Going back and forth

[Trashcan]

I go back and forth between feeling bad for doing this and feeling like a burden that will be doing a favor to my family. Can anyone relate?

 

[Retched]

I go back and forth between feeling bad for doing this and feeling like a burden that will be doing a favor to my family. Can anyone relate?

It's the one reason I'm still here. I have that swing from feeling bad to "I have to go and go now" because I'm ashamed everywhere I look and feel like I'm trapped in a special hell in my brain. So, yes, I relate.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Yes. What I want more than anything is for all my family and coworkers to cuss me out and tell me they need me to die so I can do this in peace.

 

[MachineGunDani]

Yes!!!!! I feel like a burden if I stay but I feel guilty if I go.

 

[Lra888]

I feel that. My mind knows that I need to die but it's constantly surging with anxiety about the whole thing. Not anxiety about death itself but all of the shit surrounding it - preparation/ aftermath / reaction of others etc. I'm hoping that I reach some level of serenity so I can calmly die. Like a peace of mind without guilt or fear. Maybe drugs can help with this?

I'd like to have my family members & friends understand & be okay with this or at least have a little sense of what I'm going through / my optimism about death etc - but I know they will most likely not understand.

 

[Jon86]

I don't flip flop on a daily basis but I do have random thoughts of fear, guilt or hope that pop into my mind daily. Most of the time nowadays those thoughts pass quickly, although they can be intense.

My guess is that doubt is always present for everyone, it's just to what degree.

Death isn't something people truly desire, it's an escape. This causes people to procrastinate and put it off for another day, truth is that day most often never comes and they're left to pick of the pieces or slowly waste away.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I bet I could be calmly like hypnotized into doing it.

The right soft voice could read off the steps and I'd follow them. "Slowly remove the gun from wherever it is and place its barrel in your mouth. Aim toward the back of your head. Now just lay back, relax and use your index finger to apply a gentle squeeze of the trigger...."

Damn, I need this. My own suicide CD. I'd need it to be like Ariana Grande or Halsey saying it. Somebody like that.

 

[Lra888]

I bet I could be calmly like hypnotized into doing it.

The right soft voice could read off the steps and I'd follow them. "Slowly remove the gun from wherever it is and place its barrel in your mouth. Aim toward the back of your head. Now just lay back, relax and use your index finger to apply a gentle squeeze of the trigger...."

Damn, I need this. My own suicide CD. I'd need it to be like Ariana Grande or Halsey saying it. Somebody like that.

That would be cool. Like one of those guided meditations. Subliminal binaural influence.

 

[Paulsmith]

I have gone back and forth with ctb.

Nearly 2 week's ago I should of done it with a partner. But got this opportunity to work up north and i took it to see if I could rebuild my life . Sometimes I'm back and forth regretting if I made the right decision not to end my life . I dunno

 

[miauimon]

I'm just scared that my suicide will literally make hell break loose