Venting Growing Emptiness

[UninformedLover]

There is this...A sort of soul sucking emptiness that I feel in my chest. Like a dark void deep in my soul. Seeping into my bones.I am hollow. An empty shell of my former self.

Absolutely nothing is enjoyable. There is no spark in life. I don't know what to do - quite literally and figuratively. It's such a draining feeling I am tired of experiencing. It's the same thing every single day. I crave enrichment, a crumb of excitement. Anything. I want to experience true happiness again. But I am an impatient women with to many problems to fix. Loneliness washes over me daily. I used to be content being alone,having no friends or no girlfriend but now I am not sure. Low self-esteem cripples my judgement. I want these things but I do not deserve them.

I'm so exhausted. To be honest I feel like a old, worn out sock in the back of a dryer that is constantly forgotten. Or like an Npc in the video game titled "My Life."

I am lost in the sea of grey hues that attack this flashy world. I am truly drowning.

 

[Final Escape]

There is this...A sort of soul sucking emptiness that I feel in my chest. Like a dark void deep in my soul. Seeping into my bones.I am hollow. An empty shell of my former self.

Absolutely nothing is enjoyable. There is no spark in life. I don't know what to do - quite literally and figuratively. It's such a draining feeling I am tired of experiencing. It's the same thing every single day. I crave enrichment, a crumb of excitement. Anything. I want to experience true happiness again. But I am an impatient women with to many problems to fix. Loneliness washes over me daily. I used to be content being alone,having no friends or no girlfriend but now I am not sure. Low self-esteem cripples my judgement. I want these things but I do not deserve them.

I'm so exhausted. To be honest I feel like a old, worn out sock in the back of a dryer that is constantly forgotten. Or like an Npc in the video game titled "My Life."

I am lost in the sea of grey hues that attack this flashy world. I am truly drowning.

Yea this is my problem too. I've finally made up my mind to ctb because of the above reasons u mentioned. I'm useless in this world now and getting uglier each year.

 

[BlueWidow]

@UninformedLover and @Final Escape,

I know exactly what both of you are experiencing. I've been experiencing the same thing since my husband passed away in October 2017. The world lost all color and life lost all meaning. I've just been going through the motions of being alive since then. And dealing with my thyroid problems, which the doctors refuse to treat properly, makes me feel almost unreal. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually a real person or not. I know very well what it feels like to be hollow inside. You desperately search for meaning in life and you can't find any. And it makes you exhausted. I want so badly to just lie down and fade away. I'm technically not dead yet, but I already feel like a ghost.

 

[Final Escape]

@UninformedLover and @Final Escape,

I know exactly what both of you are experiencing. I've been experiencing the same thing since my husband passed away in October 2017. The world lost all color and life lost all meaning. I've just been going through the motions of being alive since then. And dealing with my thyroid problems, which the doctors refuse to treat properly, makes me feel almost unreal. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually a real person or not. I know very well what it feels like to be hollow inside. You desperately search for meaning in life and you can't find any. And it makes you exhausted. I want so badly to just lie down and fade away. I'm technically not dead yet, but I already feel like a ghost.

Sorry u lost your husband that's rough do u have kids? I had no idea how much childlessness was goin to also bother me later on. I was only looking at the immediate situation when I terminated my pregnancies. Of course it would have been bad if I kept the kids because I was unfit to parent with complex ptsd/borderline/add so if I had given up for adoption but I was too selfish to do that. I took the quick route to solve the problem of unplanned unwanted pregnancy.

 

[BlueWidow]

Sorry u lost your husband that's rough do u have kids? I had no idea how much childlessness was goin to also bother me later on. I was only looking at the immediate situation when I terminated my pregnancies. Of course it would have been bad if I kept the kids because I was unfit to parent with complex ptsd/borderline/add so if I had given up for adoption but I was too selfish to do that. I took the quick route to solve the problem of unplanned unwanted pregnancy.

No, I never wanted any children and I don't have any. I never wanted to pass on my family's messed up DNA to any poor unsuspecting child.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation as well.

 

[Moonicide]

My heart goes out to you, love... I relate and feel the same exact way. I'm also beyond exhausted. Loneliness has been eating me alive for quite some time. When I was younger it was easy for me to isolate and go no contact, didn't really need anyone. But the older I got the more I needed people. The more I needed intimacy. I would constantly battle myself due to it. It's very hard for me to be alone now that I'm almost 30. And it's like you're in this constant limbo of emptiness and wanting, but not being able to feel. It's such an endless vicious cycle... You're not alone in this, love. And even when you don't think you do, you do deserve happiness. You deserve to have true friends and solid connections. It's not easy, in fact it's downright difficult, but it doesn't mean you aren't deserving of them... We are here for you.

Sending you all of my love and support.

 

[UninformedLover]

My heart goes out to you, love... I relate and feel the same exact way. I'm also beyond exhausted. Loneliness has been eating me alive for quite some time. When I was younger it was easy for me to isolate and go no contact, didn't really need anyone. But the older I got the more I needed people. The more I needed intimacy. I would constantly battle myself due to it. It's very hard for me to be alone now that I'm almost 30. And it's like you're in this constant limbo of emptiness and wanting, but not being able to feel. It's such an endless vicious cycle... You're not alone in this, love. And even when you don't think you do, you do deserve happiness. You deserve to have true friends and solid connections. It's not easy, in fact it's downright difficult, but it doesn't mean you aren't deserving of them... We are here for you.

Sending you all of my love and support.

Your kind words have touched me very deeply. Thank you for that. It's always good to know someone can empathize with you. I find solace in your words.