Venting Going to suicide after difficult decision?

[suffocatingseraphim]

I've noticed that I have a tendency to jump towards suicide, or the idea of suicide directly after being told to make an incredibly difficult decision. Or after being given a problem that seems too monumental to tackle alone.
I'm certain this is just my fight or flight immediately choosing to flee, and to avoid the consequences of my actions. It feels cowardly to a fault, but I subconsciously lean into it whenever I'm faced with a certain difficulty. I wish it was easier to problem solve without suicidal ideation, but it just feels like an easy out. In the end, if I did ctb, it would just leave those around me not only with the problem I killed myself to avoid, but with sorting out my death. Which is a lot.
The issue at hand is that I'm being evicted, I can't currently get a job, and I have a very limited amount of time to prepare. It's overwhelming.

I'm not actively going to ctb because of this, but, right now the thought is the only thing I'm finding comfort in.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I almost never agree for someone to ctb and not with you either if it´s your time it´s your time I can´t subjectively know how you feel and no one asked to be born so everyone has the right to die.

But subjectively I wish you had chosen the normal font since I am colorblind so it´s harder for me to read your color on the average white background.