And you might have some friends that you seem now and then but, even more true when you grow up, having a SO that you can rely on is really important for mental health because we are wired that way. If it helps you, it's not only us, long-lasting relationships in the west are rarer and rarer... Lots of ppl feel like you even if they don't want to admit it.

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

I feel that. And I see this sentiment a lot in various posts in here.
Love Conquers All, and conversely not having it feels like bottomless defeat.

Well to be fair, it can feel that way.

Might I wax lyrical and ramble about loving and healing a bit?

I had zero ability to feel love growing up. None. Didn't dawn on me it was an actual feeling until I tried MDMA and realized how numb and dissociated I had been.

Now on the other side of hundreds of hours of trauma therapy to grow out of complex trauma, I can tell you that intimacy and love is truly phenomenal.
You know how being threatened can trigger people into a fight/flight stress response?
And how there is a freeze response to immobilize if those are impossible?
Well there is also a social, connecting, buoyant, lovely, marvelous, life affirming, soul nourishing type of response called flock/flow/fun in response to feeling deeply safe. (the various states are borrowed from PolyVagal Theory of trauma and health)
And I'm telling you fam, it is GLORIOUS.
It is well worth recovering while single, and while in relationship.
I would rather have one day in the flock/flow/fun than a whole century in fight/flight or freeze.
I'm not exaggerating when I say one minute of light casual flirting in the flock/fun state felt more fulfilling than a whole sexual encounter in the freeze state.

You can do this, you can heal and you are worth the effort!

Not sure I got what you've been trying so say but thank you)))

Hey, loneliness kills. You literally die faster (not counting if you do actually ctb). And you might have some friends that you seem now and then but, even more true when you grow up, having a SO that you can rely on is really important for mental health because we are wired that way. If it helps you, it's not only us, long-lasting relationships in the west are rarer and rarer... Lots of ppl feel like you even if they don't want to admit it.

Yeah….. sucks knowing you're so unworthy that out of billions of people out there no one wants you. And I agree. It's rarer and rarer….. hugs and love to you all the way from Russia))

 

[RoadToGehenna]

Not sure I got what you've been trying so say but thank you)))

Yeah….. sucks knowing you're so unworthy that out of billions of people out there no one wants you. And I agree. It's rarer and rarer….. hugs and love to you all the way from Russia))

Don't say that because it's not true. The reality is that we've made it harder for ourselves (speaking about the society we've created) and I'm sure there must be someone out there that would gladly be that person for you. There are a lot of reasons but, in the modern world, we tend to isolate ourselves and there's a lack of strong communities where we can really personally connect with other people. Shallow people seems to do better in this environment, sadly.

I, myself, went from being a fully idealistic person going into college, to becoming more materialistic seeing how fcked up everything is, to finally returning to my old self. Because no money or power compares to having a purpose, caring and sharing your life with people that really understands you. I wish that we get a chance to get better stranger, cause not saying that I have these things...

Anyways, don't feel alone in this because I'm also sending you a strong hug but from the other end of the continent (Spain)
And I've always found it funny, both countries have had little contact due to geography but their histories are really similar!

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

Not gonna argue cuz I'm not that person anymore))) we'll just have to agree to disagree))) and thank you so much for hugs all the way from beautiful Spain!!!

 

[Alatus_Nemeseos]

I constantly find myself in heart ache that I have to self sooth by rubbing my hand over my chest. It barely helps but it's better than nothing. I long for the days to be held/hold someone and I'm doubtful if that'll happen again. I just try and distract myself to the point of exhaustion but when I get home and alone I do find myself struggling to cope

Sending hugs from the UK. Sometimes even though i am alone and feel cripplingly alone, knowing there are others who are feeling something similar does provide me a semblance of comfort. Wishing you the best <3

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

I constantly find myself in heart ache that I have to self sooth by rubbing my hand over my chest. It barely helps but it's better than nothing. I long for the days to be held/hold someone and I'm doubtful if that'll happen again. I just try and distract myself to the point of exhaustion but when I get home and alone I do find myself struggling to cope

Sending hugs from the UK. Sometimes even though i am alone and feel cripplingly alone, knowing there are others who are feeling something similar does provide me a semblance of comfort. Wishing you the best <3

I'm really sorry to hear that….
Sometimes I'm wondering what's worse: to have it and lose it or never have it like me…..
I really hope you'll find someone someday!! Please don't wish the same for me))
Thank you!! Sending you love from Russia!!
Wishing you all the happiness!!

 

[Melancholic_Misfit]

When you don't have your special person in your life who would hug you and tell you that things would get belter, it feels like you're on your own and things will never get better…. Makes you don't want to recover…..

yeah, i can relate to this

hell, my former partner suggested to take ashvagandha because it helped her
i followed her advice, bought a bottle full of ashvagandha pills and took them every day
well, a week later we ended up having a falling out, and i haven't taken any pills ever since
especially because i was taking them based on *her* suggestion, and not from an ayurvedic doctor's suggestion

makes me wonder if i should like empty it anyways
because holy shit i never felt this dehabilitated before
even the simplest things takes a million years for me to get done

and i don't really have anyone supporting me or rally behind me, so i'm like always alone and isolated lol
which really doesn't help things

at least while under ashvagandha back then i was feeling SLIGHTLY better
i doubt i would need to force myself to get anything done if i wasn't feeling so unbelievably negative and hopeless all the time

 

[jackndutch]

When you don't have your special person in your life who would hug you and tell you that things would get belter, it feels like you're on your own and things will never get better…. Makes you don't want to recover…..

I know the feeling, I thought my girlfriend would be a support in my time of need. Instead, she left me even after explaining why I was feeling this way. Having someone special in this cruel society is priceless.

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

I know the feeling, I thought my girlfriend would be a support in my time of need. Instead, she left me even after explaining why I was feeling this way. Having someone special in this cruel society is priceless.

It is. And it pains me to know that some people (like me) can go through their whole life having never experienced love/being in relationships……
I'm really sorry…… I feel like it's true that movies and books and songs romanticise love too much….. no one is gonna accept you for who you are, with all your struggles and flaws, just because it's you……

 

[jackndutch]

It is. And it pains me to know that some people (like me) can go through their whole life having never experienced love/being in relationships……
I'm really sorry…… I feel like it's true that movies and books and songs romanticise love too much….. no one is gonna accept you for who you are, with all your struggles and flaws, just because it's you……

I hope we both find someone that'll love unconditionally and be accepting. I was once told a successful relationship occurs when both partners are selfless. I just wanna feel that love.

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

I hope we both find someone that'll love unconditionally and be accepting. I was once told a successful relationship occurs when both partners are selfless. I just wanna feel that love.

I'm good but thank you
I wish the best for you and try to never lose that hope!!