Sundayafternoon
Cosmic panic
- May 18, 2018
- 394
I don't know if this should be off topic.
I really accepted suicide as a viable option for myself the day I tearfully uttered the words, "I'm glad she's dead."
I had a little cousin pass away due to complications of HIV 1997. She was 5 and by far my favorite person ever. I still miss and cry for her to this day.
She wasn't supposed to live past a year old, walk or talk but she defeated those odds. She was very intelligent, emotionally in tune with others and loved being alive and loved. But she had to take a plethora of pills everyday, was constantly in and out of the hospital and with her mom being a herion addict with AIDS, this little girl experienced more than her fair share of unfairness from life.
During my worst depressive episode (2005) I found myself again crying and wondering why she was taken from us, from me. Then I thought of how many hospital visits she'd avoided, traumatic experiences she would never suffer through, and thought, "I'm glad she's dead."
She's much safer now than she would have been otherwise. Of course i miss her so much more than it makes sense to after all off these years, but Rai, I'm glad you're dead. Things would have only gotten worse for you.
When I go I can only hope someone loved me enough to be glad i escaped.
Because I'm going.
I really accepted suicide as a viable option for myself the day I tearfully uttered the words, "I'm glad she's dead."
I had a little cousin pass away due to complications of HIV 1997. She was 5 and by far my favorite person ever. I still miss and cry for her to this day.
She wasn't supposed to live past a year old, walk or talk but she defeated those odds. She was very intelligent, emotionally in tune with others and loved being alive and loved. But she had to take a plethora of pills everyday, was constantly in and out of the hospital and with her mom being a herion addict with AIDS, this little girl experienced more than her fair share of unfairness from life.
During my worst depressive episode (2005) I found myself again crying and wondering why she was taken from us, from me. Then I thought of how many hospital visits she'd avoided, traumatic experiences she would never suffer through, and thought, "I'm glad she's dead."
She's much safer now than she would have been otherwise. Of course i miss her so much more than it makes sense to after all off these years, but Rai, I'm glad you're dead. Things would have only gotten worse for you.
When I go I can only hope someone loved me enough to be glad i escaped.
Because I'm going.
