Oobaar
Member
- Nov 5, 2023
- 11
This is my first thread i think, so i am sorry if i did something wrong and english isnt my native language, sorry in advance.
Sorry its long, i divided it into parts so you can skip stuf you dont wanna read, if you wanna help.
Original plan:
Well for some months i was planning to go a gun range and shoot myself, but didnt work out.
Everything was nice first, i heard ill need a shooting buddy, cuz ranges dont want to rent guns to people when they are alone, cuz of people like me. I wanted to go with my family for my next birthday and my uncle agreed.
I wanted to shoot myself at my birthday but that didnt work out, but no problem, we gone like a month later, yesterday, well he bring with himself my younger cousin.
I got over and made my mind okey with the fact that people would see me die, even my uncle, cuz they will be old, they could manage, especially him, even tho it made me kinda sad he would see it, but he is strong and he seen some stuf.
But the cousin, he is in middle school i believe, he has it hard enough and will have it harder, i know. i was scared this would make him want to do it also.
But i got over it, well we get the guns, i masked my stress and fear wonderfully i think, noone could tell a thing. I got three revolvers. My plan was shoot from the first to get a grip how it works (so i dont point to my head, pull the trigger and nothing happens, that would be akward...), then either shoot myself from the second or third.
Why it didnt work:
Well the gun staff officer or whatever he is, was glued to me.
One of my friends goes to gun ranges regurarly ( i asked him alot of questions ), when he shoots, the safety guy is like 2 metres behind him, but with me he was on the right, next to me, the whole time, If i would try i would hit him or he would quickly grab the gun, also my cousin was waiting in the stall on my left... If i would shoot myself to the temple the bullet could exit my head and shoot him. Well i just let it be and enjoyed my time there, it was kinda nice, i shot from 45 caliber revolver i think, it was big and strong.
Concenquences/Aftermath:
Well i have problems now, i was really planning to do it, maybe if i would try i would succed. I thought i wont have future so i lived a life for few months especially the last weeks, like i wouldnt face the consequences.
I didnt do anything to school, which is a huge problem.
I had to read books and do work on some projects, i didnt, i also should have worked at the post office at the end of summer, but i just didnt, i had arguments with my family more than ever, sometimes i was mean, but to people which made me wanna do the thing. I didnt care about my partner i just wanted their touch and attention and love, i was little bit mean and sometimes too needy and handsy and even inappropriate. One of my friends doesnt even wanna talk to me anymore, also blocked on social media.
Positives:
On the positive side i shot from a huge revolver and the officer said for a newbie i managed it well! I rewatched and seen many anime i seen when i was little and wanted to see it again or always wanted to see, but never got the time, i seen Ghost in the shell, Paranoia agent, Paprika, Tokyo godfathers,The girl who leapt through time, millenium actress, many more and FLCL(which kinda changed my view on life), i downloaded doom and some other games from sus links, cuz i wanted to try again before i die, i didnt care about viruses, i should have been ded. i was hanging more with my friends and had some wonderfull times. I never was a drinker and i hated smoking (my grandfather, who was an amazing person and who raised me, cuz my father was gone for a half of my life, died too soon thanks to smoking his whole life and my mother smokes, shes mean to me). But i tried cigaretts and alcohol, i enjoyed both. I binge listened to most music that i ever loved, i tried many new foods.
And yesterday was so beatifull, we gone at night so i had whole day. I was walking through my city and nature, listening to music, the sky was just beautifull, it was sad but happy, melancholic, nostalgic, wonderfull, it was the most beautifull day of my life, i never felt so happy and so full, i felt so at peace, i was happy with my life, i felt satisfied with it, this was the last day of my life.
What now
But i am here, i still wanna die, i have some options.
1. the gun range again and maybe next time the officer will be further away. Tho i think the next time ill be able to will be at christmass, so ill have to wait and ehm, i will be roasted in school and more.
2. Theres a bridge near where i live, its pretty low, but there are cars driving under it. I would probably have to try to time it right to get hit by a car. This bridge has wonderfull view on my city, when sun sets, even at day and at night, i sometimes just stay there and look, people driving under me must think i wanna jump. Heh
3. I can buy a rope, but i dont know whats good or not, i read some threads and posts but idk. At the moment the only rope i found i could buy is from a sport shop thats far away. (But i think the walk would be nice if i would wanna do it the same day. I could go to the more of end of the day to catch a nice sunset on the way back through the nature and even pass some nice spots, with nice views or memories.)
Its a climbing rope, kinda thin and maybe made from some synthetic material, it looks streatchy, maybe plastic? Idk. And i dont have much spots where to hang myself + they are not perfect:
a)in my room on doorknob
b)in house under wooden beam, theres alot but somebody could save me
c)in forest, but with my luck i could choose a spot where i walk everyday and spot nobody but on that particular day the police and paramedics would just decide to go on a walk and find me
d)drop from the bridge with a noose around my neck?
