Hi everyone,
First time posting. I've been on here for a few months now and after my recent experience with the Australian authorities I thought I'd share it here where I think people are more understanding of my situation.
So I've spent probably 2 months scouring the internet for SN. I first found TIG and placed an order but after reading about the welfare checks that other users here had I emailed TIG and cancelled the order.
I realised I needed to find a domestic seller to avoid border patrol sending a welfare check. I found an Australian chemical supplier, however, after placing the order they asked me to fill out legal poison documents to verify why I wanted it and what company I worked for - so I gave up on that avenue.
FINALLY, I found an Australian company who sold 99% pure SN with no documentation required. I ordered it and I SUCCEEDED! No welfare check! The package arrived at my front door with confirmation from Australia Post. I went to the front door and to my surprise there was nothing there. I checked the kitchen and around the house in case my mum had brought in the package - nothing, no one home. I called Australia Post to confirm it was delivered and they confirmed it and described my front door to make sure it was delivered to the right house - it was.
Turns out my mum was heading out just after the SN was delivered and saw it at the front door, opened it, googled it and while I was searching for the package she was at the hospital asking them what to do. Next thing an ambulance, 3 police cars and a firetruck showed up at my house and 6 police officers walked in the front door. Turns out if you are suicidal you have no rights. You can't refuse their entry because they said they would have to kick down the door down. They said they would be taking me to the hospital to speak to a psychiatrist and I am not allowed to refuse because I am now under a mental health act schedule.
I did try the old using SN to cure meat trick but they didn't believe that and the psychiatrist at the hospital said I wasn't going home and took me upstairs to the Psych Ward. They took aware my phone and laptop, said I could have them back once I'm reviewed in a couple of days by a doctor and until then play nice with the other inmates. The psych ward was a giant rectangle prison with bedrooms all around the outside and a single TV and coffee machine in the middle.
I was told I wasn't going home until I "showed signs of improvement". See in the lead up to taking SN I was preparing myself by making myself as miserable as possible to hopefully overcome my SI and go through with SN. So I stopped showering, changing my clothes, brushing my teeth and wasn't eating much. And I was quite happy not eating much because I wanted my money to last as long as it could before I CBT'd and didn't want to waste it eating 3 full meals a day. But these were problems the hospital needed to "fix" to let me go home.
I agree with the doctors that I'm severely depressed but that isn't going to be fixed by showering and eating my vegetables. I'm already at the point of planning my suicide so I can't say I had anything better to do outside the hospital so I reluctantly accepted my stay and settled in. After the review with the doctors, they let me use my laptop and phone so I could lay in bed and watch YouTube like I was doing at home anyway.
I had my own bedroom, ensuite, fast wifi, free food and apple juice so it wasn't that bad. I definitely developed stockholm syndrome. The doctors review you twice a week, otherwise you are just stuck inside a giant box with nothing to do but watch TV in the main area of go on your own phone or laptop if you had one (luckily I decided to bring my laptop and charger with me when the police showed up at my door). Even though I settled in and firmly believe the psych ward was helping absolutely no one!! Luckily, I was severely depressed and only wanted to lay in bed all day and watch YouTube because if I was locked in there and was interested in seeing friends, exercising, swimming, getting sunlight or wasn't fully entertained by my laptop like a lot of people I would go insane!!!
In the psych ward you are not allowed caffeine (the machine is decaf), only allowed to eat what they serve and they treat you like a criminal. Walk past your room every 30 minutes and shine a flashlight through the window to check on you and every night they do room inspections, search through your laundry, bathroom, bed to check for contraband and dangerous items like razorblades. I always found the room checks funny because I wasn't allowed out of the ward and literally just watched YouTube all day on my bed - I haven't moved all day - why are you asking me if I have contraband! - Same as yesterday. You are also not allowed on your phone or laptop from 8pm - 9am because they want to encourage "good sleep" - They lock your devices away in their office. Luckily, I figured out pretty quickly when they asked for my phone at night I'd tell them it was already in the office and then charge it during the daytime when different nurses were working. So I got to stay on my phone til I wanted to go to bed. On my last night though, they knew I had my phone that night so I had to give it over and having no stimulation from 8pm-9am was not fun as silly as it sounds. Because it's literally just a giant box, if you wake up at 6am or earlier what do you do! No books, no outside, just florescent lights and white walls.
Anyway they kept my there for 1 month. I'm out now, back home. Still planning on killing myself, but I've set the date for December so I wasn't to fussed when they released me. I eventually told the doctors I bought the SN for suicide but gave no details, said I didn't know much about it, didn't know how much to take or any plan and that I didn't know if I would go through with it. They also forced me to take anti-depressants or they wouldn't let me go. I really wanted to tell them in my bi-weekly reviews that I am still planning on killing myself but I knew I couldn't. I was already living the punishment of people knowing I am suicidal, I couldn't imagine what they would do to me if they knew nothing had changed. Maybe they would take away my devices, keep me locked up indefinitely.
The doctors always wanted to know what I plan to do with my life - work or study. They thought it was concerning I didn't want to work. They can't accept when someone just wants to die. They must work and pay taxes.
The scariest part of all of this was realising I am not allowed to die, I don't have a right. I've been suicidal for years on and off and always thought if I came to the point of going through with suicide I would, it's my choice but not according to the world. No matter what you have done or who you are you must live, work and pay taxes, you do not get a say.
Anyway if anyone has read this - thank you :).
