Apostle
Student
- Apr 17, 2019
- 129
This morning I finally managed to get out of bed on time to carry out my plan, to go to the store and buy a rope to hang from. Things definitely didn't go the way I wanted, far from it, but I guess I made it in the end. Since I can't tell this to anyone else, might as well talk about my day on here. Not much of a story at all, but when your life is this uneventful, anything can be notable I suppose. And the close calls I experienced are a good warning to anyone else who may be in a similar position. If you need to get a rope in the same way I got one, please plan your trip much more carefully than I did. I got away with it, but I really shouldn't have. I just happened to have a lucky streak, and was dangerously close to being outed as suicidal to my family.
I was alone, with hours to myself, which is what I had been waiting for. I stepped out at a time that I deemed appropriate, turned on Google Maps, and headed straight for the store. A pretty simple task for anyone else, but even with constant directions to a store that's only an hour's walk away, I managed to get disoriented many times. I'm just that mentally challenged, I guess. It took long enough that I had to pee and eventually couldn't hold it in anymore. I wasn't going to make it to the store, or any store, so I begrudgingly resorted to whipping my dick out and pissing in a bush...in public. I'm not proud of that, but I suppose either no one saw me or no one cared, because I got out of there scot-free. It slowed me down a fair bit, though, and I had a lot of trouble crossing the highway that came right before the store. The crosswalks were very far away with the route I was on, and I got pretty confused about which way the nearest one was. A guy even got away with sprinting across in the middle of the highway, but despite my desire to copy him, I lacked the balls to go through with it. It was already well-past my intended time to reach the store, so when I finally found a spot to cross, I rushed over there.
Immediately, I was stopped at the door with a bunch of offers, and my anxiety and lack of nerve prevented me from just saying no or walking past the guy, so I awkwardly stood there to let him finish, wasting yet more time. Unable to find the advertised rope I came for, I found the closest one to it, as the clock was really ticking for me to get back home. A wiser man would've simply left and tried this again later, but I was carelessly and blindly committed to getting this done. So I took it to checkout, failing miserably to look calm and innocent, though the cashier didn't seem to mind. I hurried out the door and put Google Maps back on, setting it to point me back home...but it wasn't behaving the same as it was on the trip to the store. It seemed to be glitching up, giving me multiple weird pathways that didn't match up to the route I took previously, and I kept trying to reroute and recenter it, but it constantly changed its mind about where I was, which way I was facing, where I was going, and how far I was. No idea what went wrong and I couldn't fix it, causing me to go around in circles idiotically. As far as I could tell, it was utter nonsense, and I knew I was too directionally clueless to get back home anytime soon by memory.
I panicked, as it was now past the time that my father would arrive at home, plus my phone was dying. I tried hard to follow the screwy, ever-changing directions for about another half-hour but wasn't getting anywhere. I knew I was fucked if my phone died so I resorted to calling my dad, with the simple excuse that I took a long walk and got lost. I shoved the rope into my shirt, under my armpit, which didn't really hide it, but I was pretty goddamned desperate at this point. While I headed over to a spot where I could be found and picked up, I was paranoid that I looked like I was hiding a gun or a bag of drugs or something, but luckily nobody batted an eye. Still, I didn't know what to do or say when I got picked up and was pretty fucking nervous. My dad showed up quickly to get me, bless him, and I apologized for the trouble, avoiding acknowledgment of the big mysterious lump in my armpit. Shockingly enough, he didn't go very far into questioning this suspicious "walk," why I was lost, or even what was in my armpit...I'm actually not even sure he noticed, and I'm telling you it was pretty easy to spot. He actually didn't mind picking me up, even offered lunch, but I quickly insisted to go home. I braced myself for the unanswerable "why?" I would inevitably hear, but instead he assumed, out loud, that I probably needed the washroom. I couldn't believe he gave me my own excuse like that, but I wasn't complaining. He took me home, even walked back to the house with me, but I managed to conceal the rope long enough to get it to my room at last. Conveniently, I also ended up needing to piss again so I didn't even have to fake that. The rest of the evening was normal, with no mention of any of this.
The moral of this story: Underestimating time and difficulty in any risky situation is BAD. If you're like me, as in, you don't get out much, don't know your way around, and place all your faith in Google Maps for navigation...Practice this shit. Plot a very specific course and know exactly where you're going. Visit the store in advance, if you can, so you know what they really have, not just what the site says they have. Get some good explanations and excuses ready in case you have to hide or lie in order to get through it. I did none of that, and now you know how many risks I created, and how narrowly I evaded being found out. Be well-prepared for every part of your ctb plan, even the seemingly simple stuff, because things can always go wrong and you might not be that lucky. Please don't rush anything in this delicate, dangerous process, regardless of what stage or what method your ctb is. I certainly won't from now on, now that I have to start practicing and testing with my new rope. I hope all of you will be careful to ensure you find the peace you're looking for, as I try to do the same. Thanks for listening.
