steviewonder
Sexually Challenged
- Nov 9, 2020
- 109
After 23 years of pain, suffering and loneliness, I will finally end it tomorrow night by taking N. My entire life is completely cursed. My family will go through devastation for years, but I will have 7 decades of torture if I stay here.
I was always the odd one out socially, girls never liked me, I never had real friends. But it's not just being alone, its the way people look and talk to me. I'm treated like dogshit by almost everyone. Because of my autism, everywhere I go, I'm at the bottom of the group. No one treats me with any respect no matter how hard I work, and everyone treats me like I'm incompetent, thus lowering my prospects for promotion inside work.
During university, I had been living with housemates, two of which treated me like a cunt. They had girlfriends, and I had to hear them having sex while I was still not just a virgin, but a social reject who women hate. The feelings I feel when I realize people from secondary school are having things I will never have is soul crushing.
Two years ago while still with my housemates, my life got infinitely worse. I had developed insomnia from an injury I got from the gym. This had lead me till this day to have 4 hours of sleep per night. Totally removing all energy I have, and removing all fun and joy as I'm too tired for any dopamine hits. No friends, no girlfriends, no fun, no happiness. Only torture.
Then, finally, 4 weeks ago, my life was totally Hiroshima'd. I cannot tell you what happened, but if the above paragraphs don't give you enough reason to end it, I promise you this will.
Coupled with the above problems, I also have a range of other mental health disorders which limit my ability to do anything in life. My anxiety makes me a submissive person and is why people find it so easy to mock me and treat me like shit in group settings. My anxiety also prevents me from driving as it's too dangerous for me to be behind a wheel. Additionally, it makes life very uncomfortable in general as when I'm in work, I'm constantly worried about performance, the way people see me, and whether I'm going to get fired or not.
The thing that's true suicide fuel however, is watching porn. Because when I watch those women moaning in happiness getting fucked by a decent man, I know I'll never get anything like that. My parents had no business having children of any kind. No business at all.
I was always the odd one out socially, girls never liked me, I never had real friends. But it's not just being alone, its the way people look and talk to me. I'm treated like dogshit by almost everyone. Because of my autism, everywhere I go, I'm at the bottom of the group. No one treats me with any respect no matter how hard I work, and everyone treats me like I'm incompetent, thus lowering my prospects for promotion inside work.
During university, I had been living with housemates, two of which treated me like a cunt. They had girlfriends, and I had to hear them having sex while I was still not just a virgin, but a social reject who women hate. The feelings I feel when I realize people from secondary school are having things I will never have is soul crushing.
Two years ago while still with my housemates, my life got infinitely worse. I had developed insomnia from an injury I got from the gym. This had lead me till this day to have 4 hours of sleep per night. Totally removing all energy I have, and removing all fun and joy as I'm too tired for any dopamine hits. No friends, no girlfriends, no fun, no happiness. Only torture.
Then, finally, 4 weeks ago, my life was totally Hiroshima'd. I cannot tell you what happened, but if the above paragraphs don't give you enough reason to end it, I promise you this will.
Coupled with the above problems, I also have a range of other mental health disorders which limit my ability to do anything in life. My anxiety makes me a submissive person and is why people find it so easy to mock me and treat me like shit in group settings. My anxiety also prevents me from driving as it's too dangerous for me to be behind a wheel. Additionally, it makes life very uncomfortable in general as when I'm in work, I'm constantly worried about performance, the way people see me, and whether I'm going to get fired or not.
The thing that's true suicide fuel however, is watching porn. Because when I watch those women moaning in happiness getting fucked by a decent man, I know I'll never get anything like that. My parents had no business having children of any kind. No business at all.
Last edited:
.
