Got my SN

[sosjet]

got sn and other stuff for it in the matter of few days: meto and propranolol. so, i have everything, except the will to do it. last weekend i was rationalizing ctb by jumping, got euphoric feeling then i ordered my SN, and here we are... my SI is off the charts, also my dearest friend was here for me for this week, which did not "help", i feel bad even telling her about it, and actually doing it feels unreal now. i think i will go to psych ward (can anyone with experience tell me, does it even worth it? like, could they prescribe me something heavier than prozac, what was your overall feeling while at it)
i do not feel like i'm okay nor in good mind to trust myself, and "changing my mind" about ctb is not a good expression since i will be keeping my 500 gm SN with other medication for the moment i'm ready, because i do not feel like anything would help but i also can not bring myself to end things right now. so, next question: does my SN looks okay? how much u think it would last? looks like it has oxygen inside (and lumps too), which i do not like... i could, of cource, buy another one but i rather not, and have everything i need the next moment i will feel the need to actually go
this is a mess of a post, i will be making one latter in the "recovery" section, but, if u wanna pm me, feel free to do so

 

[eldiablo666]

Do the blood test?
Honestly I don't know if this is enough but it's a test nonetheless

 

[sosjet]

Do the blood test?
Honestly I don't know if this is enough but it's a test nonetheless

yes, i was planning to do it

 

[eldiablo666]

yes, i was planning to do it

What % is it?

 

[sosjet]

What % is it?

it's ЧДА - as i found in english Pure for Analysis, so higher than 98%. it's from a lab, so the purity doesn't concern me, but the preservation does

 

[eldiablo666]

it's ЧДА - as i found in english Pure for Analysis, so higher than 98%. it's from a lab, so the purity doesn't concern me, but the preservation does

Preservation? You know it's a salt right?

 

[sosjet]

Preservation? You know it's a salt right?

sodium nitrite converting into nitrate

 

[👁️👃👁️]

It won't hurt you to try to go into the hospital. Some people do receive a lot of help that way. There will be tons of people on this forum that will turn you against trying to get any sort of help because it didn't work for them but I think that you should at least try for yourself because everyone's experience is going to be different.

 

[sosjet]

It won't hurt you to try to go into the hospital. Some people do receive a lot of help that way. There will be tons of people on this forum that will turn you against trying to get any sort of help because it didn't work for them but I think that you should at least try for yourself because everyone's experience is going to be different.

thank you, i think so too, while i'm at it, i might as well try. at least it might go two ways: it could get better or worse, and i would have my future plan for both things. the uncertainty is what dreads me

 

[almaranthine]

when I went to the psych ward following a suicide attempt all I was prescribed was Ativan lol... I was on no prior medication though. I only vaguely remember what I actually said to any of the doctors/psychiatrists there. I will say my experience at that particular hospital was mostly positive whereas a different facility I had been committed to in the past was an absolute goddamn nightmare. I likely lied my ass off about not being suicidal, explained away my "attempt" saying I was just really intoxicated, blacked out, and wasn't aware of or in control of what I was saying to the cops, but did suffer from intense anxiety hence the benzo prescription. Idk I have never been able to be honest with doctors because I've been either manic/psychotic and completely out of touch with reality and unable to assess my state and express my symptoms (due to believing in all delusions etc) or I've been so depressed that I've withheld info so I wouldn't be forced to stay longer in the hospital. Lose lose for me. I do believe that these stays can help people but it really depends on where you end up going, the quality of care there, and your willingness to be treated/ability to express your symptoms.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

thank you, i think so too, while i'm at it, i might as well try. at least it might go two ways: it could get better or worse, and i would have my future plan for both things. the uncertainty is what dreads me

People are going to tell you all kinds of things but I think that you should try the experience for yourself. I really do. Just try it out and see what happens. You can't know how things are going to be until you try it. Everyone is going to have a different experience in their life when it comes to different things. Good luck to you. There will always be uncertainty. My grandfather always told me to expect the best but prepare for the worst.
Good luck.

 

[sosjet]

when I went to the psych ward following a suicide attempt all I was prescribed was Ativan lol... I was on no prior medication though. I only vaguely remember what I actually said to any of the doctors/psychiatrists there. I will say my experience at that particular hospital was mostly positive whereas a different facility I had been committed to in the past was an absolute goddamn nightmare. I likely lied my ass off about not being suicidal, explained away my "attempt" saying I was just really intoxicated and blacked out and wasn't aware of or in control of what I was saying to the cops but did suffer from intense anxiety hence the benzo prescription. Idk I have never been able to be honest with doctors because I've been either manic/psychotic and completely out of touch with reality and unable to assess my state and express my symptoms (due to believing in all delusions etc) or I've been so depressed that I've withheld info so I wouldn't be forced to stay longer in the hospital. Lose lose for me. I do believe that these stays can help people but it really depends on where you end up going, the quality of care there, and your willingness to be treated/ability to express your symptoms.

thank you for your imput, and i'm sorry for your experience with that horrible facility. i almost told my psyhiatrist i was actively feeling suicidal (and had a attempt), but freaked out last minute and now we are here. idk what to expect but i guess i would have to figure out myself

People are going to tell you all kinds of things but I think that you should try the experience for yourself. I really do. Just try it out and see what happens. You can't know how things are going to be until you try it. Everyone is going to have a different experience in their life when it comes to different things. Good luck to you. There will always be uncertainty. My grandfather always told me to expect the best but prepare for the worst.
Good luck.

thank you for your kind words

 

[makethepainstop]

got sn and other stuff for it in the matter of few days: meto and propranolol. so, i have everything, except the will to do it. last weekend i was rationalizing ctb by jumping, got euphoric feeling then i ordered my SN, and here we are... my SI is off the charts, also my dearest friend was here for me for this week, which did not "help", i feel bad even telling her about it, and actually doing it feels unreal now. i think i will go to psych ward (can anyone with experience tell me, does it even worth it? like, could they prescribe me something heavier than prozac, what was your overall feeling while at it)
i do not feel like i'm okay nor in good mind to trust myself, and "changing my mind" about ctb is not a good expression since i will be keeping my 500 gm SN with other medication for the moment i'm ready, because i do not feel like anything would help but i also can not bring myself to end things right now. so, next question: does my SN looks okay? how much u think it would last? looks like it has oxygen inside (and lumps too), which i do not like... i could, of cource, buy another one but i rather not, and have everything i need the next moment i will feel the need to actually go View attachment 100028
this is a mess of a post, i will be making one latter in the "recovery" section, but, if u wanna pm me, feel free to do so

How I envy you!