First time posting. I've been on here for a few months now and after my recent experience with the Australian authorities I thought I'd share it here where I think people are more understanding of my situation.
So I've spent probably 2 months scouring the internet for SN. I first found TIG and placed an order but after reading about the welfare checks that other users here had I emailed TIG and cancelled the order.
I realised I needed to find a domestic seller to avoid border patrol sending a welfare check. I found an Australian chemical supplier, however, after placing the order they asked me to fill out legal poison documents to verify why I wanted it and what company I worked for - so I gave up on that avenue.
FINALLY, I found an Australian company who sold 99% pure SN with no documentation required. I ordered it and I SUCCEEDED! No welfare check! The package arrived at my front door with confirmation from Australia Post. I went to the front door and to my surprise there was nothing there. I checked the kitchen and around the house in case my mum had brought in the package - nothing, no one home. I called Australia Post to confirm it was delivered and they confirmed it and described my front door to make sure it was delivered to the right house - it was.
Turns out my mum was heading out just after the SN was delivered and saw it at the front door, opened it, googled it and while I was searching for the package she was at the hospital asking them what to do. Next thing an ambulance, 3 police cars and a firetruck showed up at my house and 6 police officers walked in the front door. Turns out if you are suicidal you have no rights. You can't refuse their entry because they said they would have to kick down the door down. They said they would be taking me to the hospital to speak to a psychiatrist and I am not allowed to refuse because I am now under a mental health act schedule.
I did try the old using SN to cure meat trick but they didn't believe that and the psychiatrist at the hospital said I wasn't going home and took me upstairs to the Psych Ward. They took aware my phone and laptop, said I could have them back once I'm reviewed in a couple of days by a doctor and until then play nice with the other inmates. The psych ward was a giant rectangle prison with bedrooms all around the outside and a single TV and coffee machine in the middle.
I was told I wasn't going home until I "showed signs of improvement". See in the lead up to taking SN I was preparing myself by making myself as miserable as possible to hopefully overcome my SI and go through with SN. So I stopped showering, changing my clothes, brushing my teeth and wasn't eating much. And I was quite happy not eating much because I wanted my money to last as long as it could before I CBT'd and didn't want to waste it eating 3 full meals a day. But these were problems the hospital needed to "fix" to let me go home.
I agree with the doctors that I'm severely depressed but that isn't going to be fixed by showering and eating my vegetables. I'm already at the point of planning my suicide so I can't say I had anything better to do outside the hospital so I reluctantly accepted my stay and settled in. After the review with the doctors, they let me use my laptop and phone so I could lay in bed and watch YouTube like I was doing at home anyway.
I had my own bedroom, ensuite, fast wifi, free food and apple juice so it wasn't that bad. I definitely developed stockholm syndrome. The doctors review you twice a week, otherwise you are just stuck inside a giant box with nothing to do but watch TV in the main area of go on your own phone or laptop if you had one (luckily I decided to bring my laptop and charger with me when the police showed up at my door). Even though I settled in and firmly believe the psych ward was helping absolutely no one!! Luckily, I was severely depressed and only wanted to lay in bed all day and watch YouTube because if I was locked in there and was interested in seeing friends, exercising, swimming, getting sunlight or wasn't fully entertained by my laptop like a lot of people I would go insane!!!
In the psych ward you are not allowed caffeine (the machine is decaf), only allowed to eat what they serve and they treat you like a criminal. Walk past your room every 30 minutes and shine a flashlight through the window to check on you and every night they do room inspections, search through your laundry, bathroom, bed to check for contraband and dangerous items like razorblades. I always found the room checks funny because I wasn't allowed out of the ward and literally just watched YouTube all day on my bed - I haven't moved all day - why are you asking me if I have contraband! - Same as yesterday. You are also not allowed on your phone or laptop from 8pm - 9am because they want to encourage "good sleep" - They lock your devices away in their office. Luckily, I figured out pretty quickly when they asked for my phone at night I'd tell them it was already in the office and then charge it during the daytime when different nurses were working. So I got to stay on my phone til I wanted to go to bed. On my last night though, they knew I had my phone that night so I had to give it over and having no stimulation from 8pm-9am was not fun as silly as it sounds. Because it's literally just a giant box, if you wake up at 6am or earlier what do you do! No books, no outside, just florescent lights and white walls.
Anyway they kept my there for 1 month. I'm out now, back home. Still planning on killing myself, but I've set the date for December so I wasn't to fussed when they released me. I eventually told the doctors I bought the SN for suicide but gave no details, said I didn't know much about it, didn't know how much to take or any plan and that I didn't know if I would go through with it. They also forced me to take anti-depressants or they wouldn't let me go. I really wanted to tell them in my bi-weekly reviews that I am still planning on killing myself but I knew I couldn't. I was already living the punishment of people knowing I am suicidal, I couldn't imagine what they would do to me if they knew nothing had changed. Maybe they would take away my devices, keep me locked up indefinitely.
The doctors always wanted to know what I plan to do with my life - work or study. They thought it was concerning I didn't want to work. They can't accept when someone just wants to die. They must work and pay taxes.
The scariest part of all of this was realising I am not allowed to die, I don't have a right. I've been suicidal for years on and off and always thought if I came to the point of going through with suicide I would, it's my choice but not according to the world. No matter what you have done or who you are you must live, work and pay taxes, you do not get a say.
Anyway if anyone has read this - thank you :).
