Had a total breakdown &panic attack in front of a guy i was dating

[BellaKAT]

It was a shit show. probably never wants to see me again. I don't even know why it happened. I should have just left. I used to be the "chill" type now i feel like i'm just a mess. I didn't tell him i wanted to die but i told him how alone i feel sometimes, about getting flashbacks. he just looked at me like i was crazy the whole time, and this just made me more upset. i think i just have to vent this because it's sending me into a terrible depression this week.

 

[MisterSadness]

Listen, I don't know you, but as a guy, I can tell you this:
If I really loved a girl, I would accept her as she is, with all her "flaws" and "problems".
And If he doesn't want to be with you because of that, he isn't for you anyway.
Don't feel bad for telling him about that.

 

[Help_Me]

Dang.. I feel kinda the same everytime I meet up with my gf... Just getting overwhelmed with bad memories and flashbacks. And then panic attack stats immediately

 

[Midnight]

he just looked at me like i was crazy the whole time,

Sry to say but that makes him sound like an utter douche. Best to think thoroughly about investing more into that relationship.

 

[BellaKAT]

Listen, I don't know you, but as a guy, I can tell you this:
If I really loved a girl, I would accept her as she is, with all her "flaws" and "problems".
And If he doesn't want to be with you because of that, he isn't for you anyway.
Don't feel bad for telling him about that.

I know, but it just felt so bad. I know it's just a burden and unattractive to him. I wish I could roll back time and change it. He used to think so much more of me. I can't believe the way I get sometimes, i guess i don't want to be the person that I am.

 

[MisterSadness]

I know, but it just felt so bad. I know it's just a burden and unattractive to him. I wish I could roll back time and change it. He used to think so much more of me. I can't believe the way I get sometimes, i guess i don't want to be the person that I am.

Again, I don't think you should feel bad about it.
This is who you are, and a part of you.
You need to accept yourself.

 

[Fucking loving it]

Again, I don't think you should feel bad about it.
This is who you are, and a part of you.
You need to accept yourself.

I second this. I have accepted myself. I can't stand myself but it's who I am.
Also if he loves you he will accept you.

 

[BellaKAT]

I second this. I have accepted myself. I can't stand myself but it's who I am.
Also if he loves you he will accept you.

Yeah. i've accepted it at this point but i'm not proud of it. He doesn't really love me i dont think, but i still care about him.

 

[Fernweh]

I know, but it just felt so bad. I know it's just a burden and unattractive to him. I wish I could roll back time and change it. He used to think so much more of me. I can't believe the way I get sometimes, i guess i don't want to be the person that I am.

Hey, dont be too hard on yourself. Showing our not so perfect sides (which we all have, him included), is about the bravest and coolest thing we can do. Some may not get it, and thats ok. If hes right for you then he will understand (like someone else said).

 

[OkTotti]

well at least your dating....

 

[hieronymus.bosch]

It was a shit show. probably never wants to see me again. I don't even know why it happened. I should have just left. I used to be the "chill" type now i feel like i'm just a mess. I didn't tell him i wanted to die but i told him how alone i feel sometimes, about getting flashbacks. he just looked at me like i was crazy the whole time, and this just made me more upset. i think i just have to vent this because it's sending me into a terrible depression this week.

Being vulnerable can filter out intolerant people. Though he could just have been a little shocked/needed time to adjust, or otherwise personally lacked the capacity to be helpful at that moment. In any case, it shouldn't damage a promising relationship. It could even deepen the person's care for you if you're compatible.

My abusive ex threw me out after a suicidal gesture when we'd been living together for a few years, my mother was dying (and recently homeless due to my father's behaviour), and I had nowhere safe to go. He said he wanted to wash his hands of me as it wasn't what he'd 'signed up for'. So I do have some insight into the regret/shame etc. I put so much effort and pain into trying to be 'acceptable' to him.

Try not to ruminate over it. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and concealing your issues isn't sustainable in a genuine relationship.

 

[Herbalpompano75]

My ex jesa she has severe anxiety and depression and it breaks my heart cause she always feels like crap and she's broken down in front of me more times then you can count I've had to stay up all night talkin her to sleep even though she would ignore me for most of it I would just go on for hours and I'd support her however I could and I've seen her in her weakest moments I've seen her cry so much she couldn't speak and not one time not ever did I ever think she was weak or ugly or pathetic she was always everything to me I loved her just the way she was and I was willing to do anything for her if this guy loves you he will won't care and honestly he may not even been paying attention to how he looked he may of looked at you like you were crazy but honestly it doesn't mean he does I know jesa called me out a couple times cause she thought I was angry or something idk I just make stupid faces sometimes I don't mean to but it happens just talk to him say hey this is what's going on and I'm really struggling and I trust you and I thought I could tell you these things

 

[BellaKAT]

well at least your dating....

LOL. barely. i'm too closed off to have a meaningful relationship boyfriend/girlfriend

 

[azucaramargo]

Listen, I don't know you, but as a guy, I can tell you this:
If I really loved a girl, I would accept her as she is, with all her "flaws" and "problems".
And If he doesn't want to be with you because of that, he isn't for you anyway.
Don't feel bad for telling him about that.

That's really nice of you, MisterSadness.

 

[azucaramargo]

It was a shit show. probably never wants to see me again. I don't even know why it happened. I should have just left. I used to be the "chill" type now i feel like i'm just a mess. I didn't tell him i wanted to die but i told him how alone i feel sometimes, about getting flashbacks. he just looked at me like i was crazy the whole time, and this just made me more upset. i think i just have to vent this because it's sending me into a terrible depression this week.

I've done that, BellaKAT. Screw him if he can't understand ups and downs! Seriously! Fuck people who can't understand depression!

 

[azucaramargo]

I know, but it just felt so bad. I know it's just a burden and unattractive to him. I wish I could roll back time and change it. He used to think so much more of me. I can't believe the way I get sometimes, i guess i don't want to be the person that I am.

I hate this guy already, BellaKAT. Anyone who would think less of you is CRAP. You are so cool. All the stuff you write on here. You are great!!!