Had a dream about ctb via sn

[KiraX]

It felt so real and I could feel I was losing consciousness and I started to panic asking for my partner, for someone to find him before I pass out and that I was dying. He came just last second and all I could get out before the dream ended was I'm sorry.

Honestly has me woken up today with a tight anxiety feeling.

Now the thought of being alone when I ctb has me a bit scared

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've had a few dreams about suicide with the most intense one being about me attempting to drown myself in a bath tub. At first it didn't seem to work, but once I got out and started to walk away I immediately started dry drowning and worst part was that it hurt. I could actually feel the pain from it. The dream left me in a state of shock when I woke up. I don't think it was intense enough to make me question attempting ctb again some point later (this was during I'd been hospitalized for one of my attempts), but it did freak me out.

If it makes you feel any better, based on what I've read from accounts of people who have died and been resuscitated, the general consensus seems to be that dying is generally a fairly peaceful experience. I think I only found one person who referred to it as painful.