Venting Going back into alcoholism

[inkmage333]

After months of being sober, I've fallen back into alcoholism. I was so close to recovering. I really was. But then everything had to go wrong for me, so now I'm back to square one.

I'm never going to fully recover. Every time I think I'm close, it's like the rug is pulled out from under me and I'm sent back to where I was. I think I'll give up on recovery forever from now on. Just one step closer to leaving this planet for good after more than ten years of wishing for death.

Sometimes I do hope the people who made me like this stumble upon my account on here and my posts. See what they turned me into. Maybe they'll regret it, after all, they kept telling me to "improve myself" or some bullshit like that as they left me. I'm not giving them that satisfaction, though. If they come back to me, though, maybe I will stop.

 

[ipmanwc0]

Don't talk to yourself like that. First of all relapsing doesn't take you back to square one. If you don't relapse badly you don't lose much progress and if you relapse badly you don't even then lose everything. Also, don't use self defeating language, if you say you won't recover then you won't be able to. Be kind with yourself, addictions are really hard I've had several bad ones myself, sometimes you have them because life is overwhelming