Going to CTB as soon as SN gets here

[scottvogel]

I'm expecting my shipment of SN within the next few days. I ordered expedited shipping. Once I do get it, I will quickly CTB. I plan to livestream it and do a real-time experience post here, if that's okay. I plan to engage in risky behavior over the next few days, because I won't be alive to face the consequences.

Why will I CTB? I'm in constant misery. Every moment that I'm alive is torture. All I can think of is that beautiful day when I will finally do it. I hear voices in my head telling me to do it, that I'm worthless and that no one will miss me. I believe them. I really don't think anyone will care, nor will anyone miss me. Sadly, it will be my wife who will likely find my body, and I don't want to do that to her. I might just get a hotel room at some cheap, nasty motel, because why the hell not?

I've been through my state's mental health system. They keep me for a few days and then kick me out. This time, they won't have a chance to get their grubby paws on me. If I livestream it, I really should get a hotel room and do it that way. By the time they find out where I am, it'll be far too late.

I plan to triple the doses listed on this website just so that my body can't fight it off. It'll have no choice but to shut down. That is what I want. Nothing matters to me. My life doesn't matter. My wife doesn't matter. My daughter doesn't matter. I just want to CTB and be done with it.

If I do livestream it (not sure which platform), I will post a link here before i start, with the hopes that I can assist others and to let others see in real time what will happen so that they can make a more informed decision.

It wasn't my choice to come into this world, but it WILL be my choice to leave, on my terms, and hopefully with as little suffering as possible.

 

[TennTrixie]

Just something to consider.... I've read a big problem with SN is vomiting it up before it can work. Tripling the dosage might backfire. I hope you find peace.

 

[scottvogel]

Just something to consider.... I've read a big problem with SN is vomiting it up before it can work. Tripling the dosage might backfire. I hope you find peace.

Yeah, I've read that too. My thinking is that I need to overload my body so that it can't fight it off without too much vomiting. SN is really my only option. And thank you, this will give me the peace that I need.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Wishing you relief and peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope u find peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, I hope that you find peace from the torture.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

I would not recommend tripling the dose. 25g for under 100kg bodyweight and 35g for over 100kg is already an extreme overload. The point of the advised dose is to flood your body with SN (25g is an absurd amount already!). Doing 75g, which is what I'm assuming you're planning on doing, will only render you highly more likely to vomit as you'll not only need more liquid (150ml minimum vs 50ml) but there will be significantly more SN in your stomach making it easier to vomit; more liquid also means it'll be slower to process through to the small intestine (even moreso if you're doing this without AEs like Meto, Dom, or Prochlorp), if it even stays in your stomach for that long.

I would strongly caution against this, and to do more research on the method before proceeding. Dot your i's, cross your T's. SN is reliable, but only if you follow protocol and you do not get found early or call for help. There's no need to do anything extra.

 

[meltskelt]

Yeah, I've read that too. My thinking is that I need to overload my body so that it can't fight it off without too much vomiting. SN is really my only option. And thank you, this will give me the peace that I need.

try buying some medication to avoid vomiting