JustHeckinKillMe
Cool I'm dead
- Sep 26, 2019
- 122
You have it? How do you deal with it?
I'm sorry people treated you like that. How cruel.I am female, always had fine, thinnish hair but then it started falling out and wouldn't grow much lengthwise either, starting when I was about 20 or 21. I didn't know why at the time, and it was very traumatic and made a HUGE negative impact on my already basically non-existent self-esteem and confidence. I spent so much money on shampoos, styling products and hair treatments, vitamins (this was in the late 80s). I was trying anything I could do (and afford at the time, which wasn't much) to make it stop falling, to grow, or at least appear thicker. It was so humiliating and I got even more self-conscious and going anywhere was miserable because all I did was look at other women's healthy, thick, long hair...and it was worse if I then happened to catch a glimpse of myself in a window or mirror or something. :-/ Washing my hair was both an upsetting ordeal because so much would be in the drain, and a bigger endeavor than for a normal person because I'd be using so many different conditioners and treatments in the shower. I'd avoid doing anything that would get my hair wet, or blown around. I tried so hard to find ways to disguise how thin it was but there wasn't much I could do with my horrible hair besides put it in a scraggly ugly thin ponytail, or pin it up, or tease the hell out of it and then hairspray it but that only looked worse so mostly I'd find ways to use big bows or accessories (remember, this was the 80s so that kind of thing was in fashion. lol) but I got a lot of mean remarks and ''jokes" made about my ugly hair back then from people I didn't know (like if I was out somewhere such as a bar or social event, or at work) and even from family. And it was awful too because no matter how much effort I put into doing my makeup, dressing nicely, etc, if your hair looks like a thin, frizzy ugly rat's nest on your head, you aren't going to feel good about yourself and all the effort to look nice you put into the rest of your appearance just highlights how bad the hair looks. There are pretty much NO photos of me from age 21 on because I was so embarrassed by my hair. I can honestly say that helped contribute to my long list of reasons why I hate my life and have had suicidal ideation for decades. Now, I'm an old sickly lady so who cares anymore really about my hair but if I ever do want to at least try to look somewhat normal and feel less self-conscious, I have invested in a couple human hair lace wigs and while not like having one's own natural hair, at least it's better than this ugly mess on my head. (the cause of my hair loss back in my 20s I attribute to my screwed up hormones from a reproductive disease I didn't know at the time I was suffering from. After that, years of chronic stress, other illnesses and also poor genetics came into play as well.)
I hadn't thought about all this in detail for a long time. It's amazing how it can still make me feel shitty all these years later when it isn't even relevant to my existence anymore anyway.