guilt

[user933957]

I feel guilty for trying to end it, I mean my parents spent alot of time to raise me and to give me what I need and try to make me happy only for me to end my life. I've been thinking about it. I feel sad that my closest friends are clearly not wanting to be with me, I don't know how I didn't see it sooner. I don't know what to think or what to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all it's a personal decision deciding whether to delay the inevitable or not, none of us are obligated to continue existing here and it would be so cruel to expect someone to stay here and suffer against their wishes. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Rational man]

Its not clear why you are thinking like this unless im not getting you. Sounds like your parents are kind people, something many of us did not have. I believe that true friends will be with you in the good times and the difficult times. In my experience, most of my so called friends and family disappeared when I became sick..Cleary, they couldn't cope and evidently, they were not true friends. I wish you the best.

 

[TDF]

I feel guilty for trying to end it, I mean my parents spent alot of time to raise me and to give me what I need and try to make me happy only for me to end my life. I've been thinking about it. I feel sad that my closest friends are clearly not wanting to be with me, I don't know how I didn't see it sooner. I don't know what to think or what to do.

If you closest friends don't want to be with you that's because they are not your closest friends, you don't need them you can find better friends that want to be there for you, just have to look else where and be patient.

I can understand your guilt I feel alot of guilt too.

 

[user933957]

If you closest friends don't want to be with you that's because they are not your closest friends, you don't need them you can find better friends that want to be there for you, just have to look else where and be patient.

I can understand your guilt I feel alot of guilt too.

thank you that means alot, I'm also glad someone else can relate.

Its not clear why you are thinking like this unless im not getting you. Sounds like your parents are kind people, something many of us did not have. I believe that true friends will be with you in the good times and the difficult times. In my experience, most of my so called friends and family disappeared when I became sick..Cleary, they couldn't cope and evidently, they were not true friends. I wish you the best.

well they do provide for me but they never really ask if I'm alright. they used to but they gave up and when I'm crying or something they ignore me and get mad at me for no reason, which does hurt alot. thank you, I also wish the best for you.

After all it's a personal decision deciding whether to delay the inevitable or not, none of us are obligated to continue existing here and it would be so cruel to expect someone to stay here and suffer against their wishes. But anyway I wish you the best.

thank you!

 

[Techef]

In my experience, most of my so called friends and family disappeared when I became sick

Weird how this happens. Except for 2 people, everyone stopped contacting me after I told them of my diagnosis back in late 2019 that will end up killing me before this year is over (that's if I let nature take its course). Maybe it's too painful to keep in touch with someone who's slowly dying? I don't know. 1 friend kept in touch with me somewhat regularly over text for another 6 months. My only surviving immediate family member last talked to me 2.5 years ago. I'm trying to meet one last time with my family member before I pass, but I'm not sure that will happen. Clearly they're emotionally distraught, since it took them 4 months after I told them I would not survive the year before they agreed to meet. Since then, radio silence.

 

[MrDarkness]

I know how you feel, my mom is going to be heart broken, but I can't live anymore

 

[whywere]

You are such a thoughtful and kind person.

As far as the friend aspect goes, if I was in that type of situation, I would straight off ask if I did something to get shunned, this way one is not looking like an aggressive jerk just wondering is all, and after getting answers surmise what one wants to do. If they did not answer at all, then, at least for me, I probably would not waste my time and energy.

I say this about the friend part of your thread, because back in 1983 I was back in my home area for the summer break from college and I had folks tell me that one of my "friends" shunned me and would have nothing to do with me. I did nothing about it. Well about a month later on a Saturday night this person and another guy were going to the town closest to my hometown and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure and away we went. A little past 1am we were in a bar and I said that I was going to the bathroom. When I came out both of them were gone. I ran across the street to a parking lot where he had parked his vehicle and it was gone. He along with the other person drove 35 miles back to our hometown and they laughed about it. I had a cop give me a ride the 35 miles to my car. I never had anything to do with them again.

I say on this to be safe than sorry and hit it straight on so one might dodge, potentially, headaches and heartaches.

