d3ad
Member
- Mar 15, 2023
- 99
I am feeling all sorts of emotions about choosing to ctb. I feel shame, guilt, sadness, happiness, etc. I know I will never feel pain again, but I feel so terrible for the people I will traumatize and leave with deep pain especially my niblings. I also feel embarrassed because ctb is taboo where I'm from. People will say all sorts of things about me, while most will be hurt and grieving. It's just too much. I am also scared of being found/heard while making death sounds and being found in a disgusting condition. I am pretty scared, and I feel very bad for the people I will leave behind. A part of me wants to leave a note behind, but also I just wanna leave quietly. I am so conflicted, and you cannot even ask the people around you stuff like that because it'll be obvious that you want to ctb. I feel embarrassed that I will die without having achieved anything significant in life, except minor academic achievements. I wanted more, to make a name for myself, to elevate myself but I just can't anymore. I feel so bad, like really really bad, but I cannot take the pain anymore. I am already dead inside anyway, so what's the point of continuing to live?
