collidedsigns
Scholar of despair and anguish
- Nov 22, 2025
- 39
Hello everyone,
I haven't been on here in a while. Mainly due to my VPN being blocked by the wifi here but also because I've just been in a really bad headspace.
Monday night I broke down, crying uncontrollably and snacking my head against a wall. I spent New Year's Eve in my bedroom with people checking on me every hour. I'm currently doing my nails sat with the activity coordinator trying to get through another day. I keep telling staff I don't understand why it's so wrong for me to want to pass away. They tell me I have one life, I'm important. I find it hilarious because these are people that try invalidate my struggles because "everyone has issues". I honestly hate the fact I was forced to see the beginning of 2026. I didn't plan to be here. I didn't want to be here. I'm fucking hate that people force me to keep living when I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I hate that my free will has been taken away from me. All I can do is keep sh'ing but the more I do that the longer I'm here. It's awful. I feel so trapped and isolated. I'm so done with everything. I'm thinking of attempting here. I am only checked every hour which is plenty of time to pass out and go brain dead. I've been trying to order SN on DH but I can't do everything I need to only on my phone. It sucks. I've tried ligature strangulation however i keep gagging and not passing out. Any advice? I have stuff like scarfs and other long fabrics. Anyway I'm just ranting now. Hope you all had a safe holiday season and are keeping well!
I haven't been on here in a while. Mainly due to my VPN being blocked by the wifi here but also because I've just been in a really bad headspace.
Monday night I broke down, crying uncontrollably and snacking my head against a wall. I spent New Year's Eve in my bedroom with people checking on me every hour. I'm currently doing my nails sat with the activity coordinator trying to get through another day. I keep telling staff I don't understand why it's so wrong for me to want to pass away. They tell me I have one life, I'm important. I find it hilarious because these are people that try invalidate my struggles because "everyone has issues". I honestly hate the fact I was forced to see the beginning of 2026. I didn't plan to be here. I didn't want to be here. I'm fucking hate that people force me to keep living when I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I hate that my free will has been taken away from me. All I can do is keep sh'ing but the more I do that the longer I'm here. It's awful. I feel so trapped and isolated. I'm so done with everything. I'm thinking of attempting here. I am only checked every hour which is plenty of time to pass out and go brain dead. I've been trying to order SN on DH but I can't do everything I need to only on my phone. It sucks. I've tried ligature strangulation however i keep gagging and not passing out. Any advice? I have stuff like scarfs and other long fabrics. Anyway I'm just ranting now. Hope you all had a safe holiday season and are keeping well!
People who work in psych wards cannot understand our pain. I hope you'll come back to your home soon.
