J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Wish me luck pleas
I'll need it
This isn't the way I wanted to ctb but I have no choice
I've reached my breaking point today

I'm gonna go see family one last time
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
Ohhh dear lovely @Jen0804 - this is too sad! What's happened?! I want only the best for you, whatever you decide, but ... Are you sure? Be careful! (((Hugs)))
 
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J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Ohhh dear lovely @Jen0804 - this is too sad! What's happened?! I want only the best for you, whatever you decide, but ... Are you sure? Be careful! (((Hugs)))
I'm sure :( I am a failure. I have had problem upon problem piling up and can never get anything right. I shoulda done it a long time ago I was just trying to hold on in hopes things would work out and so I'd have a chance to talk to a long lost friend one more time but I'm really hurting and feel done

Completely done.. I'm no good and I hate life. I hope it works, I just feel bad because nobody has any idea. My partner just came in to apologise for something but as much as I love them I feel like I've been tipped overboard and I've sn
 
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bluesky1972-2019

bluesky1972-2019

Specialist
May 21, 2019
377
Sorry to hear things have got so bad for you. You will be missed. We are here if you need to talk. I wish you the peace you are seeking. x
 
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T

TenHas

Simple guy whit a many conflicts
Apr 27, 2019
57
I hope @Jen0804 ctb is really what you want..just be sure...have been there and I'm still there, finding every dam day new excuse to see next morning...clock will run out sooner when I was thinking and there won't be any excuses anymore... I'm whit you what ever you do ..
 
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M

Morto

Member
Jul 3, 2019
76
Wish you luck buddy
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
@Jen0804, I'm so so sorry. We're here if you want to talk. I want the best outcomes for you whatever you decide. Have you got all the "ingredients" to follow the suggested regimen? Please be careful ...
 
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phoenixx

phoenixx

Experienced
Apr 8, 2019
261
I'm sorry it has come to this but I wish you all the best and I really hope you finally find peace
 
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SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Visionary
Jun 1, 2019
2,113
Tell me you dont like Brandy and I will tell you I dont have your name tattooed on my arm. [both would be lies]

Seriously Jen, we all have our breaking points, but its true what they say about acting in haste. Sometimes, we just need to stop and take a moment to think clearly. If its what you really really want, fine, I can get that and I wish you a safe journey in your quest to find your own peace.
 
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J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Thanks all
I don't know what to say but my heart feels really heavy. Just laying in bed because I'm exhausted. I'm going to set off into the woods around 7pm tomorrowtvh

Gives me a few hours to rest and prepare

Thank god for this place because i e have been competely alone otherwise
It feels real now. I've had it on my mind so long I'll be glad when it's o
over but I know it's good I do it with a clear head so illl spent the next day seeing people I love and shutting down my email accounts etc

Xx
<3 Soul <3

yes ...
 
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SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Visionary
Jun 1, 2019
2,113
Where does the long lost friend figure in all this? I told a very old long lost friend about my attempt and it seemed to destroy the friendship. That might be in my own mind, I dont know. But contact has been nil ever since.

I hope the ones you care about and those who care about you are onboard with your decision as it will make the act itself less of a strain on you.
 
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thedutchguy

thedutchguy

Slowly drowing
Jun 5, 2019
114
Sorry that life brought you here to this point, Wishing you the best possible outcome for you
 
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J

jake3d

Enlightened
May 29, 2019
1,033
Oh, come on. Don't tell me the doctor has withdrawn your pain meds! Please stay with us, you may find a solution soon.
 
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Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,627
Wish me luck pleas
I'll need it
This isn't the way I wanted to ctb but I have no choice
I've reached my breaking point today

I'm gonna go see family one last time
Lovely @Jen08jen
This situation makes me feel very sad.
I wish i could do or say something that could help.
Please know that you are very much loved here and we will miss you.
Please come back to us if you hopefully change your mind,there is absolutely no shame.
I am sending you,love,peace and safe travels (even though i would love for u to stay) but i respect whatever decision you make xx
 
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Faraway1990

Faraway1990

Student
Jun 2, 2019
195
The way things are going in my life I'll probably be CTB soon I'd ask you think about it make sure it's the right choice for you. And I hope that whatever you decide you find the peace you are looking for. ❤️
 
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J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Hugs

Thanks everyone for making sure I've thought through it properly I really feel like I have. I always come back to this back to suffering and I really feel like life has gone to shit, so has my body and mind,
Don't know what else to say. I'm just thinking of a few people I feel guilty for doing this to and I just think to myself , I never wanted much. In the end nothing worked out and I came do close but all doors are shut in my face now and yeah I'm ready to go

I wish I could hug everyone and say I'm sorry for what's going to happen but everyone has been ignoring me for weeks or months

Don't want any flowers when I'm gone when nobody could spend five mins emailing me :(

Nobody knows who I am who's viewing this but I'm sorry anyway to them all

I'm just reminiscing right now and hoping that in the morning I have a little energy to do last minute prep

I'm grateful to all of you

I'll be back on tomorrow before I set off and destroy my devices
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
My dear and lovely @Jen0804, I wish that the world had been kinder to you. Here are fresh (((hugs))) to keep you safe and cared-for on your way. If you have misgivings or if things don't go to plan, come back to us. We'll think of something together x
 
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T

TimeToDie

Mage
Jun 13, 2019
521
Good luck, Jen.
 
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Faraway1990

Faraway1990

Student
Jun 2, 2019
195
I can relate to a lot of what you write I won't write much because this is your space, but I've tried so much but doors just keep closing and being treated unfairly etc hugs I send you all my best intentions for you to find peace. ❤️
 
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crimea_river

crimea_river

Experienced
May 27, 2019
210
I never interacted with you Jen, not saying that would have made a difference, obviously ;)

However things play out for you going forward, I hope you painlessly find your little clearing in the woods.

Many hugs and much luck.
 
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Alec

Alec

Wizard
Apr 22, 2019
681
I'm thinking of you, and I'm with you - you are not alone!!! Stay strong!❤️❤️❤️
 
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LifeIsNotFun

LifeIsNotFun

Mage
Jun 1, 2019
530
All the best xo
 
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J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Hey

I had to wait and get a better rope
I've taken diazepam and drunk wine to relax myself and have sturdy ones now

So I'm going to listen to some music and when ready just go for it with all I have

Thanks everyone and hopefully bye
If anyone is wondering about the n, I can't wait around for that six weeks would be the end of me. Wishing you well

X
 
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bluesky1972-2019

bluesky1972-2019

Specialist
May 21, 2019
377
Hey

I had to wait and get a better rope
I've taken diazepam and drunk wine to relax myself and have sturdy ones now

So I'm going to listen to some music and when ready just go for it with all I have

Thanks everyone and hopefully bye
If anyone is wondering about the n, I can't wait around for that six weeks would be the end of me. Wishing you well

X
You are brave and will be missed. I hope you find the peace you are seeking. We are all here if you need to talk x
 
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J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Thanks :)

Hugs hugs
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
Wish me luck pleas
I'll need it
This isn't the way I wanted to ctb but I have no choice
I've reached my breaking point today

I'm gonna go see family one last time
Good luck.
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
@Jen0804, I wish the world had been a nicer place for you. (((Hugs))) Journey well
 
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D

done_so_done

Member
Jun 27, 2019
68
Good luck, fellow sufferer...
 
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J

Jen0804

Gone
Feb 24, 2019
261
Ok off I go. I added morphine into the mix so if this doesn't kill me then well I'm double gone
MY heart is racing so it' all working togetherTAKE CARE everyone
 
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Reactions: Ready124, phoenixx, jake3d and 3 others

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