Good aspects of suicidality

[OnMyLast Legs]

Anyone else feel like you finally get it? I'm seeing so clearly how badly I mislived and it seems to be awakening all these good thoughts and feelings in me, just too late. All my benefactors and how little I've done to repay them. All the good times I underappreciated as they were passing. All the good people I thought were inconsequential. I've said this elsewhere, and I've read that it's common among suicides, but I think life is beautiful. I just failed to really participate in it. There are so many people I want to thank and tell that they mattered to me. I wish I had been better for their sake. I wish I had become successful and been able to tell them it was in part because of their help. But for so long I only thought of myself and my bitterness. Yeah, I didn't get what I wanted. That's one thing. What weighs on me now is it I didn't pay what I owed. I'm indebted to so many people who showed me kindness. Where was my gratitude? Where was my humility? They would have made all the difference.

 

[badatparties]

Anyone else feel like you finally get it? I'm seeing so clearly how badly I mislived and it seems to be awakening all these good thoughts and feelings in me, just too late. All my benefactors and how little I've done to repay them. All the good times I underappreciated as they were passing. All the good people I thought were inconsequential. I've said this elsewhere, and I've read that it's common among suicides, but I think life is beautiful. I just failed to really participate in it. There are so many people I want to thank and tell that they mattered to me. I wish I had been better for their sake. I wish I had become successful and been able to tell them it was in part because of their help. But for so long I only thought of myself and my bitterness. Yeah, I didn't get what I wanted. That's one thing. What weighs on me now is it I didn't pay what I owed. I'm indebted to so many people who showed me kindness. Where was my gratitude? Where was my humility? They would have made all the difference.

You want to commit suicide, and you came to the conclusion that life and people are beautiful? Bruh.

 

[capi]

Legs, i relate to your posts a lot. I think life is really beautiful too.
My ctb is the ultimate act of me saying i dont want to try to get better and refusing to live a life with lingering regret. I will end with regret on me and i will never move past that, because i will never grow past my death.
I feel like im betraying everything in life by saying that.

Because thats not what life is.. life is learning to accept and love yourself and change and learning to be content with non attachment.. its life and its beautiful.
and yet.. and yet.

 

[itsgone2]

Anyone else feel like you finally get it? I'm seeing so clearly how badly I mislived and it seems to be awakening all these good thoughts and feelings in me, just too late. All my benefactors and how little I've done to repay them. All the good times I underappreciated as they were passing

Yes. It hurts the most. Knowing I had a good life and i could have been so much happier if i weren't so angry and stupid. I looked past good times too. I was blessed. And I screwed it up. Yes I get it now, and it's too late for me as well

 

[Qilio3]

You want to commit suicide, and you came to the conclusion that life and people are beautiful? Bruh.

One doesn't preclude the other. It's just that some of us don't share the same wonderful life and wonderful people.

Anyone else feel like you finally get it? I'm seeing so clearly how badly I mislived and it seems to be awakening all these good thoughts and feelings in me, just too late. All my benefactors and how little I've done to repay them. All the good times I underappreciated as they were passing. All the good people I thought were inconsequential. I've said this elsewhere, and I've read that it's common among suicides, but I think life is beautiful. I just failed to really participate in it. There are so many people I want to thank and tell that they mattered to me. I wish I had been better for their sake. I wish I had become successful and been able to tell them it was in part because of their help. But for so long I only thought of myself and my bitterness. Yeah, I didn't get what I wanted. That's one thing. What weighs on me now is it I didn't pay what I owed. I'm indebted to so many people who showed me kindness. Where was my gratitude? Where was my humility? They would have made all the difference.

Personally, I've already brushed it off. I put my own benefit above all others. But that doesn't stop you from doing the same.

 

[violetforever]

i'm too emotional right now this made me start crying again some moments i did under appreciate and some i appreciated so much that it's too painful to live with the fact they've passed. i think moments are beautiful but life isn't. that's why i want to end mine still. when i had only read the first sentence of this post i thought you were referring to getting it as in there's no point to life tbh.

 

[finaldestination22]

You want to commit suicide, and you came to the conclusion that life and people are beautiful? Bruh.

You think everyone that CTB do it because the world is a horrible place and all humans are evil?
Sometimes you can be the bad character in the game yo know.

I feel the same as OP even though life threw me some bad cards I had many opportunities to just focus on myself and enjoy the ride but instead I could not get the bitterness out of my soul and it ruined me, probably undiagnosed BPD/OCD helped a lot whit this too. Funny how when life is really though I see the positives of it and when it was way easier I saw only the bad and all my flaws

 

[badatparties]

You think everyone that CTB do it because the world is a horrible place and all humans are evil?
Sometimes you can be the bad character in the game yo know.

I feel the same as OP even though life threw me some bad cards I had many opportunities to just focus on myself and enjoy the ride but instead I could not get the bitterness out of my soul and it ruined me, probably undiagnosed BPD/OCD helped a lot whit this too. Funny how when life is really though I see the positives of it and when it was way easier I saw only the bad and all my flaws

I get it. Lot's of people blame their failures totally on themselves, it's valid. Think of it this way though, he didn't ask for a malfunctioning brain, nature did that to him. Even if he went through a traumatic experience that crippled him, that's still the world fucking him over. It's hard not to see the world as the problem, but that's just me. Just food for thought.