Venting Hairloss might push me towards the edge

[Eeyore]

It might be a good thing in the end. I don't really want to die to be honest, but I do not want to live looking like this or being bald in a year or two. I already look sick because of bad genetics and looking like an alien won't help. It started when I was 19 I believe but I didn't think it was that. I remember when it finally hit me how hard I cried. I can't even describe how I felt so bad and phisically ill because I was so helpless. I could not believe that this could ever happen to me at this young age.. There are a lot of people who hear this and laugh and say "so what? there is a lot of people who don't have hair and look jason statham is still good looking!" The thing is I don't want to be that person, I don't want to be Statham and I don't want to compensate for my genetic flaw and I am not a good looking person. I want to look the way I want to and I can't. Some people around me were encouraging me to talk to them because I was not doing good and they still do but every time I try to talk with someone its always the same old bullshit that doesn't help me at all and I just don't want to talk. I used to be depressed but this shit added 100 tons of stress, anxiety and depression on me.
At one point I though about taking drugs for hair but then as I spent some time on subreddit for hairloss I noticed that quite a lot of people get side effects like gynecomastia and loss of erection. Last thing I need is my tits looking like female tits and not being able to get my dick hard. For hair transplant I have no money so there is that. I really get how someone can read this and think that its funny how I worry about something so meaningless and I can really understand that. But you have to feel what I am feeling in order to really understand how bad it is. I want to end my life in order to end the anxiety, depression and a ton of stress that I have. That is how bad I feel. I can't go through life living with this every day and pretend that I am ok. I am not ok, and saying that "I will be ok" won't magically fix it. I really hate this reality and I wish I was never born.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Apparently Onion juice is the most successful method for hair regrowth, I'd be inclined to say that the majority of treatments are snake oil.

 

[Grief]

I hear your frustration - sometimes we just want to be heard and not given any advice. Some thoughts as far as looks and hair goes: Most men start losing their hair as they approach 30. A lot of men with sex appeal are also bald. Most women, especially those worth having a relationship with, don't care. Personally, I don't find a man less attractive because he is losing his hair. I notice one nice look for those that are hair challenged, besides shaving your entire head i.e., Statham, is to keep a short haircut and grow a scruffy beard. Most people don't look the way they want to, but that doesn't mean someone else won't find you attractive and there's more than looks that make someone attractive. There are people that prefer less than perfect looks, which can be boring. Think of Al Pacino and his affair with Diane Keaton, who couldn't resist his facial features. She found Al more attractive than her other lover, Warren Beatty, and Al's not exactly the most handsome guy. I know the hair issue is only part of your current state and hope you are able to take some small steps to improve your well-being, especially since you stated that you really don't want to die.

 

[Severen]

I don't really have bad genetics but hair loss decided to visit me anyway. And it fucking sucks. Because not every man can pull off a shaved head. Then sooner or later, you have a bunch of guys who look like walking penises or overgrown babies. And I'd rather not live life like that. I see it as nature's way of telling me I should CTB. Evolution is cold and calculating. And it only wants certain people to stay alive and procreate. And to ensure this, it makes it so after X amount of time, most people start becoming unattractive. It's only recently, humanity has had the technology to extend our lives way beyond what was normal for most of human history. If I was born in a point in time in the past before the 20th century, I would have died 100 times already before the age of 30. And if I somehow managed to make it to 30, I'd be a grandfather and the wise elder of the village.

I hear your frustration - sometimes we just want to be heard and not given any advice. Some thoughts as far as looks and hair goes: Most men start losing their hair as they approach 30. A lot of men with sex appeal are also bald. Most women, especially those worth having a relationship with, don't care. Personally, I don't find a man less attractive because he is losing his hair. I notice one nice look for those that are hair challenged, besides shaving your entire head i.e., Statham, is to keep a short haircut and grow a scruffy beard. Most people don't look the way they want to, but that doesn't mean someone else won't find you attractive and there's more than looks that make someone attractive. There are people that prefer less than perfect looks, which can be boring. Think of Al Pacino and his affair with Diane Keaton, who couldn't resist his facial features. She found Al more attractive than her other lover, Warren Beatty, and Al's not exactly the most handsome guy. I know the hair issue is only part of your current state and hope you are able to take some small steps to improve your well-being, especially since you stated that you really don't want to die.

I think you are confusing a lot of men, with a lot of men who are celebrities.

 

[Grief]

I don't really have bad genetics but hair loss decided to visit me anyway. And it fucking sucks. Because not every man can pull off a shaved head. Then sooner or later, you have a bunch of guys who look like walking penises or overgrown babies. And I'd rather not live life like that. I see it as nature's way of telling me I should CTB. Evolution is cold and calculating. And it only wants certain people to stay alive and procreate. And to ensure this, it makes it so after X amount of time, most people start becoming unattractive. It's only recently, humanity has had the technology to extend our lives way beyond what was normal for most of human history. If I was born in a point in time in the past before the 20th century, I would have died 100 times already before the age of 30. And if I somehow managed to make it to 30, I'd be a grandfather and the wise elder of the village.


I think you are confusing a lot of men, with a lot of men who are celebrities.

No, I am not. I'm just giving an example of recognizable people. You can go anywhere and see couples where the male is bald/balding. This applies to both young and old couples. I know of a couple where the very balding, not conventionally handsome guy married a woman that was gorgeous - they've been together for over 25 years. I have a high school friend that had very obvious hair loss before graduating high school. He dated a girl while in high school and married her when they turned 26. His wife was more intelligent and financially more successful than he was. I worked with a woman who said that she always sees her husband as the most attractive guy when he enters a room full of people - her husband is about 5'5" and only has a fringe of hair surrounding a totally bald crown. The great majority of women don't give a crap about how much hair a guy has on his head when they're deciding whether or not to date him.

