Going to hospital / desperately wanting to recover

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Hi friends old and new.

Some of the old schoolers here know I have had a lot of nasty medical symptoms over the years. This was always my main reason for feeling so low.

This past week I have worsened. I feel my brain deteriorating. I am dizzy 24/7, I have trouble staying on my feet. I can't focus. My mind feels so impaired and foggy. Crushing fatigue. And now these last few days, relentless muscle jerks and twitches. I don't understand what is happening to me as this stuff has always been undiagnosed. My medical visits have turned up nothing in almost 6.5 years now.

I am not afraid of being dead, but I am terrified of a slow decline. There is something eating away at my nervous system/brain function. And it seems hard to believe because I can put on a really good show. In addition, I am still young. So it's like I am getting really bad but appear outwardly more or less normal.

Some small/naive part of me still hopes to beat all this, feel better, and kiss this site goodbye. But I just don't think that's realistic.

Anyway, I am going in to hospital in a minute and I don't mind telling you I am scared. Scared of what they'll find, what they won't find, how my functioning will be once I'm discharged. I will have them run as many tests as possible and hopefully at least find out something at last.

Thank you all for reading, and love to you all.

 

[Symbiote]

We'll be here when you return, hope nothing is added onto your problems.

 

[Isadeth]

I hope the hospital can help you find the answers you're looking for. It's extremely frustrating not knowing the cause of an ailment. ♡

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Scared of what they'll find, what they won't find, how my functioning will be once I'm discharged.

Been there, still kind of am. Good luck. I hope they find something trivial that can be treated.

 

[Leiden]

Im so sorry OP that you are going through all of this. I really hope that the hospital can find out some answers as to why these things are happening to you, and that whatever it is there will be a solution. There is still hope that you can beat this

 

[Meditation guide]

Hi friends old and new.

Some of the old schoolers here know I have had a lot of nasty medical symptoms over the years. This was always my main reason for feeling so low.

This past week I have worsened. I feel my brain deteriorating. I am dizzy 24/7, I have trouble staying on my feet. I can't focus. My mind feels so impaired and foggy. Crushing fatigue. And now these last few days, relentless muscle jerks and twitches. I don't understand what is happening to me as this stuff has always been undiagnosed. My medical visits have turned up nothing in almost 6.5 years now.

I am not afraid of being dead, but I am terrified of a slow decline. There is something eating away at my nervous system/brain function. And it seems hard to believe because I can put on a really good show. In addition, I am still young. So it's like I am getting really bad but appear outwardly more or less normal.

Some small/naive part of me still hopes to beat all this, feel better, and kiss this site goodbye. But I just don't think that's realistic.

Anyway, I am going in to hospital in a minute and I don't mind telling you I am scared. Scared of what they'll find, what they won't find, how my functioning will be once I'm discharged. I will have them run as many tests as possible and hopefully at least find out something at last.

Thank you all for reading, and love to you all.

Good luck, hope you have better luck getting diagnosed than I've had.

 

[AutoTap]

Best of luck. I hope you can figure out what's happening.

 

[Gnip]

Not scared. Bold, audacious, brave and courageous is what I get out of this act, trying to discover the unknown. Get answers. Find out.

 

[whywere]

What you are doing is so courageous and kind to yourself. Please take great care of yourself and get all the care you need. I care and wish you a great outcome!

 

[Weather]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but I'm proud of you for trying to get help again. Doctors fail over and over at diagnostics; I hope you have found someone willing to put in the time and effort this time. Please do update us with what you found out (or did not find out).

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

You are all amazing, that was so touching, thank you. I had my testing and nothing turned up. Despite that, it's still possible I have some kind of motor neuron problem or blood sugar issue. It's also possible I'll never find out what's happening.

Also, and for whatever reason, I get the feeling our world is poisoning us somehow. There are so many millions of people with random symptoms and chronic conditions that defy explanation. I'm one of those people.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Modern life and what many of us have come to see as 'normal' is often characterised by bad health. Too little time outdoors, a bad diet, alcohol, drugs etc...and ofc spending all day sitting down in front of a screen. We are not yet physiologically adapted to thrive in the cultural environment we have created. No judgement there, I'm as guilty as the next person.
A lot of disease is caused by our inability to deal with this in a realistic way, both as individuals and a society. Illness can be really nebulous and hard to pin down, the result of inflammation, metabolic dis-regulation, gut biome destruction and a host of other causal factors all working in concert.
The medical profession is not practically equipped to deal with such inter-linked and ephemeral illness, it's paradigm doesn't even cater to that level of complexity. Very often people that have badly defined illness characterised by idiopathic symptoms are just lumped into the 'it's a mental health issue' bin so that they can be shunted to psych and then conveniently discriminated against by an ill informed consensus. That doesn't mean that mental health issues are not a consideration too, rather that it's a complex issue and often MH issues and physical illness can't be separated.
I'm in a similar position.
Nebulous idiopathic symptoms that the docs don't want to admit I have, so claim it must be caused by depression. The fac that I DO suffer from depression just clouds the waters and makes it easier for them to come to a snap judgement. It really pissed them of when I collected my own clinical information and demonstrated to them that there was an issue that was independent of mental health. Unfortunately it all got a bit lost along the line, partly my fault, partly their discriminatory attitudes once you have a MH label, and now I'm back to square one.

