AbusedInnocent
Enemy brain ain't cooperating
- Apr 5, 2024
- 255
Life is truly absurd, guess it's time to go, here's what happened.
Basically I asked my mother to support me and take my mental health seriously because my depression and anhedonia won't allow me to finish high school no matter how hard I try, this turned into a heated argument as she claims that only I can help myself and she is only responsible to provide for my biological needs (food and water) and that I should be grateful for it, and that her offering me advice without any kind of support is the best she will do, she still makes everything my fault, of the other things she said is that I complain too much and that she only wished I was dead "once", she says that I'm too much of a financial burden on her and am obligated to give back to her, said she has the right to physically assault me as she pleases, refused to listen to my argument that my problems are a result of her selfish decision to procreate, she says I'm weak and lazy because I lack motivation even though I've tried everything to try to find joy in anything, she really doesn't mind if I die or CTB as well, finally she kicked me out of the house, all of this happened with one of my mother's friends present and she supported her all the way and claimed that her kids are obligated to respect her as well no matter how little she provides for them.
Let me tell you some of my mother's wonderful arguments:
"I was born without my consent as well so we're all only responsible for ourselves" your parents did you the ultimate harm by bringing you into existence and you still respect them because you're a dumbass, I won't make the same mistake.
"I can't solve your problems for you so I'm not responsible for them" wow messing things up beyond repair makes you not responsible, I burned your house down but I can't afford to buy you a new one so I'm not actually responsible for burning your house down.
"God will punish you in life for not being satisfied with it" how merciful of him.
"You can't compare being born then asking for full support from your parents to getting hit by a car and asking for the driver to pay your medical bills, because bringing you into existence was intentional and not an accident" if you harm others by accident you're responsible but if you harm them intentionally you're not? So if you hit someone with your car intentionally you're not responsible?
And they say my logic is flawed.
My mother and her friend say I'm too much of a coward to CTB, I'll prove them wrong, there's no way I could fail the SN method.
The absurd thing is, I got my SN 2 weeks ago, got metoclopramide 2 days ago, tested the SN and burned all my personal notes, formatted my flash drives and hard drives yesterday, my intuition was correct, I actually dodged a bullet.
I'm outside, I've fasted for 5 hours now and just took my first 10mg meto, will fast for another 12 hours before drinking the SN, will have to trespass onto public property at night to reach my CTB spot.
For some reason I feel happy, maybe because I will finally be at peace, or maybe because I know I've lived my whole life never having hurt anyone intentionally, having spent all my life minimizing the suffering I could cause others, I'm a good person, I'm innocent but the world has failed me.
I've never really loved anyone but I just want to say that if you're not intentionally hurting others and are tolerant and support human rights then I love you, too bad I've never met a single person that meets these requirements IRL.
Procreation is truly a despicable act, can't believe I had to go through all these years for no reason.
If you have any questions ask away, I have 12 hours to pass.
Basically I asked my mother to support me and take my mental health seriously because my depression and anhedonia won't allow me to finish high school no matter how hard I try, this turned into a heated argument as she claims that only I can help myself and she is only responsible to provide for my biological needs (food and water) and that I should be grateful for it, and that her offering me advice without any kind of support is the best she will do, she still makes everything my fault, of the other things she said is that I complain too much and that she only wished I was dead "once", she says that I'm too much of a financial burden on her and am obligated to give back to her, said she has the right to physically assault me as she pleases, refused to listen to my argument that my problems are a result of her selfish decision to procreate, she says I'm weak and lazy because I lack motivation even though I've tried everything to try to find joy in anything, she really doesn't mind if I die or CTB as well, finally she kicked me out of the house, all of this happened with one of my mother's friends present and she supported her all the way and claimed that her kids are obligated to respect her as well no matter how little she provides for them.
Let me tell you some of my mother's wonderful arguments:
"I was born without my consent as well so we're all only responsible for ourselves" your parents did you the ultimate harm by bringing you into existence and you still respect them because you're a dumbass, I won't make the same mistake.
"I can't solve your problems for you so I'm not responsible for them" wow messing things up beyond repair makes you not responsible, I burned your house down but I can't afford to buy you a new one so I'm not actually responsible for burning your house down.
"God will punish you in life for not being satisfied with it" how merciful of him.
"You can't compare being born then asking for full support from your parents to getting hit by a car and asking for the driver to pay your medical bills, because bringing you into existence was intentional and not an accident" if you harm others by accident you're responsible but if you harm them intentionally you're not? So if you hit someone with your car intentionally you're not responsible?
And they say my logic is flawed.
My mother and her friend say I'm too much of a coward to CTB, I'll prove them wrong, there's no way I could fail the SN method.
The absurd thing is, I got my SN 2 weeks ago, got metoclopramide 2 days ago, tested the SN and burned all my personal notes, formatted my flash drives and hard drives yesterday, my intuition was correct, I actually dodged a bullet.
I'm outside, I've fasted for 5 hours now and just took my first 10mg meto, will fast for another 12 hours before drinking the SN, will have to trespass onto public property at night to reach my CTB spot.
For some reason I feel happy, maybe because I will finally be at peace, or maybe because I know I've lived my whole life never having hurt anyone intentionally, having spent all my life minimizing the suffering I could cause others, I'm a good person, I'm innocent but the world has failed me.
I've never really loved anyone but I just want to say that if you're not intentionally hurting others and are tolerant and support human rights then I love you, too bad I've never met a single person that meets these requirements IRL.
Procreation is truly a despicable act, can't believe I had to go through all these years for no reason.
If you have any questions ask away, I have 12 hours to pass.
