Happiness making me more suicidal

[IHurtTheOneILove]

In a weird backwards way being happy is making me want to CTB sooner. Ending things on a good note and all that.

Currently on call with my best friend watching a movie and finally feeling a little comfortable in my skin.

I NEED to cease conciousness while I'm riding this high so I go out happy, I wish I had my gun already :/

 

[Vesiira]

I relate. It's like you're scared of being happy
because you feel it will all get bad again. It hurts too much going through it every time. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's a very conflicting feeling. Sending love. <3

 

[dinosavr]

I can relate too. Sadness is somehow way more comfortable.

 

[iloverachel]

What does happiness even feel like?
I don't think I have ever felt happy my entire life.

 

[The Burning Fool]

I relate. It's like you're scared of being happy
because you feel it will all get bad again. It hurts too much going through it every time. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's a very conflicting feeling. Sending love. <3

Or because there's underlying hatred for the world and myself and I believe I don't deserve being happy while I'm a piece of shit and while so many others are suffering.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Respectfully idk if you guys understand what I'm saying

I'm saying I want to leave while I'm still happy