You are a VERY thoughtful and kind person, and I would give myself more time. Ctb is one and done and not going anywhere.

Lots of to you as you are a very intelligent person who does not want to hurt anyone.

Walter

 

[user933957]

Weird how this happens. Except for 2 people, everyone stopped contacting me after I told them of my diagnosis back in late 2019 that will end up killing me before this year is over (that's if I let nature take its course). Maybe it's too painful to keep in touch with someone who's slowly dying? I don't know. 1 friend kept in touch with me somewhat regularly over text for another 6 months. My only surviving immediate family member last talked to me 2.5 years ago. I'm trying to meet one last time with my family member before I pass, but I'm not sure that will happen. Clearly they're emotionally distraught, since it took them 4 months after I told them I would not survive the year before they agreed to meet. Since then, radio silence.

the thing is, I have to close friends, one doesn't really have any problems and the other one I'm pretty sure has the same mood diagnosis that I have, we frequently used to talk about our problems with each other but someday they just stopped. I stopped talking to alot of people when I was going to end it and now I guess they all think I'm a jerk since I never told them what I was gonna do and just cut them off. which I don't blame them.

You are such a thoughtful and kind person.

As far as the friend aspect goes, if I was in that type of situation, I would straight off ask if I did something to get shunned, this way one is not looking like an aggressive jerk just wondering is all, and after getting answers surmise what one wants to do. If they did not answer at all, then, at least for me, I probably would not waste my time and energy.

I say this about the friend part of your thread, because back in 1983 I was back in my home area for the summer break from college and I had folks tell me that one of my "friends" shunned me and would have nothing to do with me. I did nothing about it. Well about a month later on a Saturday night this person and another guy were going to the town closest to my hometown and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure and away we went. A little past 1am we were in a bar and I said that I was going to the bathroom. When I came out both of them were gone. I ran across the street to a parking lot where he had parked his vehicle and it was gone. He along with the other person drove 35 miles back to our hometown and they laughed about it. I had a cop give me a ride the 35 miles to my car. I never had anything to do with them again.

I say on this to be safe than sorry and hit it straight on so one might dodge, potentially, headaches and heartaches.

You are a VERY thoughtful and kind person, and I would give myself more time. Ctb is one and done and not going anywhere.

Lots of to you as you are a very intelligent person who does not want to hurt anyone.

Walter

thank you so much, I have been thinking about it and I have some plans for the future if I don't end it. it's a rather lonely and sad plan but I think it'll be better than ending it if I don't want to.

You are such a thoughtful and kind person.

As far as the friend aspect goes, if I was in that type of situation, I would straight off ask if I did something to get shunned, this way one is not looking like an aggressive jerk just wondering is all, and after getting answers surmise what one wants to do. If they did not answer at all, then, at least for me, I probably would not waste my time and energy.

I say this about the friend part of your thread, because back in 1983 I was back in my home area for the summer break from college and I had folks tell me that one of my "friends" shunned me and would have nothing to do with me. I did nothing about it. Well about a month later on a Saturday night this person and another guy were going to the town closest to my hometown and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure and away we went. A little past 1am we were in a bar and I said that I was going to the bathroom. When I came out both of them were gone. I ran across the street to a parking lot where he had parked his vehicle and it was gone. He along with the other person drove 35 miles back to our hometown and they laughed about it. I had a cop give me a ride the 35 miles to my car. I never had anything to do with them again.

I say on this to be safe than sorry and hit it straight on so one might dodge, potentially, headaches and heartaches.

You are a VERY thoughtful and kind person, and I would give myself more time. Ctb is one and done and not going anywhere.

Lots of to you as you are a very intelligent person who does not want to hurt anyone.

Walter

thank you so much, I have been thinking about it and I have some plans for the future if I don't end it. it's a rather lonely and sad plan but I think it'll be better than ending it if I don't want to.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

My sister was my biggest barrier to ctb. I think it's normal to feel guilt.

I'm guessing your young. It hurts, but friendships come and go. It's very clear you are indecisive and unsure if you want to go. Suicidal thoughts can pass. Mine come and go. Maybe see if they die down before you decide.