Going at it alone

[Dazedandconfused32]

I wanted to get others' experience with attempting suicide by themselves. I don't know why the thought is so petrifying to me. I was hoping for some bits of advice and any ideas as to how to make it through it successfully alone when necessary. I don't know how to overcome this fear or how to walk through this. :(
It's so hard.

 

[Jean4]

You are never really alone. You have us :)

 

[imstillhungry]

If it's so difficult that might be a sign that it's not your time yet? Just a thought. What method are you going with?
When I pictured my suicide (which I have for many, many years), I always imagined doing it alone. When I take SN I will be alone in a hotel room. I've made peace with it because it's my only way out of this daily pain and suffering. I will spend my last moments on this forum so I have some company, even if it's just from strangers on the internet

 

[Moonicide]

I'm also dying alone, and it's kind of ironic, because one of my biggest fears while growing up was dying alone. I'm sad about it, but in the end a few moments of loneliness beats living with loneliness for years on end. I was planning on playing music in the background and having my pet with me as I pass, so it won't feel so lonesome. So I'd suggest maybe music, some background noise if possible.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

. I will spend my last moments on this forum so I have some company, even if it's just from strangers on the internet

Same.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

If it's so difficult that might be a sign that it's not your time yet? Just a thought. What method are you going with?
When I pictured my suicide (which I have for many, many years), I always imagined doing it alone. When I take SN I will be alone in a hotel room. I've made peace with it because it's my only way out of this daily pain and suffering. I will spend my last moments on this forum so I have some company, even if it's just from strangers on the internet

It's not necessarily me not being ready. I've been pretty much grinding my teeth to make it to the day I've chosen. It's more so that it feels so heartbreaking and lonely to have to die afraid and all by myself. It's a very vulnerable place to be and scary to not know the outcome or what it'll feel like. (If anything) my chosen method is N and I have everything else that I need to ensure a safe and successful journey. I'm not sure why but I feel angry that because I've chosen suicide I must go at it alone and afraid. But as it goes... I am ready. Idk just very deep in thought as my day comes fast approaching. I appreciate your insight.

You are never really alone. You have us :)

Thank you for this reminder. I'm grateful to have you guys here. Even if it is over the internet.

 

[Jean4]

It's not necessarily me not being ready. I've been pretty much grinding my teeth to make it to the day I've chosen. It's more so that it feels so heartbreaking and lonely to have to die afraid and all by myself. It's a very vulnerable place to be and scary to not know the outcome or what it'll feel like. (If anything) my chosen method is N and I have everything else that I need to ensure a safe and successful journey. I'm not sure why but I feel angry that because I've chosen suicide I must go at it alone and afraid. But as it goes... I am ready. Idk just very deep in thought as my day comes fast approaching. I appreciate your insight.

We are here. We understand. You aren't alone. Knowing this forum is here is comforting.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

I'm also dying alone, and it's kind of ironic, because one of my biggest fears while growing up was dying alone. I'm sad about it, but in the end a few moments of loneliness beats living with loneliness for years on end. I was planning on playing music in the background and having my pet with me as I pass, so it won't feel so lonesome. So I'd suggest maybe music, some background noise if possible.

I believe you are right "a few moments alone beats living with loneliness for years on end" I'm grateful for this reminder. I will more than likely have music on in the background but I'll be in a hotel as to not traumatize any more than I have to. My fur baby will be at home. But anyways, I'm sorry you too have to be alone. I send you hugs

 

[imstillhungry]

It's not necessarily me not being ready. I've been pretty much grinding my teeth to make it to the day I've chosen. It's more so that it feels so heartbreaking and lonely to have to die afraid and all by myself. It's a very vulnerable place to be and scary to not know the outcome or what it'll feel like. (If anything) my chosen method is N and I have everything else that I need to ensure a safe and successful journey. I'm not sure why but I feel angry that because I've chosen suicide I must go at it alone and afraid. But as it goes... I am ready. Idk just very deep in thought as my day comes fast approaching. I appreciate your insight.

I understand where you're coming from. While I've accepted that I will die alone, it does make me sad to think about. I wish I could die in the arms of the person I love, it would make the whole thing easier and me feel infinite times better than dying alone. But sadly this is the way it has to be. Shame we can't die with dignity with our loved ones surrounding us..
You could always post on here when the time comes, it's not the same thing as having someone there in real life but it's still nice to know someone somewhere cares in your last moments

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

I understand where you're coming from. While I've accepted that I will die alone, it does make me sad to think about. I wish I could die in the arms of the person I love, it would make the whole thing easier and me feel infinite times better than dying alone. But sadly this is the way it has to be. Shame we can't die with dignity with our loved ones surrounding us..
You could always post on here when the time comes, it's not the same thing as having someone there in real life but it's still nice to know someone somewhere cares in your last moments

This is so true. I think I more than likely will post of my experience until I can no longer stay awake. I too wish to be held in the arms of someone that I love. It's a tragedy that we must suffer in silence our entire lives and to be punished in even how we choose to find peace. Alone.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I understand what you mean and also the thought of: 'when you take SN you can't reach out to your friends and talk with your friends about your last moments before passing away' because they will most likely call the police.
Yeah I think that I will spend my last hours when I ctb on this forum

 

[Science Is Scary]

There may be some organizations that provide company to people as they attempt suicide. That said, many of us on this forum may not qualify.

For example, Final Exit Network provides company to people in the United States who meet certain criteria.

One should weigh the risks against the benefits of seeking company during dying.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

There may be some organizations that provide company to people as they attempt suicide. That said, many of us on this forum may not qualify.

For example, Final Exit Network provides company to people in the United States who meet certain criteria.

One should weigh the risks against the benefits of seeking company during dying.

I highly doubt that I'd be eligible in their criteria to have someone with me. I do have MS but the reason for my CTB is mostly due to mental health reasons. Of course they don't feel that this is a valid reason to suicide. As if their opinion is the only one that matters with regards to my life. Things are so backwards.

I understand what you mean and also the thought of: 'when you take SN you can't reach out to your friends and talk with your friends about your last moments before passing away' because they will most likely call the police.
Yeah I think that I will spend my last hours when I ctb on this forum

I think it's too much of a risk to confide in friends and loved ones when in the act of CTB'ing. People can change their minds in a split second. I can't take that risk anymore. I won't be stopped