 

[Severen]

No, I am not. I'm just giving an example of recognizable people. You can go anywhere and see couples where the male is bald/balding. This applies to both young and old couples. I know of a couple where the very balding, not conventionally handsome guy married a woman that was gorgeous - they've been together for over 25 years. I have a high school friend that had very obvious hair loss before graduating high school. He dated a girl while in high school and married her when they turned 26. His wife was more intelligent and financially more successful than he was. I worked with a woman who said that she always sees her husband as the most attractive guy when he enters a room full of people - her husband is about 5'5" and only has a fringe of hair surrounding a totally bald crown. The great majority of women don't give a crap about how much hair a guy has on his head when they're deciding whether or not to date him.

Maybe it's just me. My beauty standards are from the 80s. And I can't change that.

 

[Grief]

Maybe it's just me. My beauty standards are from the 80s. And I can't change that.

Now, I think you are the one confusing a lot of men with a lot of men who are celebrities.

 

[LastFlowers]

I don't think it is funny at all. I think it is serious and devastating.
My reason for being here and feeling the need to end my life is because of the way I look as well, and having no control over it.

I am not bald but I have plenty of other issues affecting my entire face and some body issues, but honestly it's the stuff above the neck that really destroys me. That's my face, that's linked to my identity.
I am utterly trapped.

And I feel you.
Saying "well look at so and so" is such unhelpful BS. We want to be ourselves, not other people who get by with their flaws.
I've got other problems but this is the one that is life or death for me.

My dad started losing his hair very early, I believe this is around the time his personality started to change for the worst. He probably has other stuff going on, but I know for a fact that losing his hair affected him deeply and probably still does to this day. No matter how he states he's gotten over it.
He is bitter about what other people have around him and what he doesn't have. And how could anyone blame him.

I have major issues with my dad, and his hypocritical apathy toward my own situation, but even after all the horrible things he's said to me and about me, all the threats, all the times he made me cry and even looked pleased with himself about it, etc
I still manage to have sympathy for him on this type of thing. Because I know it and I live it. And it's soul crushing. It takes everything from you, even more than just the physical aspect. It is draining. It can stunt a person's life and future.

If I were you, I would probably do what I could to stop the hairloss. Maybe there is something that doesn't have such negative side effects. I don't know how far along yours is but I had to use this shampoo called Nizoral (ketoconozale) for my eyebrow loss and I remember looking it up once and seeing something about how its use is being implemented in cases where men (and women I assume) want to prevent themselves from balding.
So they start using this shampoo if it runs in the family or if they start seeing early signs.

I'm just putting that out there but as someone who has tried a lot of topicals and prescriptions, pills- for even just ONE of my physical problems and having nothing work or even making things worse..I know how exhausting it can be.
Hell, I'm looking at ridiculously expensive, time consuming, and risky plastic surgery to fix and solve a lot of my issues. But I just don't have the energy for it, I have lost WAY too much time already, and why should I have to fight so hard and lose so much for something other people are given freely and without worry their whole lives.
It is defeating.

I'm not trying to be downer for the people who can live without this affecting them, but for people it does affect..there is nothing wrong or amusing about how you are feeling and what it's doing to you.
You are not over reacting, it is not meaningless, just look at the world we live in.
And beyond society, there's just something priceless about feeling good in your own skin and looking in the mirror and seeing the You that you want to see, the one that fits, not something that you constantly want to separate yourself from in a need to be free.

I also don't want to die, but like you OP, I don't want to live looking like this either. And I won't.

 

[Eeyore]

And I feel you.
Saying "well look at so and so" is such unhelpful BS. We want to be ourselves, not other people who get by with their flaws.
I've got other problems but this is the one that is life or death for me.

Man you've said it perfectly and you wrote such a good comment. I have absolutely nothing to add because you wrote basically what I wanted to say. I feel you 100% and you understand what it is like to just feel helpless. I too also have issues regarding the face and also have eczema so it makes the matter worse. Part of me wants to help you but I have no idea how to do that. I just wrote this to vent and the saddest thing about this site is we can go on and on about our problems but we can't do shit for each other. We either have to live with it or just quit. Why should I keep playing if I cant win? I hope that we will find peace in whatever form.

 

[TimeToDie]

I'm bald and, by itself, that's certainly not a reason to CTB. Though I have so many other serious reasons to terminate life and being bald simply adds to the argument for death. As for trying to regrow hair, minoxidil will at best just grow some peach fuzz that is not cosmetically significant. Minoxidil is also a royal pain in the ass. You have to apply it twice a day till the end of time, and the 5% version is so fucking oily that your scalp will basically be damp the whole day. The 2% version is slightly less offensive though even less likely to grow peach fuzz. Finasteride also doesn't do much -- for me it did nothing.

As for hair transplants, they frequently fail. Hair loss is progressive, so if you get a transplant at 25 to fill in the balding area then you will need to get more transplants as other areas bald over the years. If you want to impress chicks you could just buy a Corvette instead as it won't cost anymore than all the transplants you'll eventually need. And even then there are guys who have to just give up and shave their head, but now they have nasty scars on the back of their head where hair was cut out to use for transplantation.

If hair transplants worked there wouldn't be rich guys who are bald. One can point to a guy like Jason Statham and note that women tend to find him highly attractive, but he has a lot going for him to compensate for his lack of hair -- like the fact that he's very fit and good looking.