Rainbowdreamer

Rainbowdreamer

Waiting for the bus in the rain (in the rain)
May 19, 2019
9
My ctb day is still several months away, but I decided to start going through my stuff and trying to purge useless shit. It's a process because I'm very emotionally attached to my shit, but I won't need it when I'm gone, and I don't want to leave my dad and my sister to deal with it.

I've started a list of who I want to get what, and the right of packaging it all up to send all over the world makes me so stressed. A lot of my friends live far away from me, but there's are things that I want them to have Like, the logistics make me so stressed, and this kind of planning has been part of what's kept me from leaving for years.

But I'm serious about leaving now, and I've got about 6 months to get this shit in order.

How has anyone else delt with this? Especially if you have a lot of stuff?
 
  • Like
Reactions: LastFlowers and Ivenocare
Ivenocare

Ivenocare

Student
Mar 31, 2019
194
My ctb day is still several months away, but I decided to start going through my stuff and trying to purge useless shit. It's a process because I'm very emotionally attached to my shit, but I won't need it when I'm gone, and I don't want to leave my dad and my sister to deal with it.

I've started a list of who I want to get what, and the right of packaging it all up to send all over the world makes me so stressed. A lot of my friends live far away from me, but there's are things that I want them to have Like, the logistics make me so stressed, and this kind of planning has been part of what's kept me from leaving for years.

But I'm serious about leaving now, and I've got about 6 months to get this shit in order.

How has anyone else delt with this? Especially if you have a lot of stuff?
I feel similar in regards to being attatched to something; it is rather ironic isnt it? not wanting to let go, but i feel if i cannot let go of this, how am i to let go of my life. As for leaving stuff behind, I am a mess and I dont know; dont think my parents will be thinking about my property that much; only that they lost their child... very annoying emotions..........
 
Rainbowdreamer

Rainbowdreamer

Waiting for the bus in the rain (in the rain)
May 19, 2019
9
I feel similar in regards to being attatched to something; it is rather ironic isnt it? not wanting to let go, but i feel if i cannot let go of this, how am i to let go of my life. As for leaving stuff behind, I am a mess and I dont know; dont think my parents will be thinking about my property that much; only that they lost their child... very annoying emotions..........

When my mom died, I had to clean out her apartment, and it was pretty much the worst thing I've ever had to do. It was so fucking miserable, going through everything, putting hands on literally EVERY piece of her life and deciding if it was a keep, give away, trash, or donate. And she lived in a one bedroom apartment. I heavy A LOT more stuff than that.

I'm thinking about telling people that I'm planning on moving out of my dad's house eventually and renting a room, which would mean that I would have to DRAMATICALLY reduce the amount of shit that I have. It would be less suspicious than just suddenly starting to give all of my stuff away.

I just get so distressed at the thought of my dad and my sister having to grieve for me and also having to go through all of my shit at the same time. I don't want to do that to them.

I'm just so overwhelmed because I like my things, and I don't like the idea of them just getting tossed into a dumpster. I want them to find good homes where people will appreciate them. I want my friends to have keepsakes or touchstones of me of they want them. And I also have thousands of dollars worth of art supplies that I am absolutely not going to let go to waste. I already know who I'll be distributing those to.

I guess it just feels like so much, to detach from all of these things and the (mostly positive) memories associated with them. That's why I kept them afterall. To try to remind myself of good times. But I have no emotional permanence so it only works to varying degrees. It's just upsetting. The whole process is upsetting. But I need to do this for my own piece of mind. It's at the top of my list of things that need to happen before I can ctb.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ivenocare and LastFlowers
Ivenocare

Ivenocare

Student
Mar 31, 2019
194
When my mom died, I had to clean out her apartment, and it was pretty much the worst thing I've ever had to do. It was so fucking miserable, going through everything, putting hands on literally EVERY piece of her life and deciding if it was a keep, give away, trash, or donate. And she lived in a one bedroom apartment. I heavy A LOT more stuff than that.

I'm thinking about telling people that I'm planning on moving out of my dad's house eventually and renting a room, which would mean that I would have to DRAMATICALLY reduce the amount of shit that I have. It would be less suspicious than just suddenly starting to give all of my stuff away.

I just get so distressed at the thought of my dad and my sister having to grieve for me and also having to go through all of my shit at the same time. I don't want to do that to them.

I'm just so overwhelmed because I like my things, and I don't like the idea of them just getting tossed into a dumpster. I want them to find good homes where people will appreciate them. I want my friends to have keepsakes or touchstones of me of they want them. And I also have thousands of dollars worth of art supplies that I am absolutely not going to let go to waste. I already know who I'll be distributing those to.

I guess it just feels like so much, to detach from all of these things and the (mostly positive) memories associated with them. That's why I kept them afterall. To try to remind myself of good times. But I have no emotional permanence so it only works to varying degrees. It's just upsetting. The whole process is upsetting. But I need to do this for my own piece of mind. It's at the top of my list of things that need to happen before I can ctb.
I completely understand, I HAD to write notes for my mind to be at peace.
 

Similar threads

Comfydant
Replies
5
Views
190
Suicide Discussion
littleraccoon3
littleraccoon3
Lifeless Living
Replies
0
Views
72
Suicide Discussion
Lifeless Living
Lifeless Living
selfhazard
Replies
0
Views
66
Suicide Discussion
selfhazard
selfhazard
nails
Replies
0
Views
114
Suicide Discussion
nails
nails