Had the world in my hands

[tarquinn95]

I had it all, or so I thought.

Great job, own business turning over good money.

I am an instructor with the RAF Air Cadets in the UK and loved every minute of it!

Great holidays, loads of great people around me…

But then suddenly, I've lost it all. Money gone, business going broke due to industry down turn choking us, false allegations in the cadets mean I am suspended.

Only thing I have left in my life is my loving partner.

A few years a go I left the prison service due to poor mental health and attempts at CTB. Ever since then I haven't been able to keep my emotions in check. I went into a new industry, TV & Film, and was flying! Then the break down started, I attempted CTB again last year and they took my firearms certificate away… and since then the slippery slope has just got steaper.

So I lay here, awaiting police, awaiting debt collectors, awaiting the moment where I say enough is enough! CTB is the only way I can finally be in control again, make my own path, and rid the world of me. Me who is just a burden to all.

This forum is helping me, the PPH, the advice… atleast I'll be able to do it properly this time.

Now I play the waiting game.

Thank you all,

Christian x

 

[PanaxMan]

I had it all, or so I thought.

Great job, own business turning over good money.

I am an instructor with the RAF Air Cadets in the UK and loved every minute of it!

Great holidays, loads of great people around me…

But then suddenly, I've lost it all. Money gone, business going broke due to industry down turn choking us, false allegations in the cadets mean I am suspended.

Only thing I have left in my life is my loving partner.

A few years a go I left the prison service due to poor mental health and attempts at CTB. Ever since then I haven't been able to keep my emotions in check. I went into a new industry, TV & Film, and was flying! Then the break down started, I attempted CTB again last year and they took my firearms certificate away… and since then the slippery slope has just got steaper.

So I lay here, awaiting police, awaiting debt collectors, awaiting the moment where I say enough is enough! CTB is the only way I can finally be in control again, make my own path, and rid the world of me. Me who is just a burden to all.

This forum is helping me, the PPH, the advice… atleast I'll be able to do it properly this time.

Now I play the waiting game.

Thank you all,

Christian x

Is this a goodbye thread or a rant? Goodbye = Damn Brother. That's fucking crazy. Search up 1444 livestream suicide. You could've CTB'ed that way brother. Rant = Well we all live and go thru shit that makes us want to just die. We are all mortal, after all in this world, at least.

 

[tarquinn95]

Is this a goodbye thread or a rant? Goodbye = Damn Brother. That's fucking crazy. Search up 1444 livestream suicide. You could've CTB'ed that way brother. Rant = Well we all live and go thru shit that makes us want to just die. We are all mortal, after all in this world, at least.

Hey man, currently me getting it off my chest, I can't talk to anyone outside of this forum about it all.
Could this turn into the start of a goodbye? Most certainly, and each day puts me a day closer!

Thank you for the info to!

 

[PanaxMan]

Hey man, currently me getting it off my chest, I can't talk to anyone outside of this forum about it all.
Could this turn into the start of a goodbye? Most certainly, and each day puts me a day closer!

Thank you for the info to!

No problem. 1444 was a highly popular suicide livestream streamed on YouTube back years ago. It got 100,000 views. I helped people who wanted to die by guns either with a shotgun vs rifle. It also depend on price for a lot of people. He used a semi-automatic rifle and he was in Russia, If i remember.

Hey man, currently me getting it off my chest, I can't talk to anyone outside of this forum about it all.
Could this turn into the start of a goodbye? Most certainly, and each day puts me a day closer!

Thank you for the info to!

This is obviously more of a rant but 100% can turn into a goodbye thread, although i would do a separate thread. Especially if your still on here when you want to CTB.

 

[tarquinn95]

No problem. 1444 was a highly popular suicide livestream streamed on YouTube back years ago. It got 100,000 views. I helped people who wanted to die by guns either with a shotgun vs rifle. It also depend on price for a lot of people. He used a semi-automatic rifle and he was in Russia, If i remember.

This is obviously more of a rant but 100% can turn into a goodbye thread, although i would do a separate thread. Especially if your still on here when you want to CTB.

Firearm will be a no for me, since losing my certificate I wouldn't be able to get ahold of one anyway. In the past I've tried to OD however… reading on here and seeing the PPH etc I think SN will be choice this time around.

Appreciate the feedback, I think I'll do that goodbye thread when the time comes. I like how it's a community on here.

 

[PanaxMan]

Firearm will be a no for me, since losing my certificate I wouldn't be able to get ahold of one anyway. In the past I've tried to OD however… reading on here and seeing the PPH etc I think SN will be choice this time around.

Appreciate the feedback, I think I'll do that goodbye thread when the time comes. I like how it's a community on here.

Yep 100%

 

[brokeandbroken]

I had it all, or so I thought.

Great job, own business turning over good money.

I am an instructor with the RAF Air Cadets in the UK and loved every minute of it!

Great holidays, loads of great people around me…

But then suddenly, I've lost it all. Money gone, business going broke due to industry down turn choking us, false allegations in the cadets mean I am suspended.

Only thing I have left in my life is my loving partner.

A few years a go I left the prison service due to poor mental health and attempts at CTB. Ever since then I haven't been able to keep my emotions in check. I went into a new industry, TV & Film, and was flying! Then the break down started, I attempted CTB again last year and they took my firearms certificate away… and since then the slippery slope has just got steaper.

So I lay here, awaiting police, awaiting debt collectors, awaiting the moment where I say enough is enough! CTB is the only way I can finally be in control again, make my own path, and rid the world of me. Me who is just a burden to all.

This forum is helping me, the PPH, the advice… atleast I'll be able to do it properly this time.

Now I play the waiting game.

Thank you all,

Christian x

Does this mean you served? Have you look into whether or not you have PTSD? I'm sorry for what's happened to you... I know all to well what it is like to lose everything. Have you confided in your partner?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, it's just so cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best of luck with your plans.

 

[tarquinn95]

Does this mean you served? Have you look into whether or not you have PTSD? I'm sorry for what's happened to you... I know all to well what it is like to lose everything. Have you confided in your partner?

Hey, not in the military but I did in the prison service, there is PTSD on the cards unfortunately and the counselling didn't help.

I have to an extent, some conversations just seem to hard to have

 

[brokeandbroken]

Hey, not in the military but I did in the prison service, there is PTSD on the cards unfortunately and the counselling didn't help.

I have to an extent, some conversations just seem to hard to have

Makes sense I'm sorry to hear that on both fronts. I hope you find peace.