I was alone, with hours to myself, which is what I had been waiting for. I stepped out at a time that I deemed appropriate, turned on Google Maps, and headed straight for the store. A pretty simple task for anyone else, but even with constant directions to a store that's only an hour's walk away, I managed to get disoriented many times. I'm just that mentally challenged, I guess. It took long enough that I had to pee and eventually couldn't hold it in anymore. I wasn't going to make it to the store, or any store, so I begrudgingly resorted to whipping my dick out and pissing in a bush...in public. I'm not proud of that, but I suppose either no one saw me or no one cared, because I got out of there scot-free. It slowed me down a fair bit, though, and I had a lot of trouble crossing the highway that came right before the store. The crosswalks were very far away with the route I was on, and I got pretty confused about which way the nearest one was. A guy even got away with sprinting across in the middle of the highway, but despite my desire to copy him, I lacked the balls to go through with it. It was already well-past my intended time to reach the store, so when I finally found a spot to cross, I rushed over there.
Immediately, I was stopped at the door with a bunch of offers, and my anxiety and lack of nerve prevented me from just saying no or walking past the guy, so I awkwardly stood there to let him finish, wasting yet more time. Unable to find the advertised rope I came for, I found the closest one to it, as the clock was really ticking for me to get back home. A wiser man would've simply left and tried this again later, but I was carelessly and blindly committed to getting this done. So I took it to checkout, failing miserably to look calm and innocent, though the cashier didn't seem to mind. I hurried out the door and put Google Maps back on, setting it to point me back home...but it wasn't behaving the same as it was on the trip to the store. It seemed to be glitching up, giving me multiple weird pathways that didn't match up to the route I took previously, and I kept trying to reroute and recenter it, but it constantly changed its mind about where I was, which way I was facing, where I was going, and how far I was. No idea what went wrong and I couldn't fix it, causing me to go around in circles idiotically. As far as I could tell, it was utter nonsense, and I knew I was too directionally clueless to get back home anytime soon by memory.
I panicked, as it was now past the time that my father would arrive at home, plus my phone was dying. I tried hard to follow the screwy, ever-changing directions for about another half-hour but wasn't getting anywhere. I knew I was fucked if my phone died so I resorted to calling my dad, with the simple excuse that I took a long walk and got lost. I shoved the rope into my shirt, under my armpit, which didn't really hide it, but I was pretty goddamned desperate at this point. While I headed over to a spot where I could be found and picked up, I was paranoid that I looked like I was hiding a gun or a bag of drugs or something, but luckily nobody batted an eye. Still, I didn't know what to do or say when I got picked up and was pretty fucking nervous. My dad showed up quickly to get me, bless him, and I apologized for the trouble, avoiding acknowledgment of the big mysterious lump in my armpit. Shockingly enough, he didn't go very far into questioning this suspicious "walk," why I was lost, or even what was in my armpit...I'm actually not even sure he noticed, and I'm telling you it was pretty easy to spot. He actually didn't mind picking me up, even offered lunch, but I quickly insisted to go home. I braced myself for the unanswerable "why?" I would inevitably hear, but instead he assumed, out loud, that I probably needed the washroom. I couldn't believe he gave me my own excuse like that, but I wasn't complaining. He took me home, even walked back to the house with me, but I managed to conceal the rope long enough to get it to my room at last. Conveniently, I also ended up needing to piss again so I didn't even have to fake that. The rest of the evening was normal, with no mention of any of this.
The moral of this story: Underestimating time and difficulty in any risky situation is BAD. If you're like me, as in, you don't get out much, don't know your way around, and place all your faith in Google Maps for navigation...Practice this shit. Plot a very specific course and know exactly where you're going. Visit the store in advance, if you can, so you know what they really have, not just what the site says they have. Get some good explanations and excuses ready in case you have to hide or lie in order to get through it. I did none of that, and now you know how many risks I created, and how narrowly I evaded being found out. Be well-prepared for every part of your ctb plan, even the seemingly simple stuff, because things can always go wrong and you might not be that lucky. Please don't rush anything in this delicate, dangerous process, regardless of what stage or what method your ctb is. I certainly won't from now on, now that I have to start practicing and testing with my new rope. I hope all of you will be careful to ensure you find the peace you're looking for, as I try to do the same. Thanks for listening.
