Happiness though death

[Ashe]

I really wish I didn't hold this pain in my heart
Why did life have to be this hard
My scars tell me that I've been through hell
Endless cycles of despair consume me
I just want to find my happiness
I don't want to feel the pain anymore
Repeatedly told I would never be enough
Repeatedly ignore by everyone
Told by everyone that everything that I do sucks
When all I wanted was their compassion
All I got in return was their disdain
I really wish I didn't hold this pain in my heart
I really just want to be enough
But now crave the familiarity of harming myself
It is my addiction
Chasing that drug that never hits the same
My highs are bleaker than expected
I thought I would be dead by now
So why is it that I continue to exist?
Just to suffer for everyone else?
This anxiety crushes my lungs
Will this be it?
If it's not
I'll continue to abuse myself to my breaking point
You can see the scars I bare
Visible and vulnerable
Please don't tell me that I'm just being selfish
I've just been through hell and back
All I want is my own death
With my own death I can finally bloom
A beautiful passion not even I get to witness
I really wish life didn't have to be this hard
I really wish I didn't hold this pain in my heart
I just wanted to be helped but got kicked while I was down
Through death I can truly be happy