Got my N

[Fragile]

a few days ago i received my N, and I've never felt such calm and soothing feeling in my life. almost like a dream come true, and in a way this is the only goal in my life that I've actually accomplished.

i was getting ready to accept a painful and unpleasant death, to be scared and anxious at the moment of my exit and possibly fail and suffer from the aftermath.

but now i have in my hands the golden ticket, the ferrari of suicide methods, my peaceful pill. the only dream that came to reality.

this gives me such a sense of control that i'm willing to wait a bit longer and see how things turn out, not too long of course, i've always known that suicide is the only way that this is going to end, but long enough to experience some things that i want, to distance myself from others, to lower my tolerance to benzos and alcohol, and to find some answers that i need to know before i'm gone.

thanks for reading, this is a victory that i can't share with anyone outside of this forum. i'm really grateful for having found this place.

 

[faust]

Oh, I imagine this moment, holding a method in my hands, knowing, that all the struggles will fade away...
Glad you got what you needed and that it made you feel better
Sending love!
P.S. A or C?

 

[Supertramp]

I'm immensely jealous and also extremely happy for you. I wish I could manage to get my hands on some as well. I would take it immediately without a second thought.

 

[Fragile]

Oh, I imagine this moment, holding a method in my hands, knowing, that all the struggles will fade away...
Glad you got what you needed and that it made you feel better
Sending love!
P.S. A or C?

Thanks!

oh and it was not A or B or C, the KGB or the LGBT, i just live in a latin american country.

 

[faust]

Thanks!

oh and it was not A or B or C, the KGB or the LGBT, i just live in a latin american country.

Oh, I am considering going to Mexico. Although we have no information considering Columbia or Bolivia. Hope will find it very fast, fingers crossed

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Congrats !!! I wish you the best, whatever you decide.

 

[Fragile]

I'm immensely jealous and also extremely happy for you. I wish I could manage to get my hands on some as well. I would take it immediately without a second thought.

i'll admit that the thought of taking it crossed my mind for a second, i have everything that i need after all, but the hope of doing the things i want before i go is stronger.

 

[Supertramp]

i'll admit that the thought of taking it crossed my mind for a second, i have everything that i need after all, but the hope of doing the things i want before i go is stronger.

I don't know if you got a testing kit, but it might be a good idea to test it as well before use. I am glad that you are taking time to do things before your time. I hope that maybe you decide that you have many years left.

 

[anthrax101]

I have actually considered breaking into a veterinary clinic a few cities over just so that I can gain access to their medications and take just one whole bottle of N and then quietly leave. After considering it though, I always remind myself that I am not that type of person and no matter what I could not ever steal medications from a pharmacy or veterinary clinic just for my own help with CTB'ing. I do wish however that I had a friend that was a vet so that I coluld ask if they could give me a hand. I used to have a buddy who worked with a veterinary clinic and the bottles of N that they have available are in GALLON JARS that you can pump directly into a syringe because each gallon container has a tube that goes all the way down to the bottom, and at the top is a luer lock for a syrinnge so if you need to dose how much medication you need you just connect a luer-lock syringe and pull back until you have enough medication inside of your syringe and can just disconnect it and proceed with the euthranasia in the office. These vet clinics are able to purchase it gallons at a time and we have so many problems just finding 5g worth of it to help us CTB.

Euthanasia should be included in the 4th/8th amendments of the Constitution because if we have access to N then the only physical harm we are causing is to ourselves, and in our minds it's not even harmful but peaceful and an answer to a desperately needed action.

 

[Emily123]

I am happy for you . I also have the dream to find N but I have always been usuccessful . it seems , my death should also be painful as much as my life was

 

[AlreadyGone]

Congrats!

 

[Fragile]

i'm going to test an extremely low dose to see if the taste is as bad as what some people describe and to also know how sedating it is.

...

The taste is horrible, it may be because mine is very concentrated and has phenytoin, but just a few drops almost made me choke, and i usually like bitter flavors. i can't imagine taking the whole 50 ml in one gulp.

still, i'm glad that i have it and that the taste will be my only issue.

 

[anthrax101]

I would consider trying to mask the flavor by mixing it in with pepto bismol or something similar since the calcium in the pepto tends to mask a lot of bitter tastes in my experience. Back 15 years ago when I was on drugs and doing cold water extractions on hydrocodone and oxycodone pills the taste was horrid but mixed with pepto I didn't even taste the liquid at all...just pepto. Granted I don't much care for the taste of that pink goop but it was much more tolerable than the CWE water.

 

[Fragile]

I would consider trying to mask the flavor by mixing it in with pepto bismol or something similar since the calcium in the pepto tends to mask a lot of bitter tastes in my experience. Back 15 years ago when I was on drugs and doing cold water extractions on hydrocodone and oxycodone pills the taste was horrid but mixed with pepto I didn't even taste the liquid at all...just pepto. Granted I don't much care for the taste of that pink goop but it was much more tolerable than the CWE water.

that's an interesting suggestion and could work, but this is unlike nothing i've ever tasted. could be because of the concentration or the added liquids to make it an intravenous solution, but the bitterness is just too much to mask with something else.

however, i could see myself swallowing 50 ml of this liquid and keeping it down simply because i see it as a small price to pay for a relatively comfortable death, the real issue would be having to swallow even more bitter stuff and ending up vomiting, that's something that i can't risk.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I have actually considered breaking into a veterinary clinic a few cities over just so that I can gain access to their medications and take just one whole bottle of N and then quietly leave. After considering it though, I always remind myself that I am not that type of person and no matter what I could not ever steal medications from a pharmacy or veterinary clinic just for my own help with CTB'ing. I do wish however that I had a friend that was a vet so that I coluld ask if they could give me a hand. I used to have a buddy who worked with a veterinary clinic and the bottles of N that they have available are in GALLON JARS that you can pump directly into a syringe because each gallon container has a tube that goes all the way down to the bottom, and at the top is a luer lock for a syrinnge so if you need to dose how much medication you need you just connect a luer-lock syringe and pull back until you have enough medication inside of your syringe and can just disconnect it and proceed with the euthranasia in the office. These vet clinics are able to purchase it gallons at a time and we have so many problems just finding 5g worth of it to help us CTB.

Euthanasia should be included in the 4th/8th amendments of the Constitution because if we have access to N then the only physical harm we are causing is to ourselves, and in our minds it's not even harmful but peaceful and an answer to a desperately needed action.

We live in such an inhumane and infantilizing world. The fact that the people in charge are like "no, no, no little one... you can't kill yourself and we're going to put the N up in the cabinet where you can't reach it" is infuriating

 

[Jumper Geo]

Thanks!

oh and it was not A or B or C, the KGB or the LGBT, i just live in a latin american country.

Can we all come and have a holiday with you, lol. If you found it easier to get you could cash in and be an unofficial Dignitas, there was a thread where a women had N and she couldn't drink it because of the really bitter taste so was looking for alternative options to get the N into her body to keep her from throwing up, she looked at enemas and iv so good luck.

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

Congrats to the OP.

I wish I could order N from A but I can't imagine the N arriving in Europa with all the fuckery that is going on currently. I can't just spend almost a grand and hope it will arrive.

 

[oneside]

Congrats!! Wish I had the same pill with me. Can you tell how much did you pay ?