Guilt bc my mom tries to help me so much

[drennedrat]

I'm a lost cause - my life is at rock bottom in so many ways and I'm ready to stop suffering (thinking about tomorrow even). But she keeps checking on me and telling me how she wants me in her life. It feels so bad

 

[tora]

I've felt like this recently too, I have plans to ctb next month but my mom is so loving and supportive towards me that I feel really guilty when I think about how heartbroken she'll be when I'm gone :(

 

[BornByGhosts]

You seem to love your mom! Have you asked her specifically how she wants you to be in her life?

 

[drennedrat]

You seem to love your mom! Have you asked her specifically how she wants you to be in her life?

I think she just knows I'm having suicidal ideation and wants me to stay around. I do love her, and I feel very guilty leaving her and my dad. But I can't even fathom a life after everything I've been through

 

[notahappygirl]

Same, I want to ctb soon but my mom is stopping me I feel so guilty

 

[BornByGhosts]

I think she just knows I'm having suicidal ideation and wants me to stay around. I do love her, and I feel very guilty leaving her and my dad. But I can't even fathom a life after everything I've been through

sorry if i sound preachy. you seem to have a support network, please use it. If they love you as much as you're implying, they will gladly listen to you. Having parents that love you is not something to take for granted.

 

[SymphonysofAgony]

I understand the pressure of trying to make everyone who supports you feel like their time is worthwhile and wanting to make them proud.

I have been learning lately with my new therapist that my own mom has made some mistakes that have made me unable to handle my emotions and reactions correctly or appropriately; however in general for all the things she's had to raise me and my older siblings through, she's done a pretty good job. Because of her - and I guess luck, I've had many good psychiatrists, therapists and even my pediatrician (adolescent and young adult medicine specialist) be a part of my mental health care team. Even though my therapist or psychiatrist has changed a few times, I've still had ones who generally helped me by teaching me techniques for different things. My siblings are also kind of supportive in their weird own ways.
I understand how fortunate I am to have these professionals and my family be there for me because as others have noted, I'm well aware a support group like that is not common. But ironically, that's one of the things that makes me feel worse. I imagine OP feels similarly. "Why am I the one who is receiving all this attention, when I am worthless? I am ugly, dumb and useless by any means, and always fail even at the simplest of things. Anything I will do in life, I will fail at eventually. Life is just too hard and nonstop stress. I am not worthy of their devotion, I deserve to die as I am just a continous disappointment to everyone who's ever had faith in me." These are thoughts I've been having for over 6 years, and I bet OP you've thought things like this?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

She is your mum and she doesn't want to lose you. I have to deal with that same "problem" which is one of the causes I'm still stuck here.

 

[drennedrat]

I understand the pressure of trying to make everyone who supports you feel like their time is worthwhile and wanting to make them proud.

I have been learning lately with my new therapist that my own mom has made some mistakes that have made me unable to handle my emotions and reactions correctly or appropriately; however in general for all the things she's had to raise me and my older siblings through, she's done a pretty good job. Because of her - and I guess luck, I've had many good psychiatrists, therapists and even my pediatrician (adolescent and young adult medicine specialist) be a part of my mental health care team. Even though my therapist or psychiatrist has changed a few times, I've still had ones who generally helped me by teaching me techniques for different things. My siblings are also kind of supportive in their weird own ways.
I understand how fortunate I am to have these professionals and my family be there for me because as others have noted, I'm well aware a support group like that is not common. But ironically, that's one of the things that makes me feel worse. I imagine OP feels similarly. "Why am I the one who is receiving all this attention, when I am worthless? I am ugly, dumb and useless by any means, and always fail even at the simplest of things. Anything I will do in life, I will fail at eventually. Life is just too hard and nonstop stress. I am not worthy of their devotion, I deserve to die as I am just a continous disappointment to everyone who's ever had faith in me." These are thoughts I've been having for over 6 years, and I bet OP you've thought things like this?

I do feel similarly, why is she so invested in me knowing how little I accomplish? It feels bad bc I don't feel worthy of it even though I'm her daughter. I still really wanna get out of here though.

 

[cats333]

i feel u. i hate myself but my mom does love me, and i feel so bad not being enough for her and not even being able to stay here until she passes. its a horrible thought but at times i have found myself almost wishing she would pass away just so she doesnt have to bear the fact that i will too, sooner than she realizes. i hope u guys dont think i actually want my mon to die but i feel terrible thinking of the consecuences of my ctb on people who surround me