Well, got any suggestions, help, advice?
also sorry if this was too long. Thanks in advance to anyone for anything.
Sorry its long, i divided it into parts so you can skip stuf you dont wanna read, if you wanna help.
Original plan:
Well for some months i was planning to go a gun range and shoot myself, but didnt work out.
Everything was nice first, i heard ill need a shooting buddy, cuz ranges dont want to rent guns to people when they are alone, cuz of people like me. I wanted to go with my family for my next birthday and my uncle agreed.
I wanted to shoot myself at my birthday but that didnt work out, but no problem, we gone like a month later, yesterday, well he bring with himself my younger cousin.
I got over and made my mind okey with the fact that people would see me die, even my uncle, cuz they will be old, they could manage, especially him, even tho it made me kinda sad he would see it, but he is strong and he seen some stuf.
But the cousin, he is in middle school i believe, he has it hard enough and will have it harder, i know. i was scared this would make him want to do it also.
But i got over it, well we get the guns, i masked my stress and fear wonderfully i think, noone could tell a thing. I got three revolvers. My plan was shoot from the first to get a grip how it works (so i dont point to my head, pull the trigger and nothing happens, that would be akward...), then either shoot myself from the second or third.
Why it didnt work:
Well the gun staff officer or whatever he is, was glued to me.
One of my friends goes to gun ranges regurarly ( i asked him alot of questions ), when he shoots, the safety guy is like 2 metres behind him, but with me he was on the right, next to me, the whole time, If i would try i would hit him or he would quickly grab the gun, also my cousin was waiting in the stall on my left... If i would shoot myself to the temple the bullet could exit my head and shoot him. Well i just let it be and enjoyed my time there, it was kinda nice, i shot from 45 caliber revolver i think, it was big and strong.
Concenquences/Aftermath:
Well i have problems now, i was really planning to do it, maybe if i would try i would succed. I thought i wont have future so i lived a life for few months especially the last weeks, like i wouldnt face the consequences.
I didnt do anything to school, which is a huge problem.
I had to read books and do work on some projects, i didnt, i also should have worked at the post office at the end of summer, but i just didnt, i had arguments with my family more than ever, sometimes i was mean, but to people which made me wanna do the thing. I didnt care about my partner i just wanted their touch and attention and love, i was little bit mean and sometimes too needy and handsy and even inappropriate. One of my friends doesnt even wanna talk to me anymore, also blocked on social media.
Positives:
On the positive side i shot from a huge revolver and the officer said for a newbie i managed it well! I rewatched and seen many anime i seen when i was little and wanted to see it again or always wanted to see, but never got the time, i seen Ghost in the shell, Paranoia agent, Paprika, Tokyo godfathers,The girl who leapt through time, millenium actress, many more and FLCL(which kinda changed my view on life), i downloaded doom and some other games from sus links, cuz i wanted to try again before i die, i didnt care about viruses, i should have been ded. i was hanging more with my friends and had some wonderfull times. I never was a drinker and i hated smoking (my grandfather, who was an amazing person and who raised me, cuz my father was gone for a half of my life, died too soon thanks to smoking his whole life and my mother smokes, shes mean to me). But i tried cigaretts and alcohol, i enjoyed both. I binge listened to most music that i ever loved, i tried many new foods.
And yesterday was so beatifull, we gone at night so i had whole day. I was walking through my city and nature, listening to music, the sky was just beautifull, it was sad but happy, melancholic, nostalgic, wonderfull, it was the most beautifull day of my life, i never felt so happy and so full, i felt so at peace, i was happy with my life, i felt satisfied with it, this was the last day of my life.
What now
But i am here, i still wanna die, i have some options.
1. the gun range again and maybe next time the officer will be further away. Tho i think the next time ill be able to will be at christmass, so ill have to wait and ehm, i will be roasted in school and more.
2. Theres a bridge near where i live, its pretty low, but there are cars driving under it. I would probably have to try to time it right to get hit by a car. This bridge has wonderfull view on my city, when sun sets, even at day and at night, i sometimes just stay there and look, people driving under me must think i wanna jump. Heh
3. I can buy a rope, but i dont know whats good or not, i read some threads and posts but idk. At the moment the only rope i found i could buy is from a sport shop thats far away. (But i think the walk would be nice if i would wanna do it the same day. I could go to the more of end of the day to catch a nice sunset on the way back through the nature and even pass some nice spots, with nice views or memories.)
Its a climbing rope, kinda thin and maybe made from some synthetic material, it looks streatchy, maybe plastic? Idk. And i dont have much spots where to hang myself + they are not perfect:
a)in my room on doorknob
b)in house under wooden beam, theres alot but somebody could save me
c)in forest, but with my luck i could choose a spot where i walk everyday and spot nobody but on that particular day the police and paramedics would just decide to go on a walk and find me
d)drop from the bridge with a noose around my neck?
Well, got any suggestions, help, advice?
also sorry if this was too long. Thanks in advance to anyone for anything.