I believe a multi-faceted and holistic approach helps. It's hard work and slow but more reliable than any quick fix. A good diet, exercise, daylight, careful study of how our bodies work, supplementation, carefully considered diagnostics based on research, tertiary specialists instead of secondary care muppets, correct medication and realistic expectations of how the medical system works and what they can help with.

 

[Gnip]

You are all amazing, that was so touching, thank you. I had my testing and nothing turned up. Despite that, it's still possible I have some kind of motor neuron problem or blood sugar issue. It's also possible I'll never find out what's happening.

Also, and for whatever reason, I get the feeling our world is poisoning us somehow. There are so many millions of people with random symptoms and chronic conditions that defy explanation. I'm one of those people.

I was born with medical conditions which would not be codified for ages, and my severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea would not have been discernable in an autopsy, only via a live sleep study.

Among celebrities, Anna Nicole Smith lived and died never knowing she had Hashimoto's, a condition which only was revealed as a result of her autopsy. John Ritter died of an aortic dissection which would have needed to be specifically looked for and pinpointed on a body scan.

So yeah, it certainly is possible that many of us have conditions which may not be codifiable for decades or even centuries.

No question the world is poisoning us in a multitude of ways. High fructose corn syrup is a standard ingredient in the modern food supply which did not exist just a few decades ago. Hummingbirds and orioles will drink it, then drop dead. There are accounts of effortless 100 pound weight losses which only entailed cutting out all HFCS, trans fats, monosodium glutamate and hydrogenated oils. (Food manufacturers are also clever and evil assholes. They will package food which proclaims, "No partially hydrogenated oils!," but then when you read the fine print, you'll see "fully hydrogenated food oil" among the ingredients. And food producers routinely lie brazenly, like when they claim "100% natural," but the first or second ingredient is HFCS.)

Regarding sodium nitrite, SN is used to prevent the development of botulism as well as to CTB. Arsenic can truthfully be used as a food preservative, but does that mean it should be consumed for optimal health?

With individuals, tolerances and reactions can vary wildly, allergies can develop over time and be difficult to diagnose, and a myriad of other changes can take place.


On an episode of "Murder, She Wrote" in the late 1980's, the plot centered on an apparently authentic letter written 200 years earlier by George Washington. The parchment was indeed 200 years old, and the ink was authentic whale oil pen ink. The giveaway that the letter was a forgery? The ink contained MERCURY, which was not in whale oil pen ink 200 years earlier, but abundant in our waters now, thanks to man made pollution from the industrial revolution onward. Mercury is a notorious neurotoxin, which some can tolerate better than others, but damages all life forms.

 

[AutoTap]

I was born with medical conditions which would not be codified for ages, and my severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea would not have been discernable in an autopsy, only via a live sleep study.

Among celebrities, Anna Nicole Smith lived and died never knowing she had Hashimoto's, a condition which only was revealed as a result of her autopsy. John Ritter died of an aortic dissection which would have needed to be specifically looked for and pinpointed on a body scan.

So yeah, it certainly is possible that many of us have conditions which may not be codifiable for decades or even centuries.

No question the world is poisoning us in a multitude of ways. High fructose corn syrup is a standard ingredient in the modern food supply which did not exist just a few decades ago. Hummingbirds and orioles will drink it, then drop dead. There are accounts of effortless 100 pound weight losses which only entailed cutting out all HFCS, trans fats, monosodium glutamate and hydrogenated oils. (Food manufacturers are also clever and evil assholes. They will package food which proclaims, "No partially hydrogenated oils!," but then when you read the fine print, you'll see "fully hydrogenated food oil" among the ingredients. And food producers routinely lie brazenly, like when they claim "100% natural," but the first or second ingredient is HFCS.)

Regarding sodium nitrite, SN is used to prevent the development of botulism as well as to CTB. Arsenic can truthfully be used as a food preservative, but does that mean it should be consumed for optimal health?

With individuals, tolerances and reactions can vary wildly, allergies can develop over time and be difficult to diagnose, and a myriad of other changes can take place.


On an episode of "Murder, She Wrote" in the late 1980's, the plot centered on an apparently authentic letter written 200 years earlier by George Washington. The parchment was indeed 200 years old, and the ink was authentic whale oil pen ink. The giveaway that the letter was a forgery? The ink contained MERCURY, which was not in whale oil pen ink 200 years earlier, but abundant in our waters now, thanks to man made pollution from the industrial revolution onward. Mercury is a notorious neurotoxin, which some can tolerate better than others, but damages all life forms.

I was watching food factory on tv yesterday and almost everything used high fructose corn syrup