nitrogenous
Just wanna break free of all suffering
- Dec 26, 2025
- 163
I fucking hate my life. Got confidentiality broken on me again but instead of the ambulance, the police came and they took my SN away. It was very unexpected as I didn't know anyone was coming to my house and didn't have any indications that I would have confidentiality broken. At first, they wouldn't even fucking tell me who called them. When the police arrive, they bribed me that if I give the SN to them they'd send me to another hospital other than the one that I've always been to previously as that hospital is useless as fuck, if any they always make me more suicidal afterwards. It's filled with people who have no compassion or empathy at all. I really regret giving the SN to the police, I'm such an idiot. I wasn't sure if they have rights to take it out of me if I didn't comply and I know I probably had no chance of running away as they were packed with tasers etc on them. I got discharged roughly 6 hours after getting to this other hospital and it was definitely better than the usual hospital, but still got told "you can kill yourself tomorrow if you want to, it's your life" "you're so young, you don't know anything" "we can't help with anything but you can get through this". Really considering reordering the sodium nitrite at this point cause I really don't have anything to lose ugh. I don't know if that's wise of me to order it now though, or if I should wait for another mental health episode/when I'm in desperation. Wish I had taken the SN before they came fuck this. My medical team will fucking blame me for this because they really hate me getting care outside of them and even told me to fake my suicidality to everyone else.
i'm so sorry you experienced this
